I'm gonna get this tattooed on my right shoulder in memory of Jeremy. "Old Man" is what I called him, since he was 8 years older than me. He had a tattoo of a panther on his leg. It was beautiful, but I don't think it would suit me, and I don't want one on my leg like that. He also had a tattoo of Tigger on his shoulder that he was really ( Read more... )

I've decided that driving alone is a really fucking bad idea for me. Even short little distances. Like, whoa. I drove to Nashville to have a 'photoshoot' that quite literally was only 7 minutes long... 35 minutes up there and back. It was... amusing. I don't have the money to do that whole thing with the gas. Oh well. I get published this Thursday ( Read more... )

Today was kinda hard for me. People, for me, are kinda hard to deal with. And by kinda, I mean a lot. I just want to move on, you know? But then the people that don't know what happened, ask me why I was gone all last week... and I told them there was a tragedy... and they ask what it was. I have to tell them.... and then they pity me.. and then ( Read more... )

God, some times I fucking hate myself.

I didn't go to the funeral. I couldn't. I can't. There's just no way. I can't handle listening to his grandmother bawling, wailing like that. I can't stand to see his dead body again. I've seen it once already-- why torture myself? why make it worse? I'd rather just move on, please. Bury it away so it can ( Read more... )

Let me reiterate:

I got a 'job' at the Tennessean reviewing video games

thank you.

.... Wish me luck. Tomorrow is the funeral

It's been... 3 days since I found Jeremy's body in his apartment. I still can't sleep alone. I can actually not fall asleep in my bed without the aid of drugs. I can fall asleep fine on the couch and on the floor while trying to watch a movie.. but not on my bed. It's strange. Jeremy never came over to my apartment (I was too embarassed-- he was so ( Read more... )

I just want him back ( Read more... )

I don't know what to do with myself. I want to crawl up and hide for a long time. I don't want to deal with this. My boyfriend died. I don't even know if he WAS my boyfriend. I never got to ask. I never got the nerve up. We were dating exclusively. I had chosen him. We had talked Thursday night, instead of having sex... we talked. We talked about ( Read more... )