I need an adult!
People,
I am a college-educated professional adult living in the real world. I have made my bones in this world. I have faced troubles and trials. I have lost more times than I’ve won and I’m still fighting. I am a full grown woman of grace and wisdom. I also accidently dyed my face bright neon yellow last night.
Last night, I washed my face with a new “black head eliminating” scrub, using a new recipe I found online. As soon as the deep cleaning baking soda and apple cider vinegar of the recipe touched my face, I could immediately feel the difference. As I didn’t want the scrub to get into my eyes, I blindly continued to vigorously scrub my face. All of it. Each and every bit. Paying special attention to my chin and nose - where my most common black head break outs occur.
Afterwards, I leaned over the sink to rinse the gently sudsing mixture away. Opening my eyes, I looked down into the sink and noticed the bright yellow stains. With a profound sense of dread, I realized the recipe had called for turmeric.
Turmeric, the spice I will not use unless and until I have an apron to protect my clothes from staining. Turmeric, often used to dye clothing. Turmeric, which I blithely added into the face scrubbing mixture.
It was then I looked into the mirror above the sink and saw the horror. Of all the multitudes of mistakes I have made within my lifetime, I have never gazed into the mirror with such revulsion and terror. What I saw in the glass was no woman, it was loathing and fear.
I saw Ronald McDonald after he had been drenched in radioactive mustard sauce.
My wet hair dripping into my face only giving into the illusion of an anthropomorphic melting stick of butter.
My eyebrows were the color of a neon yellow highlighter.
My nose and chin, which I had so carefully given attention to, became duel beckons to guide the ships home from sea.
I had become Big Bird’s illicit, out of wedlock, offspring.
I sit here today, face stinging of various astringents used to undye my face and hands, as a painful lesson to the future. I have seen the monstrosity of my misdeeds, and I am afraid.
I am a college-educated professional adult living in the real world. I have made my bones in this world. I have faced troubles and trials. I have lost more times than I’ve won and I’m still fighting. I am a full grown woman of grace and wisdom. I also accidently dyed my face bright neon yellow last night.
Last night, I washed my face with a new “black head eliminating” scrub, using a new recipe I found online. As soon as the deep cleaning baking soda and apple cider vinegar of the recipe touched my face, I could immediately feel the difference. As I didn’t want the scrub to get into my eyes, I blindly continued to vigorously scrub my face. All of it. Each and every bit. Paying special attention to my chin and nose - where my most common black head break outs occur.
Afterwards, I leaned over the sink to rinse the gently sudsing mixture away. Opening my eyes, I looked down into the sink and noticed the bright yellow stains. With a profound sense of dread, I realized the recipe had called for turmeric.
Turmeric, the spice I will not use unless and until I have an apron to protect my clothes from staining. Turmeric, often used to dye clothing. Turmeric, which I blithely added into the face scrubbing mixture.
It was then I looked into the mirror above the sink and saw the horror. Of all the multitudes of mistakes I have made within my lifetime, I have never gazed into the mirror with such revulsion and terror. What I saw in the glass was no woman, it was loathing and fear.
I saw Ronald McDonald after he had been drenched in radioactive mustard sauce.
My wet hair dripping into my face only giving into the illusion of an anthropomorphic melting stick of butter.
My eyebrows were the color of a neon yellow highlighter.
My nose and chin, which I had so carefully given attention to, became duel beckons to guide the ships home from sea.
I had become Big Bird’s illicit, out of wedlock, offspring.
I sit here today, face stinging of various astringents used to undye my face and hands, as a painful lesson to the future. I have seen the monstrosity of my misdeeds, and I am afraid.