...anxiety attack
Well. The vacation is nearly over. I found out allot of things, however. Everything is so bunched up in my head though. As some of you may know, it is quite rare that I remember dreams, but the other day I actually remembered one:
It was prom night and I went to heather’s house to pick her up [I figured I dreamed about this because it has been on my mind constantly lately... just the stress of knowing I am going to be in someone’s photo album as "the first prom date"] She wasn't in a dress, instead she was wearing a tux. It was a woman like tux... like a theater/show tux for chicks. But I remember having to say what I thought. I think someone asked me or something, like her mother or some shit. I remember being speechless for a long while before saying "wow... you are gorgeous". I remember thinking she was the most beautiful thing I have e3ver saw. It was really quite amazing.
*sigh* Why are girls such dumb bitches? In general, I mean. Nothing can be easy with them. Whatever. I should go to bed now. Tomorrow is Sunday and the last day of vacation so I am probably going to have some really bad anxiety.
You know what? I was looking at my journal (like every night) to see who commented. Again, no one. I mean, Sometimes I do get one (thanks matt)... but not much. I realized.... I am talking to know one. No one reads this (with exception to matt) no one cares.... I can say whatever I want... lets see....
My crush for heather is growing even stronger and I wish I could kill it
I have been friendly with IT lately
I am 18 years old
I truly don’t think anyone cares, even though I say that people do. (heh, explain sitting in my room ALL vacation without one single "hey, lets hang out" or a phone call... okay hold up. I DID go to the mall to get a tux and I did go to work on Wednesday... so I wasn’t in my room ALL vacation.... I saw kayci a few nights too...)
I have been thinking of cool stuff I can buy other people more than me saving up for the "car" situation
I do not trust my father nor do I trust my mother ONE BIT
RUG is suicidal
I want, so badly, to spend 2 more weeks in a hospital
I wish Jaime didn’t hate me so much
I rarely jack off anymore
I wish I could go through a day of school without talking to anyone only to come home and go to sleep and repeat the cycle
I plan on going to Canada in June only to stay there and never return
I HATE SEX, I REALLY DO
I don't think their is any such thing as "a scary movie" anymore
Two of heather's drawings are hanging on my wall and I can't help but feel that maybe I AM obsessed
I need to be shot
I have really bad tummy problems and always will
I hate my sister
My room really smells and I can never figure out why
I miss wayde
I generally hate anyone who uses drugs/alcohol right away
I don't know why I am still here
I wish I was and have tried to be a-sexual
Now I plan on going to bed and staying there until school on Monday. This won't be too hard concid4ering I doubt I will get one phone call from anyone, especially one saying "hey bill, lets go do something"
Goodnight fuckers
It was prom night and I went to heather’s house to pick her up [I figured I dreamed about this because it has been on my mind constantly lately... just the stress of knowing I am going to be in someone’s photo album as "the first prom date"] She wasn't in a dress, instead she was wearing a tux. It was a woman like tux... like a theater/show tux for chicks. But I remember having to say what I thought. I think someone asked me or something, like her mother or some shit. I remember being speechless for a long while before saying "wow... you are gorgeous". I remember thinking she was the most beautiful thing I have e3ver saw. It was really quite amazing.
*sigh* Why are girls such dumb bitches? In general, I mean. Nothing can be easy with them. Whatever. I should go to bed now. Tomorrow is Sunday and the last day of vacation so I am probably going to have some really bad anxiety.
You know what? I was looking at my journal (like every night) to see who commented. Again, no one. I mean, Sometimes I do get one (thanks matt)... but not much. I realized.... I am talking to know one. No one reads this (with exception to matt) no one cares.... I can say whatever I want... lets see....
My crush for heather is growing even stronger and I wish I could kill it
I have been friendly with IT lately
I am 18 years old
I truly don’t think anyone cares, even though I say that people do. (heh, explain sitting in my room ALL vacation without one single "hey, lets hang out" or a phone call... okay hold up. I DID go to the mall to get a tux and I did go to work on Wednesday... so I wasn’t in my room ALL vacation.... I saw kayci a few nights too...)
I have been thinking of cool stuff I can buy other people more than me saving up for the "car" situation
I do not trust my father nor do I trust my mother ONE BIT
RUG is suicidal
I want, so badly, to spend 2 more weeks in a hospital
I wish Jaime didn’t hate me so much
I rarely jack off anymore
I wish I could go through a day of school without talking to anyone only to come home and go to sleep and repeat the cycle
I plan on going to Canada in June only to stay there and never return
I HATE SEX, I REALLY DO
I don't think their is any such thing as "a scary movie" anymore
Two of heather's drawings are hanging on my wall and I can't help but feel that maybe I AM obsessed
I need to be shot
I have really bad tummy problems and always will
I hate my sister
My room really smells and I can never figure out why
I miss wayde
I generally hate anyone who uses drugs/alcohol right away
I don't know why I am still here
I wish I was and have tried to be a-sexual
Now I plan on going to bed and staying there until school on Monday. This won't be too hard concid4ering I doubt I will get one phone call from anyone, especially one saying "hey bill, lets go do something"
Goodnight fuckers