(Untitled)

[sdlucly]

This is so stupid, you know, so freaking stupid because... because it's been months and he's seeing someone else and she might even be pregnant and... but at times, god, at times all I can think of for a splitting second is that he promised, he fucking promised and he... he fucking promised and I know, fuck, I know I'm gonna get over it and I know

Comments

[sdlucly]

I know what you mean. A part of me knows that he's doing this because, for years, he's always had this need to impress his family, to be the person he never was. And to them (his family) nothing impressed them more than for him to be the son that "made it" as he was living in Spain and working and being all worldly and shit. He wanted that, he wanted to keep being that person, and he couldn't if he came back. Nevermind that coming back meant being with me.

He is with this other woman, I know that much, and whether she's pregnant or not is not really important at this point. He wanted that, to be that person, the guy that came back to his home country once every other year and got the welcome back parties and the how is Europe questions, and I know that, and though I kinda hate him for that, I always knew that too. He was always insecure in who he was, and I thought I could change that, but I guess I was wrong, or I was right, and I was just never good enough a change.

I don't want him in my head anymore, but I can't seem to get him out. I hate that I spend most of my shower thinking about him, good or bad, but I can't seem to know how to fix it. Time, I guess.

And yeah, Karma is a bitch. Can't wait for that too. *g*

[the_dead_dream]

The bottom line is that he can't build a life with other peoples guidelines. He can't build a life on lies. It's going to come crumbling down sooner or later. If he think that by doing what other people want is going to make him happy then let him find out for his self.

Nevermind that coming back meant being with me
You should be a priority in someones life. Never settle for less than you deserve, and you deserve way better than that.

[sdlucly]

I tried to tell him that, that he could have everything he wanted (a life outside of his parents' house, friends and family) if he came back, but he wanted more, he wanted... recognition, and I guess that's not bad, just not the kind I could offer him.

You should be a priority in someones life. Never settle for less than you deserve, and you deserve way better than that.

Yeah. That's why I spent the last... five months of our relationship feeling like shit, because I was that for him, nothing more than trash on his shoe, and I was tired of it. When I compared him to the guy he used to be, when I used to be his sun and his moon, it hurt so horribly, that I had to put an end that. I thought, if I gave him a choice (Spain or me), I could see what he was really made of. I did, it's just that what he was made of, wasn't what I wanted/need. He wanted Spain, so he could have Spain, that just didn't contain me as well. It hurt like hell, to know that you're not worth enough for the one person that is worth the world to you. So. Yeah.

[the_dead_dream]

People will do crazy things for attention. Even make themselves miserable. He's insecure and having attention from other people will make him feel like he's on top of the world for awhile but it won't last. He will figure that out when it's too late.

I know it had to hurt like hell. I've been there. But you sound like an amazing person, you'll find someone who will treat you right. =)

[sdlucly]

I know it's wrong to want him to figure it out and realize what he let go (meaning, wanting him to suffer!) but, well, I do hope he does. *shrugs*

Thanks, babe. I do hope to find someone that can see that, all in all, I'm a good person, that I deserve better than I got. Thanks, sweetie.