(no subject)
I've decided that driving alone is a really fucking bad idea for me. Even short little distances. Like, whoa. I drove to Nashville to have a 'photoshoot' that quite literally was only 7 minutes long... 35 minutes up there and back. It was... amusing. I don't have the money to do that whole thing with the gas. Oh well. I get published this Thursday, so I'll probably scan a copy and post it on here for any of you here that care to see it. But as for the driving... I had to follow (new)Bryan up to the Tennessean office building thing, but I was by myself in the car. The ride up there wasn't so bad because I was preoccupied with following Bryan. However, when I Was driving back, even though I was playing the new Fiona Apple CD (HOT!), I started thinking.... and I've learned that, at this point in my life, idle thinking isn't a good thing. So, of course, I get pretty upset and depressed on the 35 minute ride back home... which is a pretty quick time from being happy and excited about the game reviewing I was to be doing to completely being depressed, crying in my car while driving 85mph down the interstate.... yeah. Not Good. I called my mom to talk to her for a while, but my phone died... so I was stuck with about 9 more miles to go... and nothing to do to keep my mind away from Jeremy. I miss him a lot, still, but it's in a weird way... a way I don't know if I can delve into here, necessarily because I think a lot of people would judge me and not understand my reasoning behind a lot of things...
Basically, I just don't like being alone. Last night was the first time I've slept alone since Jeremy's died. I fell asleep, eventually, because I was on the phone with (new)Bryan until way late... but if I hadn't talked to him until his phone died, I'm sure I would have gotten depressed. It doesn't help I have had this same headache since last night... God, it's killer. I've never had a headache last through a night before. I took 2 ibproufen, even.... nothing. So, I don't know what's going on inside of this head. I don't like sleeping alone, anymore. I like the company, the presence, the support. Keeps my mind off of things. I'll have to sleep alone until Tuesday night.... I think I'll be able to handle it, as long as I wear myself out before it... *sigh*
Yesterday was a lot of fun. Katie, Aimee, and I drove to Manchester, Tennessee to take some pictures. A lot of them came out really well. We just had a fun time trapsing around the State Park and looking at the waterfalls. Yay that all three of us have cameras now. You should check out all three of our sites: Katie's, Aimee's, Mine. I haven't posted too many, and Aimee hasn't posted any, yet, but Katie has a few... and I know I'll be getting more up soon, as will Aimee.
Last night I was on AIM, and I invite Kory, one of my employees over to play video games with me, Katie, and Will Gray. It was fun. I owned Kory at Soul Calibur (except when I played Ivy), and I owned everyone at Mario KArt (except for once, but that is beside the point). It was fun. I had to do payroll last night, so everyone left around midnight. Thankfully, though, it didn't take us too long.
This morning I had my radio show with my two interns. Wally wasn't there, but it ran pretty smoothly. Poor Chris messed up once, but not so badly. I messed up 3 times.... but I fixed it eventually!!...... It's a lot of fun with my two interns. :) Both are really cute and nice guys. Good personalities... and have much love for the video games, so of course I would get along with them well ;) It was pretty sweet.
Oh! I also got my XBox Live subscription back! It was a big fight, much bigger than it needed to have been. In fact, I'm sorely tempted to post the email that (ex)Bryan sent me in response to him BLOCKING ME ON AIM after he said he needed to talk to me. Grrrr. I'm still very very pissed about it. Synopsis: Basically, I find out that (ex)Bryan has blocked me on AIM. My friend Mike was gonna hook me up with a renewal in my Live Subscription, but he needed (ex)Bryan's last four digits of his credit card (my sub was in his name), so he asked me to get it. I'm like: but he's not online-- I can't ask him. Then Mike told me that he was online, so... BINGO. I've been blocked. Yeah, makes no sense to me, considering he SAID he wanted to talk to me about 5 days ago. *Shrugs* So, I ask Mike to ask him about it, and Mike said that (ex)Bryan said just to email him about it, and we'll figure everything out, get the info, etc. So, I email him about it, and I get this shitty-assed reply back:
me: Do you have me blocked? You said you wanted to talk, but... you're not online..
him: Yeah. Well, things have been shitty with me. I'm still trying to sort stuff out. But what with dude dying and stuff, i basically realized you treated me like shit for way to long, and i'm mad that i didn't break up with you, and i'm even madder that you strung me along obviously not really caring for me, and instead flirting with every guy on xbox live instead. So yeah. I'm going out tonight. You can wait on your god damn xbox live for a little while i think. And i hope you know that you've fucked me up relationship wise for a long damn time. And i wouldn't be so pissed and fucked up if you weren't so callous about it, and you hadn't decided to go fuck some random guy WEEKS after we broke up. You know? That hurts. You told me you didn't have anyone lined up. All i ever wanted from you was to spend time with you ever once in a while, and all you did was blow me off time and time again. So yeah. I'm gonna blow you off.
....
I was blown away. How fucking random! Out of the blue! Why do I need to have to deal with this right now???? I've never been so incredibly pissed off in my life. Or hurt. Or shocked. Fucking-a, man. I'd post my reply to that email, but it's very heated, and I don't know if I want to subject you guys to my hatred, hurt, and anger.... But I got my subscription back, eventually. Now I just have to get my TV, NES, 64, and computer... Hopefully, I'll be able to get away with not even interacting with him at all. Hopefully, I'll be able to con someone else into doing it for me.... Oh, did I tell you? I'm (ex)Bryan's boss. We have to maintain an aire of professionalism about it all... joy of joys, huh?
Grrr...
But I have this AWFUL headache that's shooting through my head.. I've been at the computer long enough... Adieu.
Basically, I just don't like being alone. Last night was the first time I've slept alone since Jeremy's died. I fell asleep, eventually, because I was on the phone with (new)Bryan until way late... but if I hadn't talked to him until his phone died, I'm sure I would have gotten depressed. It doesn't help I have had this same headache since last night... God, it's killer. I've never had a headache last through a night before. I took 2 ibproufen, even.... nothing. So, I don't know what's going on inside of this head. I don't like sleeping alone, anymore. I like the company, the presence, the support. Keeps my mind off of things. I'll have to sleep alone until Tuesday night.... I think I'll be able to handle it, as long as I wear myself out before it... *sigh*
Yesterday was a lot of fun. Katie, Aimee, and I drove to Manchester, Tennessee to take some pictures. A lot of them came out really well. We just had a fun time trapsing around the State Park and looking at the waterfalls. Yay that all three of us have cameras now. You should check out all three of our sites: Katie's, Aimee's, Mine. I haven't posted too many, and Aimee hasn't posted any, yet, but Katie has a few... and I know I'll be getting more up soon, as will Aimee.
Last night I was on AIM, and I invite Kory, one of my employees over to play video games with me, Katie, and Will Gray. It was fun. I owned Kory at Soul Calibur (except when I played Ivy), and I owned everyone at Mario KArt (except for once, but that is beside the point). It was fun. I had to do payroll last night, so everyone left around midnight. Thankfully, though, it didn't take us too long.
This morning I had my radio show with my two interns. Wally wasn't there, but it ran pretty smoothly. Poor Chris messed up once, but not so badly. I messed up 3 times.... but I fixed it eventually!!...... It's a lot of fun with my two interns. :) Both are really cute and nice guys. Good personalities... and have much love for the video games, so of course I would get along with them well ;) It was pretty sweet.
Oh! I also got my XBox Live subscription back! It was a big fight, much bigger than it needed to have been. In fact, I'm sorely tempted to post the email that (ex)Bryan sent me in response to him BLOCKING ME ON AIM after he said he needed to talk to me. Grrrr. I'm still very very pissed about it. Synopsis: Basically, I find out that (ex)Bryan has blocked me on AIM. My friend Mike was gonna hook me up with a renewal in my Live Subscription, but he needed (ex)Bryan's last four digits of his credit card (my sub was in his name), so he asked me to get it. I'm like: but he's not online-- I can't ask him. Then Mike told me that he was online, so... BINGO. I've been blocked. Yeah, makes no sense to me, considering he SAID he wanted to talk to me about 5 days ago. *Shrugs* So, I ask Mike to ask him about it, and Mike said that (ex)Bryan said just to email him about it, and we'll figure everything out, get the info, etc. So, I email him about it, and I get this shitty-assed reply back:
me: Do you have me blocked? You said you wanted to talk, but... you're not online..
him: Yeah. Well, things have been shitty with me. I'm still trying to sort stuff out. But what with dude dying and stuff, i basically realized you treated me like shit for way to long, and i'm mad that i didn't break up with you, and i'm even madder that you strung me along obviously not really caring for me, and instead flirting with every guy on xbox live instead. So yeah. I'm going out tonight. You can wait on your god damn xbox live for a little while i think. And i hope you know that you've fucked me up relationship wise for a long damn time. And i wouldn't be so pissed and fucked up if you weren't so callous about it, and you hadn't decided to go fuck some random guy WEEKS after we broke up. You know? That hurts. You told me you didn't have anyone lined up. All i ever wanted from you was to spend time with you ever once in a while, and all you did was blow me off time and time again. So yeah. I'm gonna blow you off.
....
I was blown away. How fucking random! Out of the blue! Why do I need to have to deal with this right now???? I've never been so incredibly pissed off in my life. Or hurt. Or shocked. Fucking-a, man. I'd post my reply to that email, but it's very heated, and I don't know if I want to subject you guys to my hatred, hurt, and anger.... But I got my subscription back, eventually. Now I just have to get my TV, NES, 64, and computer... Hopefully, I'll be able to get away with not even interacting with him at all. Hopefully, I'll be able to con someone else into doing it for me.... Oh, did I tell you? I'm (ex)Bryan's boss. We have to maintain an aire of professionalism about it all... joy of joys, huh?
Grrr...
But I have this AWFUL headache that's shooting through my head.. I've been at the computer long enough... Adieu.