[Private to Itachi]a_for_tioriSeptember 24 2009, 05:12:21 UTC
[That's not real, he thinks.
It's a nightmare. Sasuke knows his father. He was only a child, but he still lived with him. He knew what Father was like. Father was stern. He was cold, at times. And his love was entirely conditional - there had never been any doubt that if Sasuke was not strong, he would not be loved. He was not as kind as Mother. Not as understanding. And he was hard on them. Pressured them both to perform. Wanted them to grow strong. And he had been harder on Itachi. That was true.
But not like that.
He wasn't - he wasn't that. Not like that. He wouldn't do anything to hurt them. He never had. He didn't want to hurt them - he just wanted them to be stronger. That was all. It was never a thing like that. He hadn't ever made Sasuke see a thing like that. (No, it was Itachi who did that, wasn't it.) He had wanted Sasuke to be strong so that he could protect the clan, protect Mother and measure up to Itachi and make him proud. And being strong wasn't about that back then. It was only later, after Father had died. Father was different.
Sasuke knew. He knew. It wasn't true. It wasn't true. Not true.]
That didn't happen.
[It's not a question. It is a question. Did it? Could it have?]
[Private to Sasuke]seeing_only_redSeptember 24 2009, 05:47:12 UTC
[He's seen it.
There had been some small, insignificant hope within him that Sasuke would not look at the dream, specifically because it was Itachi's, so he would not have to force himself to see what lived within the depths of his brother's mind, but Itachi also knows better than to believe it would have actually happened in this way.
Sasuke would look for the same reasons that small part of Itachi had hoped he would not.
That didn't happen.
Denial. So simple a reaction and so easy to hold onto. More so when it is shared.
Itachi wants to agree, to deny and say it's all a lie so Sasuke will not have to think of this when he thinks of their Father, because Itachi does not see it in the way that he knows many would.
Kakashi was a genin at 5. Why would how their Father trained him be so wrong when Konoha allowed children to fight in their wars? At least their father had not expected him to go at kill then--no, that had come later.
But Sasuke hates lies--is tired of Itachi lying to him and hiding things from him, because he says he is strong enough to handle it now. Perhaps he is right.
That doesn't stop Itachi from hesitating.]
Things were different before you were born. Life was different.
[There was war, there was death, and they thought it would never end. Father didn't know when they would expect the next line of child-soldiers to be pushed through the gates and onto the battelfield, or if Itachi would be one of them.
Their Father had did what he could, for the good of their clan. Itachi could not expect anything more of him.]
[Private to Itachi]a_for_tioriSeptember 26 2009, 04:06:49 UTC
Don't try to justify it.
[Sasuke doesn't understand what the hell is wrong with everyone. Things are wrong in the world, things which are unacceptable are allowed to occur without any particular protest and it isn't even that nobody cares, it's that they look at it and they twist and dissemble and tell themselves it's okay. But it's not. It can't be justified. Nothing can make up for that - Itachi so young he only knows war from whispers and Mother's simple explanations, younger than Sasuke had been, even, that Itachi out on the battlefield with fear and pain and blood and blood and blood. Nothing can make up for that.
And that's Father doing that. Father who is cold and cruel and selfish, not caring He thought he knew Father. He shouldn't be surprised, really. He thought he knew Itachi too, after all. He had been so sure, when he was a kid, and he hasn't fucking grown up at all, has he. He hasn't gotten even the slightest bit more perceptive, he still doesn't know anything.]
It's not justifiable.
[Sasuke doesn't understand why Itachi tries to justify these things that happen to him. Why he always tries to make it seem like his suffering isn't important. He is a shinobi and shinobi are tools of war except he is also Itachi and Sasuke's brother and he is important. He can't just be tossed away like a tool.]
[Private to Sasuke]seeing_only_redSeptember 26 2009, 12:22:52 UTC
Things were different, Sasuke. Had the war not ended shortly thereafter [it had been months later, but still it had ended sooner than anyone thought possible], I would have been like Kakashi...pushed to graduate from the Academy and enter the war because I was an Uchiha and they knew I could.
Had I been, I would have needed to know how to survive. Of what the enemy was capable of. Of what Konoha itself was capable of.
Our father only did what our clan expected of him and what anyone who wants their child to return home from a mission may do.
[No, he is not trying to say it's right, or that it had not affected him when he was younger. Because it had, because the scars of war had made him hate it so much--fear it--that he had been willing to kill his clan to prevent another one from happening, from having to watch the ruthless carnage of the battlefield again and again for the rest of his life. He had wanted to break the cycle, but Itachi knows now how arrogant his belief that his one act would be capable of such great change was.]
It's a nightmare. Sasuke knows his father. He was only a child, but he still lived with him. He knew what Father was like. Father was stern. He was cold, at times. And his love was entirely conditional - there had never been any doubt that if Sasuke was not strong, he would not be loved. He was not as kind as Mother. Not as understanding. And he was hard on them. Pressured them both to perform. Wanted them to grow strong. And he had been harder on Itachi. That was true.
But not like that.
He wasn't - he wasn't that. Not like that. He wouldn't do anything to hurt them. He never had. He didn't want to hurt them - he just wanted them to be stronger. That was all. It was never a thing like that. He hadn't ever made Sasuke see a thing like that. (No, it was Itachi who did that, wasn't it.) He had wanted Sasuke to be strong so that he could protect the clan, protect Mother and measure up to Itachi and make him proud. And being strong wasn't about that back then. It was only later, after Father had died. Father was different.
Sasuke knew. He knew. It wasn't true. It wasn't true. Not true.]
That didn't happen.
[It's not a question. It is a question. Did it? Could it have?]
Reply
There had been some small, insignificant hope within him that Sasuke would not look at the dream, specifically because it was Itachi's, so he would not have to force himself to see what lived within the depths of his brother's mind, but Itachi also knows better than to believe it would have actually happened in this way.
Sasuke would look for the same reasons that small part of Itachi had hoped he would not.
That didn't happen.
Denial. So simple a reaction and so easy to hold onto. More so when it is shared.
Itachi wants to agree, to deny and say it's all a lie so Sasuke will not have to think of this when he thinks of their Father, because Itachi does not see it in the way that he knows many would.
Kakashi was a genin at 5. Why would how their Father trained him be so wrong when Konoha allowed children to fight in their wars? At least their father had not expected him to go at kill then--no, that had come later.
But Sasuke hates lies--is tired of Itachi lying to him and hiding things from him, because he says he is strong enough to handle it now. Perhaps he is right.
That doesn't stop Itachi from hesitating.]
Things were different before you were born. Life was different.
[There was war, there was death, and they thought it would never end. Father didn't know when they would expect the next line of child-soldiers to be pushed through the gates and onto the battelfield, or if Itachi would be one of them.
Their Father had did what he could, for the good of their clan. Itachi could not expect anything more of him.]
Reply
[Sasuke doesn't understand what the hell is wrong with everyone. Things are wrong in the world, things which are unacceptable are allowed to occur without any particular protest and it isn't even that nobody cares, it's that they look at it and they twist and dissemble and tell themselves it's okay. But it's not. It can't be justified. Nothing can make up for that - Itachi so young he only knows war from whispers and Mother's simple explanations, younger than Sasuke had been, even, that Itachi out on the battlefield with fear and pain and blood and blood and blood. Nothing can make up for that.
And that's Father doing that. Father who is cold and cruel and selfish, not caring He thought he knew Father. He shouldn't be surprised, really. He thought he knew Itachi too, after all. He had been so sure, when he was a kid, and he hasn't fucking grown up at all, has he. He hasn't gotten even the slightest bit more perceptive, he still doesn't know anything.]
It's not justifiable.
[Sasuke doesn't understand why Itachi tries to justify these things that happen to him. Why he always tries to make it seem like his suffering isn't important. He is a shinobi and shinobi are tools of war except he is also Itachi and Sasuke's brother and he is important. He can't just be tossed away like a tool.]
Reply
Had I been, I would have needed to know how to survive. Of what the enemy was capable of. Of what Konoha itself was capable of.
Our father only did what our clan expected of him and what anyone who wants their child to return home from a mission may do.
[No, he is not trying to say it's right, or that it had not affected him when he was younger. Because it had, because the scars of war had made him hate it so much--fear it--that he had been willing to kill his clan to prevent another one from happening, from having to watch the ruthless carnage of the battlefield again and again for the rest of his life. He had wanted to break the cycle, but Itachi knows now how arrogant his belief that his one act would be capable of such great change was.]
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