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[sdlucly]

This is so stupid, you know, so freaking stupid because... because it's been months and he's seeing someone else and she might even be pregnant and... but at times, god, at times all I can think of for a splitting second is that he promised, he fucking promised and he... he fucking promised and I know, fuck, I know I'm gonna get over it and I know

Comments

[the_dead_dream]

It's not stupid. Don't say that. You can't expect to just wake up one morning and all the things that you felt for him to be gone. You were together a really long time, you experienced things with him that you will probably never forget, and at the end of the day.. would you really want to forget all of that? You just want to forget the hurt. I don't blame you it's like having your heart split open and theres nothing you can do to fix it back

[sdlucly]

I k now I can't just... give myself a deadline for feeling like this, and then be angry at myself for not meeting that deadline, but man, sometimes it feels like it's hell and it's not going to change and I really hate that. But a part of me, I guess, hates the most that he's not in this hell. He was supposed to have it worse than me, suffer more and know without a shadow of a doubt that I was the best thing to happen to him and he screwed it all up. I hate that that's not the case

[the_dead_dream]

I get it. There was a time when I wanted blood to. I was hurt and I wanted her to hurt with me. But the more that I thought about it the more I knew that I was better off without her. She went and got pregnant by her ex-boyfriend and then got engaged. She was straight, she said.

I guess in my case, and it is different for everybody.. I don't like the person that she has become because I know that it's lies but I choose to remember the good times that I had with her because I know that if I keep dwelling on the bad and what she did to me, that I would go crazy.

I can't allow her to live rent free in my head and bring me down. I won't do that. I know that, in the end, karma is a bitch. =)

[sdlucly]

I know what you mean. A part of me knows that he's doing this because, for years, he's always had this need to impress his family, to be the person he never was. And to them (his family) nothing impressed them more than for him to be the son that "made it" as he was living in Spain and working and being all worldly and shit. He wanted that, he wanted to keep being that person, and he couldn't if he came back. Nevermind that coming back meant being with me

[the_dead_dream]

The bottom line is that he can't build a life with other peoples guidelines. He can't build a life on lies. It's going to come crumbling down sooner or later. If he think that by doing what other people want is going to make him happy then let him find out for his self.

Nevermind that coming back meant being with me
You should be a priority in someones life. Never settle for less than you deserve, and you deserve way better than that.

[sdlucly]

I tried to tell him that, that he could have everything he wanted (a life outside of his parents' house, friends and family) if he came back, but he wanted more, he wanted... recognition, and I guess that's not bad, just not the kind I could offer him.

You should be a priority in someones life. Never settle for less than you deserve, and you deserve way better than that.

Yeah. That's why I spent the last... five months of our relationship feeling like shit, because I was that for him, nothing more than trash on his shoe, and I was tired of it. When I compared him to the guy he used to be, when I used to be his sun and his moon, it hurt so horribly, that I had to put an end that. I thought, if I gave him a choice (Spain or me), I could see what he was really made of. I did, it's just that what he was made of, wasn't what I wanted/need. He wanted Spain, so he could have Spain, that just didn't contain me as well. It hurt like hell, to know that you're not worth enough for the one person that is worth the world to you. So. Yeah.

[the_dead_dream]

People will do crazy things for attention. Even make themselves miserable. He's insecure and having attention from other people will make him feel like he's on top of the world for awhile but it won't last. He will figure that out when it's too late.

I know it had to hurt like hell. I've been there. But you sound like an amazing person, you'll find someone who will treat you right. =)

[sdlucly]

I know it's wrong to want him to figure it out and realize what he let go (meaning, wanting him to suffer!) but, well, I do hope he does. *shrugs*

Thanks, babe. I do hope to find someone that can see that, all in all, I'm a good person, that I deserve better than I got. Thanks, sweetie.