(no subject)
This is the first time I've been in a good mood for a long time. Unfortunetly I'm happy for reasons that I can already see fading away. But you know what? I'm slowly accepting my fate as the girl that no one really wants to be with. I'm sorta like that song Elmo sings when he takes a trip to the ocean "Its a nice place to visit but I wouldn't wanna live there" ... well, I'm a nice girl to have around, but most people don't really keep me. Ha, its a very sad realization, but I'm okay with it... today anyway, lol.
Last night was really wonderful... I need to stop drinking, but it was still great. I've been really adamant lately about everything because I put myself out there and got really hurt. I'm talking cynical, bitter, angry, rediculously sad... and I'm sure I'll be feeling that again soon, but today, in this moment, I'm great. So, you're probably wondering what the hell happened last night.
First of all the reason I've been really upset lately is terrible because the person and I are trying to be friends immediately after all of the insanity that should have wrecked us in the first place. Rather, they are trying to be my friend and I'm suffering through the decision to be friends or hate them. We still hang out almost daily, which is sometimes like a slap in the face, but all's well. Last night, after six shots of rum, one of so-co, and two beers I came to the realization that its okay.
Its okay to be mad and upset, but its also okay to still be friends. Sure there was a little hurt, but there's still a lot of good that can come of our friendship. I think we offer each other so much on an intellectual level that despite the fact that I'm going to miss them like crazy every once in a while, everything will be alright. I'll grow out of this "I don't believe in love, I hate relationships, Boys suck" mentality and life will be beautiful again. Yes, again; it was beautiful before, I just lost sight of its beauty.
However, I am missing a few details from last night... so if anyone knows what they are, please remind me cause then some of the things I do remember would make a lot more sense, lol. I have to go and study now, maybe enjoy the last two hours of sunlight before the freezing night comes.