Dream ЖЖ 010
"Watch."
Why?
"Don't stop watching."
Why had he brought him here?
The cries like that of angry animals, the smell of burning grass, the explosions, the smoke, the blood.
He doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to see this.
But it's training he said, and Itachi really enjoys training--even when Father pushes him and throws kunai and shuriken at him that are sharp and cut blood and Mother tells him he's too young, but Itachi's not too young and he can take it, because Father says he's an Uchiha and Uchiha can take anything--so when he had told him they were coming here to train him to be stronger, Itachi had been very pleased that he had thought he was ready.
They had traveled for quite some time to get here, and Itachi wondered it his mother would be upset, because he had said she couldn't know--she has to stay calm now and couldn't be upset--and they would tell her when they got back, but Itachi knew she'll be so proud of how strong he's gotten that she won't be able to stay mad.
He had lied.
Because this isn't like the training he's had until now with kunai and targets and basic taijutsu even a child like himself can do.
This is war.
He's heard his cousins and uncle speaking, and the women who gossip when his mother would take him to the market with her--only she can't now because she's too big and has to lay down a lot because she says he's going to have a brother and he doesn't know if he wants one, but she says that he will once his brother gets here and as the older brother Itachi has look after him--that they were in the middle of a war. He hadn't known what it meant, but he had asked Mother and she told him that it was what happened when a lot of people couldn't get along and so picked fights with each other. He had asked her why they wanted to fight anyone, but Mother said they didn't, but they had to and all they could do was stand by their village and their clan and protect each other. It was the shinobi way.
Itachi still didn't understand, because to him the older boys at the primary school who picked fights with each other were stupid. All they did was beat up each other over who would be the better ninja and no one ever won because the teachers always came and broke it up. And none of them would be very good ninja anyway when they couldn't even hold a kunai the right way.
So to him war seemed like such a stupid thing when everyone would only end up with bruises and nothing was ever solved.
"Watch."
His mother had lied. War is nothing like a fight.
There are people lying all over the ground, covered in blood--he knows it's blood, Father made sure he knew the look, the smell, the taste of it, because a shinobi must know how to bleed and how to make others bleed before he can know how to protect--but they're not getting back up.
There are still people fighting.
A kunai is thrown, but he can't tell from where and it hits a shinobi in his eye and he screams and he's falling and Itachi doesn't want to watch--
"Never turn your eyes away from the battlefield."
--as he drops to the ground and twitches, body jerking about before the movement slow and he doesn't move anymore.
Itachi doesn't recognize him. He isn't an Uchiha.
But he's not getting up.
Itachi knows he's dead, but he doesn't really understand death--Mother says it when you're gone forever and can never come back, but Father said it's what happens to weak shinobi who can't complete their missions and return home without being hurt.
If this is death--weak shinobi not completing their missions and being hurt and falling and never getting back up because you're gone and can never come back--he doesn't like it.
Doesn't want to see it.
Why do shinobi have to be in wars?
The ground is shaking and trees close by where he is watching--hiding--on the large, high up branch are falling, screaming as they are torn from their roots and can no longer hold up when everyone else is fighting and the trees haven't done anything, and Itachi thinks it's wrong to keep tearing things up just because you're fighting.
But War isn't like fighting, he tells himself--Mother lied.
The screams have gotten louder. Someone used a fire jutsu and people trying to put out the flames, but they're rolling in them--burning.
The smell is horrible.
Like burned rotten eggs and bad milk.
It's so strong he drops to his knees and clutches at the tree because he's dizzy and he tries to hold in how bad it it, but everything is coming up and he has to lean over the branch and let it all out or else he'll choke.
He doesn't want to be here.
"Only the weak can't stand to see the truth. And you will not be weak."
A half-choked, broken cry reaches him from the ground and he looks down to see someone who has stumbled deep into the treeline fall to his knees. He jerks forward, but then tries to stand up against the base of the tree where Itachi is, but one of his arms is shorter than the other--Where'd his hand go?--and there's a two kunai sticking out of his leg and there's blood, Itachi can tell.
He's going to be dead too, but he's not yet, and he's bleeding. If the bleeding doesn't stop, he'll be dead.
Itachi doesn't know why he's moving, but he's climbing down from the tree and drops from the last lowest branch to the ground and running because someone has to stop the bleeding or he'll be dead and Itachi doesn't like seeing all the dead people. He doesn't want anymore people to be dead.
"Are you--"
The head jerks toward him when he gets closer and the eyes of the shinobi are wide, filled with something that makes Itachi stop, question forgotten, and stare because that look makes his heart pound so fast he thinks it will break free from his chest and he doesn't know what to do. But he notices the ninja's hitai-ate and it makes him take a step back.
It's not a leaf.
"Hehe....a kid? So Konoha's....so short on troops...that they send in--"
He doesn't finish, head jerks back and he gasps out a startled, wet breath before staring down at the bloodied blade that sticks out from his chest. He falls like all the others.
Itachi can't stop watching.
A few feet away, a man stands hand outstretched in their direction.
Itachi knows who threw the sword.
Red eyes bore into his eyes, from a face that has blood on it, but he doesn't know if it's his own and Itachi is scare, terrified, his body won't move and those are like that of a monster staring back at him and he wants to run away, but he would never forgive him--
He doesn't care. He doesn't want to be here.
Itachi has already turned and is running, shaking his head and trying to get the eyes out of his mind, but they're there and he doesn't want to see them, wants to go back home to Mother and wait for his little brother to come because he doesn't like this, doesn't like war--
A hand grabs him around the neck and he is jerked back, can't breathe, is sniffling and choking, wetness already streaming down his cheeks that he had not noticed before and he tries to pull away, but another hand grabs his shoulder and spins him around, holding him there.
"Never run away from the battlefield."
Itachi's shaking and still trying to get away, but he won't let him go, so all he can do is cry, even though he knows he's not supposed to, but he's scared and he's not supposed to be scared either.
"No! I want to go home. I don't want--"
There is a burn across his cheek and almost loses his balance, but the hand digging into his shoulder won't let him fall. The hand that slapped him grabs him face and forces him to look him straight in his eyes that are filled with blood and Itachi knows the Sharingan, but never has he thought it was as horrible a thing as he does now.
"You will stop this pathetic behavior. You are stronger than this. Never show your enemy fear or they'll use it against you."
He doesn't care.
"But--"
Another strike to his face silenced him again.
"This is war. This is death. This is what it means to be a shinobi. You are the future of our clan. You will be perfect."
Itachi just stares at him, not speaking to avoid being hit again, and the trembling hasn't stopped, but those eyes are bearing down on him and he can't refuse. So he doesn't.
He finally lets go and stands up, back straight, eyes looking over Itachi as if he has seen something gross like a dead frog. Finally he turns away and begins to walk purposefully back to where the war is.
"Come."
Itachi watches after him, but he does not look back, and so Itachi stands there alone in the wood, still able to hear the sounds of war and death and all the things Itachi knows he has just come to hate. He does not want to go back there, does not want to see the dead people or hear the fighting, but he's all alone and he will not come back for him.
So he rushes after him as fast as he can, but he is not moving too quickly, and soon he catches up with him and follows with his head down and fists clenched because this is not what he wants, but--
"Never forget you are my son."
"...Yes, Father."
This is why he was born.
--------------------------------
[Itachi awakens with his body covered in a thick sheen of sweat, and his breath ragged, but he's not afraid. It's been so long that this memory is not one that has bothered him for years, and he knows not why it has done so now.
He lets out a soft sigh, brushes damped bangs from his head and as if by reflex, reaches out and feels for the Hitomi from where it lays at his bedside, but doesn't bother to look in its direction. It takes a moment but he finds it, having fallen off the mattress and onto the floor, and picks it up. His eyes are open, but still he has not bothered to look at the device before the screen goes black.]
Why?
"Don't stop watching."
Why had he brought him here?
The cries like that of angry animals, the smell of burning grass, the explosions, the smoke, the blood.
He doesn't want to be there, doesn't want to see this.
But it's training he said, and Itachi really enjoys training--even when Father pushes him and throws kunai and shuriken at him that are sharp and cut blood and Mother tells him he's too young, but Itachi's not too young and he can take it, because Father says he's an Uchiha and Uchiha can take anything--so when he had told him they were coming here to train him to be stronger, Itachi had been very pleased that he had thought he was ready.
They had traveled for quite some time to get here, and Itachi wondered it his mother would be upset, because he had said she couldn't know--she has to stay calm now and couldn't be upset--and they would tell her when they got back, but Itachi knew she'll be so proud of how strong he's gotten that she won't be able to stay mad.
He had lied.
Because this isn't like the training he's had until now with kunai and targets and basic taijutsu even a child like himself can do.
This is war.
He's heard his cousins and uncle speaking, and the women who gossip when his mother would take him to the market with her--only she can't now because she's too big and has to lay down a lot because she says he's going to have a brother and he doesn't know if he wants one, but she says that he will once his brother gets here and as the older brother Itachi has look after him--that they were in the middle of a war. He hadn't known what it meant, but he had asked Mother and she told him that it was what happened when a lot of people couldn't get along and so picked fights with each other. He had asked her why they wanted to fight anyone, but Mother said they didn't, but they had to and all they could do was stand by their village and their clan and protect each other. It was the shinobi way.
Itachi still didn't understand, because to him the older boys at the primary school who picked fights with each other were stupid. All they did was beat up each other over who would be the better ninja and no one ever won because the teachers always came and broke it up. And none of them would be very good ninja anyway when they couldn't even hold a kunai the right way.
So to him war seemed like such a stupid thing when everyone would only end up with bruises and nothing was ever solved.
"Watch."
His mother had lied. War is nothing like a fight.
There are people lying all over the ground, covered in blood--he knows it's blood, Father made sure he knew the look, the smell, the taste of it, because a shinobi must know how to bleed and how to make others bleed before he can know how to protect--but they're not getting back up.
There are still people fighting.
A kunai is thrown, but he can't tell from where and it hits a shinobi in his eye and he screams and he's falling and Itachi doesn't want to watch--
"Never turn your eyes away from the battlefield."
--as he drops to the ground and twitches, body jerking about before the movement slow and he doesn't move anymore.
Itachi doesn't recognize him. He isn't an Uchiha.
But he's not getting up.
Itachi knows he's dead, but he doesn't really understand death--Mother says it when you're gone forever and can never come back, but Father said it's what happens to weak shinobi who can't complete their missions and return home without being hurt.
If this is death--weak shinobi not completing their missions and being hurt and falling and never getting back up because you're gone and can never come back--he doesn't like it.
Doesn't want to see it.
Why do shinobi have to be in wars?
The ground is shaking and trees close by where he is watching--hiding--on the large, high up branch are falling, screaming as they are torn from their roots and can no longer hold up when everyone else is fighting and the trees haven't done anything, and Itachi thinks it's wrong to keep tearing things up just because you're fighting.
But War isn't like fighting, he tells himself--Mother lied.
The screams have gotten louder. Someone used a fire jutsu and people trying to put out the flames, but they're rolling in them--burning.
The smell is horrible.
Like burned rotten eggs and bad milk.
It's so strong he drops to his knees and clutches at the tree because he's dizzy and he tries to hold in how bad it it, but everything is coming up and he has to lean over the branch and let it all out or else he'll choke.
He doesn't want to be here.
"Only the weak can't stand to see the truth. And you will not be weak."
A half-choked, broken cry reaches him from the ground and he looks down to see someone who has stumbled deep into the treeline fall to his knees. He jerks forward, but then tries to stand up against the base of the tree where Itachi is, but one of his arms is shorter than the other--Where'd his hand go?--and there's a two kunai sticking out of his leg and there's blood, Itachi can tell.
He's going to be dead too, but he's not yet, and he's bleeding. If the bleeding doesn't stop, he'll be dead.
Itachi doesn't know why he's moving, but he's climbing down from the tree and drops from the last lowest branch to the ground and running because someone has to stop the bleeding or he'll be dead and Itachi doesn't like seeing all the dead people. He doesn't want anymore people to be dead.
"Are you--"
The head jerks toward him when he gets closer and the eyes of the shinobi are wide, filled with something that makes Itachi stop, question forgotten, and stare because that look makes his heart pound so fast he thinks it will break free from his chest and he doesn't know what to do. But he notices the ninja's hitai-ate and it makes him take a step back.
It's not a leaf.
"Hehe....a kid? So Konoha's....so short on troops...that they send in--"
He doesn't finish, head jerks back and he gasps out a startled, wet breath before staring down at the bloodied blade that sticks out from his chest. He falls like all the others.
Itachi can't stop watching.
A few feet away, a man stands hand outstretched in their direction.
Itachi knows who threw the sword.
Red eyes bore into his eyes, from a face that has blood on it, but he doesn't know if it's his own and Itachi is scare, terrified, his body won't move and those are like that of a monster staring back at him and he wants to run away, but he would never forgive him--
He doesn't care. He doesn't want to be here.
Itachi has already turned and is running, shaking his head and trying to get the eyes out of his mind, but they're there and he doesn't want to see them, wants to go back home to Mother and wait for his little brother to come because he doesn't like this, doesn't like war--
A hand grabs him around the neck and he is jerked back, can't breathe, is sniffling and choking, wetness already streaming down his cheeks that he had not noticed before and he tries to pull away, but another hand grabs his shoulder and spins him around, holding him there.
"Never run away from the battlefield."
Itachi's shaking and still trying to get away, but he won't let him go, so all he can do is cry, even though he knows he's not supposed to, but he's scared and he's not supposed to be scared either.
"No! I want to go home. I don't want--"
There is a burn across his cheek and almost loses his balance, but the hand digging into his shoulder won't let him fall. The hand that slapped him grabs him face and forces him to look him straight in his eyes that are filled with blood and Itachi knows the Sharingan, but never has he thought it was as horrible a thing as he does now.
"You will stop this pathetic behavior. You are stronger than this. Never show your enemy fear or they'll use it against you."
He doesn't care.
"But--"
Another strike to his face silenced him again.
"This is war. This is death. This is what it means to be a shinobi. You are the future of our clan. You will be perfect."
Itachi just stares at him, not speaking to avoid being hit again, and the trembling hasn't stopped, but those eyes are bearing down on him and he can't refuse. So he doesn't.
He finally lets go and stands up, back straight, eyes looking over Itachi as if he has seen something gross like a dead frog. Finally he turns away and begins to walk purposefully back to where the war is.
"Come."
Itachi watches after him, but he does not look back, and so Itachi stands there alone in the wood, still able to hear the sounds of war and death and all the things Itachi knows he has just come to hate. He does not want to go back there, does not want to see the dead people or hear the fighting, but he's all alone and he will not come back for him.
So he rushes after him as fast as he can, but he is not moving too quickly, and soon he catches up with him and follows with his head down and fists clenched because this is not what he wants, but--
"Never forget you are my son."
"...Yes, Father."
This is why he was born.
--------------------------------
[Itachi awakens with his body covered in a thick sheen of sweat, and his breath ragged, but he's not afraid. It's been so long that this memory is not one that has bothered him for years, and he knows not why it has done so now.
He lets out a soft sigh, brushes damped bangs from his head and as if by reflex, reaches out and feels for the Hitomi from where it lays at his bedside, but doesn't bother to look in its direction. It takes a moment but he finds it, having fallen off the mattress and onto the floor, and picks it up. His eyes are open, but still he has not bothered to look at the device before the screen goes black.]