Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel's Pokémon Journey, Part Eight
You may or may not remember Old Fanfiction Book Club! Back in early 2019, I started rereading and annotating Rachel's Pokémon Journey, the first fic I ever posted, written between the ages of twelve and fourteen. It was never completed, but it got up to twenty-one chapters. However, I only annotated up to chapter fifteen.
This is because we're about to hit the point where thirteen-year-old me cheerfully mishandles a serious topic that adult me has very strong feelings about, and I'm not sure whether I'll be able to annotate without getting too personal.
Still, I've just reread
zarla's Howl of a Growlithe, the fic that originally inspired twelve-year-old Riona to start writing this twenty years ago, and it's put me in a nostalgic mood. I've found myself thinking fondly back to Old Fanfiction Book Club. I had fun annotating this! I'm going to try to start it up again.
Just... be aware that this section of the fic is going to attempt to tackle a sensitive subject, and it's going to do it badly.
Fuller details, if anyone wants them in advance (highlight to read, just in case anyone's concerned about spoilers for Rachel's Pokémon Journey): there's an apparent suicide that later turns out to be murder.
Previously on Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel defeats Brock and meets a mysterious girl named Leena, who gives her a Dratini that apparently demanded to be brought to Rachel specifically. How this Dratini knows who Rachel is, or why it wanted her to own it, is never explained.
Original author's note on chapter sixteen: Yes, the reviewer chars are coming... starting in this chapter, actually. And the storyline is gonna get darker. Much darker.
I wrote the first fifteen chapters before I started posting them to fanfiction.net, so this is the first chapter I posted as soon as I wrote it, meaning I can pinpoint when it was written! Both of these chapters were written and posted in May 2002, so it's been some time since October 2000, when I first started writing this fic. I'm thirteen and cool now and that means I'm going to make things dark >:(
(Michael’s View)
who the fuck is Michael
The world slowly blurred back into focus. I looked around, wincing - my neck was REALLY stiff. A cage of some sort. The blurred bars slowly focused as my head cleared.
A lot of people seem to end up in cages in this fic.
I quickly checked for my cameras. They were both intact.
Michael's a photographer, I guess? Definitely a character submitted by a reader on fanfiction.net. I wish I'd preserved the character submission forms readers had sent in when I switched to a less embarrassing e-mail address. (My address at the time, as a reminder, was mewofdarkness@hotmail.com)
I heaved a sigh of relief, and turned my mind to the more immediate problem.
“How did I get here?”
“You’re conscious?”
The sound of another person’s voice startled me, and I spun, trying to locate the source. There in the cage next to me was... a girl. Not a normal girl. Not at all.
She was holding the bars with her hands, looking in at me, a hint of concern in her green eyes. Her hair was reddish-brown, reaching almost to her waist. Her tail was long, thick, powerful and purple.
Her tail.
Again, very Animorphs-style writing here.
I don't think kid me intended the description of the tail to sound sexual, but it does sound a little bit sexual.
I was looking at a girl whose lower body - waist downwards - was covered in short grey fur. The sight was an incredible shock, and I began stuttering. “Y-y-what happened to you?”
I love that I feel I explicitly have to say it's surprising to see someone who's half-Pokémon.
This girl is another reader-submitted character: a girl who was spliced with Mewtwo. I felt kind of awkward about including a Mewtwo hybrid - there's only one Mewtwo in the Pokémon world, and it's extremely powerful! It seemed unlikely that Team Rocket would either choose to perform this experiment on it or have the opportunity to! - but I would have felt more awkward about rejecting the character submission.
“Oh…” She rubbed her tail unhappily, and I got the impression that this was a touchy subject for her. “They made me into an anthro - a Pokemorph. They’ll do it to you as well, if you don’t get out of here.”
Editing the day after posting to say I've only just noticed that I don't put the accent on Pokémon, Pokémorph or Pokécenter in these two chapters. I have no idea why not. The chapters before and after all have the accent; I always took pride in including it! But somehow it's missing in these two.
“How am I meant to get out?” I asked. Despite the situation, I was feeling oddly calm.
“Well, you managed to regain consciousness before they came for you...” She smiled suddenly, her eyes sparkling. “I have an idea.”
(JB’s view)
“You started it!” Scratchy snarled at Stardreamer.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“Shut up, both of you, or I’ll sic Sparky on you!” Secret snapped. We were walking along some cliffs by the sea on a shortcut to Mount Moon when a fight had broken out between the two Meowth. Now both of them were decorated with vicious scratches, and Stardreamer had part of his charm missing. Rachel was concerned, but it turned out Meowth charms regenerated.
This... might be canon? Meowth of Team Rocket does lose his charm at one point in the anime; I can't remember whether he finds it again or it grows back. Pretty sure I was just making things up for convenience's sake, though; if Meowth charms actually do regenerate, it's a coincidence.
Want to know why the Meowth were fighting? TOO BAD.
Fred and his Zubat Skreeal were wandering along, snickering about some secret they had. Sparky was riding on Danielle’s shoulder, and Bulba on the other. We had all agreed that this was best for Bulba, as Sparky wouldn’t ever risk shocking Danielle. He may act like a heartless bully, but Sparky adores his trainer.
Possibly I was starting to worry that I'd made Sparky too shallow.
Leena’s Marril ran ahead, scouting out the area. Leena was the latest addition to our team - a weird girl, completely hyper. She was bounding along, giggling for absolutely no reason. She never seemed to feel cold, even though it was freezing and the vicious wind was whipping the waves up into a frenzy.
I looked over at the cliff edge. And suddenly I felt an odd presence, a mind other than my own.
(Blaze’s view)
My trainer suddenly froze. I looked over at him. “What’s wrong?”
He looked down at me and grinned - that infectious grin he had! “Just a stone in my shoe. You go on ahead, I’ll take it out.”
I stared at him suspiciously, but shrugged and carried on. Now, when I look back, I can’t tell you how much I wish I had stayed.
(JB’s view)
Free writing tip: don't suddenly break up the narration with '[CHARACTER]'S VIEW' when you're trying to be dramatic.
I crouched, fiddling with my shoelaces until I was sure Blaze was out of sight. Then I straightened and walked to the cliff edge.
{What it’s like to fly...}
The wind whipped my hair back, saltwater stinging my face. I gazed down at the raging waters. Took a step closer to the edge.
{I want to know what it’s like to fly...}
The phrase 'what it's like to fly' is one hundred percent stolen from fanfiction.net user yaoiFantasy's Final Fantasy VIII fic What It's Like to Fly, in which Zell dies by suicide. I was evidently struck by it as a kid (I doubt I'd have tossed JB off a cliff for no reason if I hadn't read it), but I can no longer read it because I find it too distressing, particularly as the author says it's an outlet for personal feelings. I've consciously chosen not to include the link here.
Because, before I die - I'd like to know what it feels like to fly, Zell thinks in the fic I'm ripping off. Plus, of course, the phrase is in the fic's title. I'm not the most subtle of thieves. As a member of Team Rocket, I'd very much be on Jessie and James's level.
Original author's note at the end of chapter sixteen: Poor JB... *sniff* I wasn’t planning for this to happen, but the story has begun to write itself...
By 'the story has begun to write itself', I meant 'I've been reading a lot of melodramatic angstfic and I've decided that obviously that's exactly what my story needs'.
Original author's note for chapter seventeen: *grins* Another chapter for you people!
--Cassandra’s View--
You haven't actually mentioned that Cassandra is the Mewtwo hybrid, Riona. '--Cassandra's View--' is no help at all if nobody knows who Cassandra is.
I lay in the cage, pretending to be asleep. In the cage next to me lay Michael, seemingly unconscious. I must admit, he’s a great actor.
Famously the true test of acting skills, pretending to be unconscious.
‘If this plan doesn’t work, nothing will,’ I whispered.
It's possible Cassandra is just impressed by Michael's acting skills because hers are so bad in comparison. She's whispering unnecessarily, and, given that she's able to see what's happening around her, I'm pretty sure she has her eyes open. Neither of these are great things to do when you're pretending to be asleep.
Presently the door of the room we were in swung open, and a Rocket came in. I touched on Michael’s mind briefly to check he was still awake. No worries there.
“Still out,” grunted the Rocket, checking Michael. He unlocked the cage door and lifted him out. I found myself grinning.
{This guy needs a lesson in observation.}
I don’t know what the person holding Michael was expecting as he turned to the door. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a boot in a VERY personal place.
Which, would you believe it, was exactly what he got.
With a yelp of pain, the TR member dropped Michael and doubled over. By some lucky fluke, he landed on all fours.
I think 'he' refers to Michael here, although I've completely failed to convey that. Again, I struggle with writing any sort of action.
Leaping up, Michael dispatched the Rocket with a swift kick to the head. He slumped to the floor, unconscious.
Michael bent down to acquire the set of keys on the guy’s belt, and I realised he was shaking. “Michael? What’s wrong?”
“I’m not used to this,” he whispered, trying different keys in my cage lock. “I’ve always used Pokemon to fight - not the Old World methods.”
The Old World? Earth, of course.
wait what wait WHAT
YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THAT IN CASUALLY
WHERE DOES EARTH FIT INTO THE PAST OF THE POKÉMON WORLD
(unrelatedly, I like Michael freaking out and shaking after physically attacking someone)
“But the Old World’s only in stories. It doesn’t exist. Can you imagine a world without Pokemon?”
This is just making me think of the bizarre sequence in Pokémon: I Choose You!, the 2017 film, where Ash dreams he's on Earth and, later on, we get the line, 'You forgot that Pokémon existed? That must have been the worst dream ever!'
Alas, we're doomed to live in this cruel Pokémonless world.
“No,” he admitted. “But you never know - ah, there we are.” The key turned with a click, and the door swung open. I stepped out, wincing - my Mewtwo legs had cramped up. I stretched, and a thought hit me.
“Michael? What about the others?”
“We won’t have time to free them. We need to get out fast.”
I nodded. He was sensible. “Just free Kyle.”
Wow, I didn't remember these two being so ruthless!
“Kyle?”
“He’s the only other one in here right now - a friend of mine. There was a massive breakout a couple of weeks ago - some idiot forgot to tranquillise a girl he brought in and ended up paralysed.”
Wait a second, you just asked 'what about the others?' and then ruthlessly agreed not to help them; you can't now say that Kyle's the only one imprisoned here at the moment!
Glad to see a shred of continuity in the reference to Monica breaking out the other anthros, though.
Michael grinned. “Cool. So, where’s Kyle?”
“Over there.” I pointed. “He’s the Aerodactyl morph. Use the same key for my cage - those twits in TR use one key per cage room.”
Kyle is another reader-submitted character. In fact, I can pinpoint the person who submitted him, because I was just looking through the reviews and came across one that said 'Cool story. Would you mind adding my character, that Aerodactyl morph?': it's fanfiction.net user Kyman102! (I took the fic down eventually, but I did preserve the reviews.)
He nodded and headed over to Kyle’s cage, getting it open in a couple of seconds. Kyle stumbled out, still unsteady on his Aerodactyl legs. He spread his wings, balancing with his tail, and grinned. “Hiya, Cassie. Let’s get outta here!”
--Ten minutes later:--
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS HAVE A SCENE BREAK
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY 'TEN MINUTES LATER'
YOU'VE USED NORMAL SCENE BREAKS BEFORE, I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND THEIR PURPOSE
“Have they stopped following us yet?” gasped Michael, worn out from running.
Kyle spun in the air, looking back. “Think so.”
“Thank Lugia,” Michael panted, collapsing on the grass.
“This is your fault!” I snapped, glaring at Kyle. “If you hadn’t knocked that cage off with your wing, this wouldn’t have happened!”
“If I hadn’t suggested letting the Pokemon out, Michael wouldn’t have Light, Keeper and Kindness with him!”
Light and Keeper are a Sneasel and Cubone respectively, as mentioned below. I don't mention Kindness's species for another two chapters, so I'll relieve the suspense right now: it's a Pichu.
“Well, you’re right there,” I admitted. “Come on, it’s cold and windy and we need a place to rest. Where’s the nearest Pokemon center?”
“That would be the one near Mount Moon,” said Keeper (Michael’s Cubone) thoughtfully. “The quickest way would be to hug the cliffline.”
'Keeper (Michael's Cubone)'. I'm very good at subtly slipping information into the narration.
I smiled. “Let’s go.”
We headed along the cliffline, and after about five minutes saw a group of people walking along a little way ahead of us.
“Great!” said Michael’s Sneasel, sitting on his shoulder. “Maybe we can get food from them. I’m SO hungry...”
“Shut up, Light,” I muttered, ‘touching on’ the mind of a boy with his Charmander. “They’re a group of trainers. Headed for Mount Moon, like us. The guy over there’s called JB.” I watched as the boy fell back, talking to his Charmander. Presently the Pokemon ran on ahead, while the boy played with his shoelaces. When the Charmander had gone, the boy - JB - stood and walked to the cliff. I touched on his mind again, and felt the bottom drop out of my stomach.
“He’s going to jump.”
--Rachel’s View--
We had reached the Mount Moon Pokecenter, and were waiting for JB. He had been gone for a while, and we were getting worried. Even Leena seemed subdued.
“Where IS he?” exploded Jed, finally.
“Do you mean JB?” asked a voice. I turned and saw a girl - with the lower half of a Mewtwo. With her were a normal boy with a Sneasel on his shoulder, and a morph of - what was it called again? - Aerodactyl. Leena and I were only slightly startled, as we’d seen it all before. However, the others were slightly more afraid.
I would contest 'seen it all before'. You've seen a half-Pidgeot boy, yes, but I still think I'd be more than slightly startled in this situation.
Even if seeing one Pokémorph was enough to make the others seem like old news, I'd question the presence of a) someone who's been spliced with the ONE MEWTWO IN THE WORLD and b) someone who's been spliced with an Aerodactyl, which I'm pretty sure is extinct.
“What the-“
“Who are they-“
I'm irrationally bothered by the backwards closing quotation marks here.
“What HAPPENED to them?!”
“Guys, shut up!” snapped Leena. “They’re friendly!”
How can you be sure?
“We don’t know that,” I murmured to her.
Glad to know Rachel and I are on the same page.
“Well, they seem to know JB...” Leena turned to the newcomers. “Do you know what happened to him?”
There was a long pause. I got the impression that the Mewtwo morph was struggling with some incredibly painful news. Finally she said, in a soft voice,
“He found out what it was like to fly.”
PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME OF HOW FLAGRANTLY I RIPPED OFF SOMEONE ELSE'S FIC
ALSO: TERRIBLE WAY OF BREAKING BAD NEWS
--Cassie’s View--
“He found out what it was like to fly.”
The girl stared at me with pain-filled eyes. Finally she said, in a choked voice, “What do you mean?”
She knew what I meant. Of course she knew. She was only asking in a plea for me to deny it.
I spoke, hearing my voice strangely. As if I was someone else. “JB jumped off the cliff. I tried to stop him, but...” I was going to cry soon. Why did I have to be the one to tell them?
I don't have the heart to make fun of this. It's so earnestly written.
--Rachel’s View--
I struggled for words. JB? Dead? It wasn’t possible! “So... we’ll never see him again?
“She said I jumped off the cliff. She never said you wouldn’t see me again,” said a familiar voice. I turned around, seeing the figure through tear-blurred eyes.
JB?
Surprise!
“You’re alive?”
“I don’t suppose the impact was enough to kill me. Hurt like hell, though.”
I stared. Then I rushed at him, to hug him, to convince myself that he was still alive.
My arms passed straight through him. And you could have heard a pin drop in the Pokecenter.
GASP
If I was going to murder anyone in Rachel's party, of course it was going to be JB. He's reader-submitted; he's the only one in the group who isn't a thinly veiled real-life friend or family member.
I think by this point I'd stopped posting the fic to the forum where JB was originally submitted, so I didn't have to worry about how his creator would react!
In the next instalment of Old Fanfiction Book Club: drama! emotions! Sparky's tragic backstory! suddenly I remember this is a Pokémon story and make someone catch a Pokémon!
This is because we're about to hit the point where thirteen-year-old me cheerfully mishandles a serious topic that adult me has very strong feelings about, and I'm not sure whether I'll be able to annotate without getting too personal.
Still, I've just reread
zarla's Howl of a Growlithe, the fic that originally inspired twelve-year-old Riona to start writing this twenty years ago, and it's put me in a nostalgic mood. I've found myself thinking fondly back to Old Fanfiction Book Club. I had fun annotating this! I'm going to try to start it up again.
Just... be aware that this section of the fic is going to attempt to tackle a sensitive subject, and it's going to do it badly.
Fuller details, if anyone wants them in advance (highlight to read, just in case anyone's concerned about spoilers for Rachel's Pokémon Journey): there's an apparent suicide that later turns out to be murder.
Previously on Old Fanfiction Book Club: Rachel defeats Brock and meets a mysterious girl named Leena, who gives her a Dratini that apparently demanded to be brought to Rachel specifically. How this Dratini knows who Rachel is, or why it wanted her to own it, is never explained.
Original author's note on chapter sixteen: Yes, the reviewer chars are coming... starting in this chapter, actually. And the storyline is gonna get darker. Much darker.
I wrote the first fifteen chapters before I started posting them to fanfiction.net, so this is the first chapter I posted as soon as I wrote it, meaning I can pinpoint when it was written! Both of these chapters were written and posted in May 2002, so it's been some time since October 2000, when I first started writing this fic. I'm thirteen and cool now and that means I'm going to make things dark >:(
(Michael’s View)
who the fuck is Michael
The world slowly blurred back into focus. I looked around, wincing - my neck was REALLY stiff. A cage of some sort. The blurred bars slowly focused as my head cleared.
A lot of people seem to end up in cages in this fic.
I quickly checked for my cameras. They were both intact.
Michael's a photographer, I guess? Definitely a character submitted by a reader on fanfiction.net. I wish I'd preserved the character submission forms readers had sent in when I switched to a less embarrassing e-mail address. (My address at the time, as a reminder, was mewofdarkness@hotmail.com)
I heaved a sigh of relief, and turned my mind to the more immediate problem.
“How did I get here?”
“You’re conscious?”
The sound of another person’s voice startled me, and I spun, trying to locate the source. There in the cage next to me was... a girl. Not a normal girl. Not at all.
She was holding the bars with her hands, looking in at me, a hint of concern in her green eyes. Her hair was reddish-brown, reaching almost to her waist. Her tail was long, thick, powerful and purple.
Her tail.
Again, very Animorphs-style writing here.
I don't think kid me intended the description of the tail to sound sexual, but it does sound a little bit sexual.
I was looking at a girl whose lower body - waist downwards - was covered in short grey fur. The sight was an incredible shock, and I began stuttering. “Y-y-what happened to you?”
I love that I feel I explicitly have to say it's surprising to see someone who's half-Pokémon.
This girl is another reader-submitted character: a girl who was spliced with Mewtwo. I felt kind of awkward about including a Mewtwo hybrid - there's only one Mewtwo in the Pokémon world, and it's extremely powerful! It seemed unlikely that Team Rocket would either choose to perform this experiment on it or have the opportunity to! - but I would have felt more awkward about rejecting the character submission.
“Oh…” She rubbed her tail unhappily, and I got the impression that this was a touchy subject for her. “They made me into an anthro - a Pokemorph. They’ll do it to you as well, if you don’t get out of here.”
Editing the day after posting to say I've only just noticed that I don't put the accent on Pokémon, Pokémorph or Pokécenter in these two chapters. I have no idea why not. The chapters before and after all have the accent; I always took pride in including it! But somehow it's missing in these two.
“How am I meant to get out?” I asked. Despite the situation, I was feeling oddly calm.
“Well, you managed to regain consciousness before they came for you...” She smiled suddenly, her eyes sparkling. “I have an idea.”
(JB’s view)
“You started it!” Scratchy snarled at Stardreamer.
“Did not!”
“Did too!”
“Shut up, both of you, or I’ll sic Sparky on you!” Secret snapped. We were walking along some cliffs by the sea on a shortcut to Mount Moon when a fight had broken out between the two Meowth. Now both of them were decorated with vicious scratches, and Stardreamer had part of his charm missing. Rachel was concerned, but it turned out Meowth charms regenerated.
This... might be canon? Meowth of Team Rocket does lose his charm at one point in the anime; I can't remember whether he finds it again or it grows back. Pretty sure I was just making things up for convenience's sake, though; if Meowth charms actually do regenerate, it's a coincidence.
Want to know why the Meowth were fighting? TOO BAD.
Fred and his Zubat Skreeal were wandering along, snickering about some secret they had. Sparky was riding on Danielle’s shoulder, and Bulba on the other. We had all agreed that this was best for Bulba, as Sparky wouldn’t ever risk shocking Danielle. He may act like a heartless bully, but Sparky adores his trainer.
Possibly I was starting to worry that I'd made Sparky too shallow.
Leena’s Marril ran ahead, scouting out the area. Leena was the latest addition to our team - a weird girl, completely hyper. She was bounding along, giggling for absolutely no reason. She never seemed to feel cold, even though it was freezing and the vicious wind was whipping the waves up into a frenzy.
I looked over at the cliff edge. And suddenly I felt an odd presence, a mind other than my own.
(Blaze’s view)
My trainer suddenly froze. I looked over at him. “What’s wrong?”
He looked down at me and grinned - that infectious grin he had! “Just a stone in my shoe. You go on ahead, I’ll take it out.”
I stared at him suspiciously, but shrugged and carried on. Now, when I look back, I can’t tell you how much I wish I had stayed.
(JB’s view)
Free writing tip: don't suddenly break up the narration with '[CHARACTER]'S VIEW' when you're trying to be dramatic.
I crouched, fiddling with my shoelaces until I was sure Blaze was out of sight. Then I straightened and walked to the cliff edge.
{What it’s like to fly...}
The wind whipped my hair back, saltwater stinging my face. I gazed down at the raging waters. Took a step closer to the edge.
{I want to know what it’s like to fly...}
The phrase 'what it's like to fly' is one hundred percent stolen from fanfiction.net user yaoiFantasy's Final Fantasy VIII fic What It's Like to Fly, in which Zell dies by suicide. I was evidently struck by it as a kid (I doubt I'd have tossed JB off a cliff for no reason if I hadn't read it), but I can no longer read it because I find it too distressing, particularly as the author says it's an outlet for personal feelings. I've consciously chosen not to include the link here.
Because, before I die - I'd like to know what it feels like to fly, Zell thinks in the fic I'm ripping off. Plus, of course, the phrase is in the fic's title. I'm not the most subtle of thieves. As a member of Team Rocket, I'd very much be on Jessie and James's level.
Original author's note at the end of chapter sixteen: Poor JB... *sniff* I wasn’t planning for this to happen, but the story has begun to write itself...
By 'the story has begun to write itself', I meant 'I've been reading a lot of melodramatic angstfic and I've decided that obviously that's exactly what my story needs'.
Original author's note for chapter seventeen: *grins* Another chapter for you people!
--Cassandra’s View--
You haven't actually mentioned that Cassandra is the Mewtwo hybrid, Riona. '--Cassandra's View--' is no help at all if nobody knows who Cassandra is.
I lay in the cage, pretending to be asleep. In the cage next to me lay Michael, seemingly unconscious. I must admit, he’s a great actor.
Famously the true test of acting skills, pretending to be unconscious.
‘If this plan doesn’t work, nothing will,’ I whispered.
It's possible Cassandra is just impressed by Michael's acting skills because hers are so bad in comparison. She's whispering unnecessarily, and, given that she's able to see what's happening around her, I'm pretty sure she has her eyes open. Neither of these are great things to do when you're pretending to be asleep.
Presently the door of the room we were in swung open, and a Rocket came in. I touched on Michael’s mind briefly to check he was still awake. No worries there.
“Still out,” grunted the Rocket, checking Michael. He unlocked the cage door and lifted him out. I found myself grinning.
{This guy needs a lesson in observation.}
I don’t know what the person holding Michael was expecting as he turned to the door. But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a boot in a VERY personal place.
Which, would you believe it, was exactly what he got.
With a yelp of pain, the TR member dropped Michael and doubled over. By some lucky fluke, he landed on all fours.
I think 'he' refers to Michael here, although I've completely failed to convey that. Again, I struggle with writing any sort of action.
Leaping up, Michael dispatched the Rocket with a swift kick to the head. He slumped to the floor, unconscious.
Michael bent down to acquire the set of keys on the guy’s belt, and I realised he was shaking. “Michael? What’s wrong?”
“I’m not used to this,” he whispered, trying different keys in my cage lock. “I’ve always used Pokemon to fight - not the Old World methods.”
The Old World? Earth, of course.
wait what wait WHAT
YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THAT IN CASUALLY
WHERE DOES EARTH FIT INTO THE PAST OF THE POKÉMON WORLD
(unrelatedly, I like Michael freaking out and shaking after physically attacking someone)
“But the Old World’s only in stories. It doesn’t exist. Can you imagine a world without Pokemon?”
This is just making me think of the bizarre sequence in Pokémon: I Choose You!, the 2017 film, where Ash dreams he's on Earth and, later on, we get the line, 'You forgot that Pokémon existed? That must have been the worst dream ever!'
Alas, we're doomed to live in this cruel Pokémonless world.
“No,” he admitted. “But you never know - ah, there we are.” The key turned with a click, and the door swung open. I stepped out, wincing - my Mewtwo legs had cramped up. I stretched, and a thought hit me.
“Michael? What about the others?”
“We won’t have time to free them. We need to get out fast.”
I nodded. He was sensible. “Just free Kyle.”
Wow, I didn't remember these two being so ruthless!
“Kyle?”
“He’s the only other one in here right now - a friend of mine. There was a massive breakout a couple of weeks ago - some idiot forgot to tranquillise a girl he brought in and ended up paralysed.”
Wait a second, you just asked 'what about the others?' and then ruthlessly agreed not to help them; you can't now say that Kyle's the only one imprisoned here at the moment!
Glad to see a shred of continuity in the reference to Monica breaking out the other anthros, though.
Michael grinned. “Cool. So, where’s Kyle?”
“Over there.” I pointed. “He’s the Aerodactyl morph. Use the same key for my cage - those twits in TR use one key per cage room.”
Kyle is another reader-submitted character. In fact, I can pinpoint the person who submitted him, because I was just looking through the reviews and came across one that said 'Cool story. Would you mind adding my character, that Aerodactyl morph?': it's fanfiction.net user Kyman102! (I took the fic down eventually, but I did preserve the reviews.)
He nodded and headed over to Kyle’s cage, getting it open in a couple of seconds. Kyle stumbled out, still unsteady on his Aerodactyl legs. He spread his wings, balancing with his tail, and grinned. “Hiya, Cassie. Let’s get outta here!”
--Ten minutes later:--
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS HAVE A SCENE BREAK
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY 'TEN MINUTES LATER'
YOU'VE USED NORMAL SCENE BREAKS BEFORE, I KNOW YOU UNDERSTAND THEIR PURPOSE
“Have they stopped following us yet?” gasped Michael, worn out from running.
Kyle spun in the air, looking back. “Think so.”
“Thank Lugia,” Michael panted, collapsing on the grass.
“This is your fault!” I snapped, glaring at Kyle. “If you hadn’t knocked that cage off with your wing, this wouldn’t have happened!”
“If I hadn’t suggested letting the Pokemon out, Michael wouldn’t have Light, Keeper and Kindness with him!”
Light and Keeper are a Sneasel and Cubone respectively, as mentioned below. I don't mention Kindness's species for another two chapters, so I'll relieve the suspense right now: it's a Pichu.
“Well, you’re right there,” I admitted. “Come on, it’s cold and windy and we need a place to rest. Where’s the nearest Pokemon center?”
“That would be the one near Mount Moon,” said Keeper (Michael’s Cubone) thoughtfully. “The quickest way would be to hug the cliffline.”
'Keeper (Michael's Cubone)'. I'm very good at subtly slipping information into the narration.
I smiled. “Let’s go.”
We headed along the cliffline, and after about five minutes saw a group of people walking along a little way ahead of us.
“Great!” said Michael’s Sneasel, sitting on his shoulder. “Maybe we can get food from them. I’m SO hungry...”
“Shut up, Light,” I muttered, ‘touching on’ the mind of a boy with his Charmander. “They’re a group of trainers. Headed for Mount Moon, like us. The guy over there’s called JB.” I watched as the boy fell back, talking to his Charmander. Presently the Pokemon ran on ahead, while the boy played with his shoelaces. When the Charmander had gone, the boy - JB - stood and walked to the cliff. I touched on his mind again, and felt the bottom drop out of my stomach.
“He’s going to jump.”
--Rachel’s View--
We had reached the Mount Moon Pokecenter, and were waiting for JB. He had been gone for a while, and we were getting worried. Even Leena seemed subdued.
“Where IS he?” exploded Jed, finally.
“Do you mean JB?” asked a voice. I turned and saw a girl - with the lower half of a Mewtwo. With her were a normal boy with a Sneasel on his shoulder, and a morph of - what was it called again? - Aerodactyl. Leena and I were only slightly startled, as we’d seen it all before. However, the others were slightly more afraid.
I would contest 'seen it all before'. You've seen a half-Pidgeot boy, yes, but I still think I'd be more than slightly startled in this situation.
Even if seeing one Pokémorph was enough to make the others seem like old news, I'd question the presence of a) someone who's been spliced with the ONE MEWTWO IN THE WORLD and b) someone who's been spliced with an Aerodactyl, which I'm pretty sure is extinct.
“What the-“
“Who are they-“
I'm irrationally bothered by the backwards closing quotation marks here.
“What HAPPENED to them?!”
“Guys, shut up!” snapped Leena. “They’re friendly!”
How can you be sure?
“We don’t know that,” I murmured to her.
Glad to know Rachel and I are on the same page.
“Well, they seem to know JB...” Leena turned to the newcomers. “Do you know what happened to him?”
There was a long pause. I got the impression that the Mewtwo morph was struggling with some incredibly painful news. Finally she said, in a soft voice,
“He found out what it was like to fly.”
PLEASE STOP REMINDING ME OF HOW FLAGRANTLY I RIPPED OFF SOMEONE ELSE'S FIC
ALSO: TERRIBLE WAY OF BREAKING BAD NEWS
--Cassie’s View--
“He found out what it was like to fly.”
The girl stared at me with pain-filled eyes. Finally she said, in a choked voice, “What do you mean?”
She knew what I meant. Of course she knew. She was only asking in a plea for me to deny it.
I spoke, hearing my voice strangely. As if I was someone else. “JB jumped off the cliff. I tried to stop him, but...” I was going to cry soon. Why did I have to be the one to tell them?
I don't have the heart to make fun of this. It's so earnestly written.
--Rachel’s View--
I struggled for words. JB? Dead? It wasn’t possible! “So... we’ll never see him again?
“She said I jumped off the cliff. She never said you wouldn’t see me again,” said a familiar voice. I turned around, seeing the figure through tear-blurred eyes.
JB?
Surprise!
“You’re alive?”
“I don’t suppose the impact was enough to kill me. Hurt like hell, though.”
I stared. Then I rushed at him, to hug him, to convince myself that he was still alive.
My arms passed straight through him. And you could have heard a pin drop in the Pokecenter.
GASP
If I was going to murder anyone in Rachel's party, of course it was going to be JB. He's reader-submitted; he's the only one in the group who isn't a thinly veiled real-life friend or family member.
I think by this point I'd stopped posting the fic to the forum where JB was originally submitted, so I didn't have to worry about how his creator would react!
In the next instalment of Old Fanfiction Book Club: drama! emotions! Sparky's tragic backstory! suddenly I remember this is a Pokémon story and make someone catch a Pokémon!