Thinky Thoughts
This time of having no job and really being without anything tying me down has really led me to the thinky-thoughts place. My mother is being nothing but supportive and encouraging of me lately, and as frustrated as I am with her taking advantage of me being home to use me as a constant babysitter for the Bean, I can't be anything but grateful for that. While I am looking for something that will just pay the bills right now, my future really is wide open. I don't have a lease to worry about. I only have to really earn enough to make my student loan and credit card payments. I could be anywhere next year, doing anything. I could still be here, working some government job in Statesville. I could be in New Orleans, working with Teach for America. I could be in the DC-Metro area. Hell, I could be in Wales entering a PhD program or doing some sort of research work. I could be in Raleigh, going for another MA and another BA. While this time is scary, uncertain, and until I earn some source of income, stressful, it's also freeing. I've never been at this stage in my life. I've always had a secured next step. A short-term-set-in-stone path. Now, I'm just sort of floating, letting it all be, for the first time in 26 years, I'm just going to let life happen. Let someone else take most of the burden. Act my age and not like I'm 45. I'll always be an old soul, that's not going to change, I'll always be overly critical of my self, but right now, I can start breathing for a bit.
Though I am still cracking up over one convo from today. For various reasons, I've been using the government alphabet agency websites for fic research, since I want to get as close to correct as possible about departments/rankings etc. Any way, I am actually pretty damn qualified for one of the open department positions on one of the websites. My mother's demanded I apply. I'm still debating, but it's honestly not all that often my education so clearly matches up with a career requirement. I'll mull it over for a few days.
I still have my TFA application to work on. I hate doing letters of intent and statements of purpose. I hate having to "build myself up" b/c it always feels like I'm bragging or trying to win the sympathy card with the sob story of my life, when I'm just trying to explain the who/whys of who I am. I just can't write a letter about the state of America's education and not talk about our struggles with all the Special Ed programs not offered in NC for my sister.
Now for things I am excited about:
RenFest! Starts Oct. 9th. Super expensive tickets this year, but I MUST go. It's open until Nov. 21st, so plenty of weekends to pick from.
Halloween! I have a house to decorate. With a porch. I've already started my internet window shopping for some new decor. I've got my eyes on some Peanuts light up sidewalk lights. They're something we actually need, so functional but cute.
New tattoos! Oct 11th (Oct is a busy month for me, always) is the 20th anniv. of my father's death. For my first non-Celtic themed tattoo, I want to get one that reminds me of my father. I plan to use one of his old railroad keys as a basis, use four roses (me, my mom, my sister, and my bro) to sit at the base. He loved roses, and those keys always remind me of him. I might actually do color with this one, though I'd like to have black/grey-scale roses to keep with my overall tattoo color theme. It'll be inside of my right ankle. I just need to sit down with an artist to talk about it. I probably won't be able to pay for it until Jan or Feb, but then I can also use it as a 27th b-day present to myself or for what would have been my father's 61st birthday. We shall see.
Now I shall end with a picture of Dusty. And some Paul Simon, just because.
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