Dream ЖЖ 010

Sep 23, 2009 00:53

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war, otou-san, dream, shinobi, death, real, ic

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ninjasecrets September 23 2009, 21:21:51 UTC
[Akira draws his hand away, feeling his face go pale. His stomach's done a backflip. It's funny, isn't it? He's seen violence, died in the violence, he had a grim upbringing, and this still... this still gets to him. He wishes, somehow, his heart were harder than this, that he'd grown strong, as impossibly strong as he'd always wished to be.

It brings to mind rooms with sliding doors and tatami mats, it brings to mind the post and his arms that barely make their way around it, how they'd ache and his wrists burned with the rope when he was tied there. Left there.

Kids like them learned they were alone all along. Even when called to duty, even when given ordered, they were alone. Given orders for the sake of orders, following them out of fear or duty and rarely love.

For what kind of love was it, in places you could not escape from?

I wasn't born just to fool around. That's how he explained to Gojyo-san.

And if there was something Akira wanted to say, he wasn't sure how to say it, but he swallows the sick, dry lump in his throat to try and say it.]

I was just thinking about how much families suck.
I liked ours better.

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seeing_only_red September 23 2009, 22:35:33 UTC
[Oh Akira...

Itachi almost hates himself for now being able to respond immediately. He wonders if Akira expects him to agree, or if he is merely stating his own opinion.

Because Itachi can't say his family was bad, can't condemn them for their flaws more than he already has by taking their lives and erasing the truth of their history from the world. What could he say to Akira when he cannot simply say "yes?"

My mother was a woman trapped by her name and her duty. She did what she could and more than anyone may have expected. She loved us, and died with a smile on her face.

No, Akira may still not yet understand more than the black-and-white of his family. So he says the only thing he knows and thinks will suffice.]

All families have flaws...but you, Naruto, and I were a happy one, weren't we?

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ninjasecrets September 23 2009, 23:53:01 UTC
[Akira's not sure what he expects. He was trying to show some empathy, but maybe add some levity to the situation as well. Because it's not that simple. Akira doesn't think of it in such simple terms either. He loves the Okuzaki Clan. Even if he thinks they never loved him back.

But there was something free about the three of them, and so simple and easy to understand, somehow.]

Yeah.

I don't think that was all lies, you know?

You're still...

You're still that person to me.

[And if Akira thought things through at all, had a lick of sense or a clue how to use technology, he's lock this. But. This is Akira.]

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seeing_only_red September 24 2009, 05:29:03 UTC
Thank you.

[Itachi has a soft smile on his face, and is holding the Hitomi gentler now. He's afraid to say too much, because he isn't sure if the message is private, and these are things they should discuss with each other, no one else.]

Even if things have changed now, I guess some good things did come of it all.

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ninjasecrets September 24 2009, 06:56:15 UTC
[Things have changed.

Those words twist and repeat in Akira's mind. Over and over.

Maybe he shouldn't be here.

Hoping for whatever it is he hopes for.]

Yeah.

M'glad.

...You sleeping okay? I mean besides the nice dreams?

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seeing_only_red September 24 2009, 19:52:27 UTC
[Akira seems better than he had been before, but Itachi doesn't know how much of it is because Akira is beginning to move on, or if the boy is trying to hide what he feels. Itachi has no way of knowing, so he can only respond to what it presented to him.]

I have little to say about such things. I have gotten adequate rest.

[His nights are always filled with dreams, but he cannot say he knows them all, or would care to. It is simply a byproduct of his life, and he accepts that.]

You are the one who should be getting more rest. A sound body leads to more productive training. And a less disturbed mind.

[He cannot say the last one is completely true, as Itachi himself know how the mind can so easily affect the body, but he knows Akira can overwork himself easily, knows he pushes too far when he shouldn't--just like others he knows of.]

I am fine, so look to your own well-being, Akira-kun.

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ninjasecrets September 25 2009, 19:31:11 UTC
It's not like I'm worried about you! [Akira speaks too quickly, too loudly, for those words to be anything but falsehood. He's like that. Trying so hard not to show any weakness.]

I'm fine, anyway. I'm studying hard.

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seeing_only_red September 26 2009, 12:13:24 UTC
[Itachi is smiling a little more now. Sometimes Akira does remind him too much of Sasuke as a child.]

Perhaps one day I will see firsthand what you have learned.

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