...the love of my life
So i was forced to go back to the hospital while in outpatient on Friday the 6th. They like to conveniently fail to tell you that if you don't go voluntarily then you will be sent there involuntarily. At that time it becomes involuntarily no matter what. This is a 51-50. They hold you for 3 days and you cannot leave. A 51-50 can become a 52-50 in which you cannot leave, voluntarily, for 14 days. Anyway, ,y psychiatrist in outpatient was worried that i was not taking proper care of myself, which i admit i was not. i was going days without showering or eating. My room became the messiest it has ever been. And i also wasn't doing much to prepare for the future or move forward. The problem, i think, was that i partially gave up and i partially thought that i would get a job and not have to worry about being homeless. It was in the hospital that i realized there is absolutely no avoiding it. i will lose my place. That's it. The next step was to come to terms with this absolute repulsive revelation which i believe i have. However, i have received more stunning blows.
1. My SSI every month is, apparently, going to be a whopping 25$ a month. i was originally told it would be 250$. i was sent their calculations for this and they didn't make any sense. They did not explain where they got these, to me, random numbers for calculating the end result of 25$
2. i needed the extra 250$ to pay for a storage unit and for movers to move my stuff. i have absolutely no idea how i am accomplishing this now. i was also planning on using the extra 250$ to help Corri pay for, what was once our, her car. It would have been way easier to live in a car than out on the streets. i may still be able to do it. i am saving a lot of money now that i won't have an electric bill to pay for but i am also going to have the additional monthly expense of paying for a storage unit.
i have emailed them and asked them to explain their numbers to me. i am hoping that they think i am still working and the numbers are my assumed monthly income from work. Telling them i haven't been working since July sounds like an easy fix. i can't find a ride to partial tomorrow so i think i will go to the SS office instead. Not sure i want to wait for an email response. i have a feeling it will take some time. This is just another huge blow. it is important i get a storage unit and get my stuff to the storage unit so i may have to overdraw my account. Not sure how i am going to get back into the positives though. But this is kind of important, obviously. i have absolutely nowhere to store my computer and TV. Both were very expensive and, honestly, the only things i truly care about. i can always get another bed and dressers and such. i think i am going to get rid of the dressers that i do have. They are big, heavy, ugly, and i am unsure they will even fit in the 5x10 storage unit i have reserved.
And then there is Minerva. i had no luck in finding her a home with people that i know which is what i wanted to do since i would, hopefully, be able to get her back if i ever get my shit back together. A feat that i am finding very hopeless.
Well that is the basic update to my crummy life. i was really feeling better in the hospital after coming to terms with being homeless and creating something of a plan for preparing myself for becoming homeless. It is just another blow that i have to make very unwanted alterations to the plan due to an unexpected change in finances and a lack of having friends that are able to take in a cat. i burst out in tears every time i think about having to give up Minerva, even if it is temporary. i am teary eyes right now just thinking about it. i'm going to lose my cat. i just won't ever be able to come to terms with that.
1. My SSI every month is, apparently, going to be a whopping 25$ a month. i was originally told it would be 250$. i was sent their calculations for this and they didn't make any sense. They did not explain where they got these, to me, random numbers for calculating the end result of 25$
2. i needed the extra 250$ to pay for a storage unit and for movers to move my stuff. i have absolutely no idea how i am accomplishing this now. i was also planning on using the extra 250$ to help Corri pay for, what was once our, her car. It would have been way easier to live in a car than out on the streets. i may still be able to do it. i am saving a lot of money now that i won't have an electric bill to pay for but i am also going to have the additional monthly expense of paying for a storage unit.
i have emailed them and asked them to explain their numbers to me. i am hoping that they think i am still working and the numbers are my assumed monthly income from work. Telling them i haven't been working since July sounds like an easy fix. i can't find a ride to partial tomorrow so i think i will go to the SS office instead. Not sure i want to wait for an email response. i have a feeling it will take some time. This is just another huge blow. it is important i get a storage unit and get my stuff to the storage unit so i may have to overdraw my account. Not sure how i am going to get back into the positives though. But this is kind of important, obviously. i have absolutely nowhere to store my computer and TV. Both were very expensive and, honestly, the only things i truly care about. i can always get another bed and dressers and such. i think i am going to get rid of the dressers that i do have. They are big, heavy, ugly, and i am unsure they will even fit in the 5x10 storage unit i have reserved.
And then there is Minerva. i had no luck in finding her a home with people that i know which is what i wanted to do since i would, hopefully, be able to get her back if i ever get my shit back together. A feat that i am finding very hopeless.
Well that is the basic update to my crummy life. i was really feeling better in the hospital after coming to terms with being homeless and creating something of a plan for preparing myself for becoming homeless. It is just another blow that i have to make very unwanted alterations to the plan due to an unexpected change in finances and a lack of having friends that are able to take in a cat. i burst out in tears every time i think about having to give up Minerva, even if it is temporary. i am teary eyes right now just thinking about it. i'm going to lose my cat. i just won't ever be able to come to terms with that.