billy i was going to send you a poem i wrote that i thought you might like because I figured you'd be able to relate to it but after i sent the last post, went and found it, then signed back on to send it, i saw your new post and just want to say that i admire you and your courage. i'm sorry that things have been so shitty for you lately and just want you to know you've got a friend here that cares about you even though we've never met. i understand what you're saying because i can empathize with you in my own situation. for me, just knowing people care really helps coz' when you're feeling like no one understands or gives a rats ass about you it makes things seem even darker and bleaker than they already appear to be. i am really happy that you're fighting the urge to hurt yourself and know how fu*king desperate that fights is. i have scars from my past that read like a braille story on my skin and it was a helluva battle to learn a new language which didn't need braille deciphering. i think people who care about humanity are touched on a much deeper level than those who are so shallow they can't grasp the concept of another's paon. you're very sensitive and aware of things. please keep your promise and don't hurt yourself, don't give into that temptation that seduces, you deserve better and are stronger than the desire of cold steel against warm skin. i am proud of your fight in this battle and promise you that things will improve in time - it's just so damned hard to wait and be patient - i know firsthand. i saved for my car almost two years, remember, i told you about the used pt cruiser a long time ago? i was supposed to get it by graduation (yeah, i'm 19, stayed back my senior year)and even though i could buy the car i couldn't pay the insurance and my folks (divorced) couldn't help me out so i felt like a fu*cking failure. i still haven't found a summer job but will be living on the cape with my dad because my mom wants me to this summer. i cant afford jacksh*t to have my own place, my own car, new clothes and all that crap so i just need to keep saving until i can. i know it sucks billy, i get really down when i think of all that stuff to. anyway don't want to rant and rave on just want you to know i think you're a wonderful person even though i don't know you well and ask you to try and keep your spirits up because you're worth it. maybe we can get together for lunch or a movie or something just to say hi when i start living with my dad in june? hang in there! ~Michelle Brianna~
~Michelle Brianna~
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