the Sins Of The Father
I feel like I'm losing it. Maybe I never had it. I'm starting to doubt whether or not I have it in me to raise a boy in a world that in many ways is quite hostile to little brown boys soon to be brown men. It isn't even just brown boys, but that there is this undercurrent among some third wave feminists who feel emboldened to express hostility towards boys. My Boy is being blamed for the crimes of another generation. It is in the fact that my feminists friends don't seem to see the problem of wearing a t-shirt that says "dead men don't rape" when we visit, or that it is okay to make sweeping statements about how evil men are when my son is in earshot.
They are still boys people. There is still hope. Maybe together we can make them better than the men that have neglected, abandoned, beaten and raped us. Also, let us remember that the men who have visited atrocities on our lives are not all men.
Today The Boy shoved a neighbor kid. It was not okay, and we had a long talk about thinking before acting and how much bigger he is than the average kid his age. The other kid was fine. In The Boy's defense, however, he is only 11 and really this is all some kid stuff. As big as he is he is still young in his head. He has some maturing to do.
Anyway, after the whole thing happened I had a long talk with The Boy and he expressed some sincere remorse. He was actually ready to go and apologize to the other kid when his mom came knocking on the door. She came to tell me that she was pissed about what had happened. The more time went by, the more upset she was becoming. She felt that she was about to have a panic attack. She asked if she needed to call the police and have them talk to The Boy about assault.
I was just straight up stunned. I mean, this response seemed totally out of step with what had happened. Also, what the fuck is she panicking about? Her kid was fine. By the time we walked around to apologize he was over it and playing with a bunch of kids in the front yard. My boy doesn't have a track record as the neighborhood menace or anything like that. If anything, he is known to be a very sincere and helpful child. He typically looks out for all the little guys in the neighborhood. Frankly, I am in a panic to know that I have neighbors who will call the police when two little boys mix it up in a way that leaves no one hurt.
maybe she is panicking because she can't see what I see. When I see my son I see someone who has a lot to learn still. I think she sees a future offender. I can think of no other reason to even suggest calling the police on an 11 year old child who has no history of violence-- a child that you have lived down the street from for three years, a child that you have watched grow, a child that you ought to know a little better than that. Besides, I am a responsive, responsible parent. My Kids aren't just running amok around the neighborhood. People know me around here for pete's sake. I thought that meant something, but apparently it doesn't.
Now I just want to keep The Boy near me. I want to surround him with only people who can see how good he is, instead of people who just see him as a suspect.