Three Musketeers would have been a nice addition to last night
Survived the party with minimal scrapes and bruises--only warned one person that I was going to punch them in the face (out loud)--and there was a surprising lack of shrieking/screaming/tears/drama. Mostly.
It's kind of. Too exhausting to even fucking think about. So I'll just say "Thank God for Apples to Apples," and leave it at that for now, okay? Sorry bbs.
So let's talk about Three Musketeers.
ORLANDO. FUCKING. BLOOM. How can I express how utterly perfect and glorious it was to see Orli (my preteen crush is showing) playing ANYTHING OTHER THAN A LEADING MAN, FUCK YES. He had so much fun playing a bad guy, you can just tell he had so much fun, and that's really good for me, I'm so glad he's happy. ♥_______________♥
The movie itself--okay, I'm going to tell you right now that you should see this movie, but do not see this movie expecting anything good from it plotwise, okay, it's essentially 2 hours of clothes porn. Which. Alright, I would not necessarily say that period clothing is one of my kinks, but guys, GUYS, this just. Ffffffffuuuuck, okay, I tuned out a lot of the dialogue and just imagined--undressing people, or touching them through their clothes, or having other characters touch each other through their clothes, because jesus. christ. And also hot damn.
For example: The KING, Ohhhhhh god, the king. I was really worried they'd turn this boy into a flamboyant stereotype, but UGH, GUYS, HE REALLY LOVES THE QUEEN, he's such an adorable goof around her, AND HE STILL LIKES FANTABULOUS CLOTHES. I want to bite his thighs, which I think you'll understand once you see them in his blue lacey tights. Hnnngh.
I also want D'artagnan to climb into Athos's lap and just grind down, because Athos is all sad bitter kitten in the rain and D'artagnan is a cocky brat who thinks he's the solution to every single problem in the universe, and I want Athos to say, "You had your eyes on that pretty little Constance, earlier, what's changed?" even as his hands fit to D'artagnan's leather-clad hips and the boy will say, with all his country wisdom, "Women, you want with your head. Men, you want with something much lower," as he rocks down on the hardening ridge of Athos's cock, because he's beautiful and naive and doesn't know fuck all, and then later there's a totally consentual gangbang where Aramis holds the boy down while he squirms and writhes at the scrape of Porthos's mustache against the tender, untouched skin around his hole as Porthos eats him out.
lsakdf sorry, sorry, hoo, well, this is a porn blog, hope that wasn't too much for you. I had two hours of fight scenes loosely tied together with trite dialogue to think about these things, and I might honest to god go see this movie again just to pay even less attention to the plot.
Hot. Damn.
OH P.S.Hand to God, Orlando's character is gay for Athos, at one point he says (I quote), "Last time I saw you, you were on your knees just like you are now," and later when Milady is chewing on his ear she says something like, "You want me, and Athos," and Orlando's eyes literally roll up into his head. YEAH.
It's kind of. Too exhausting to even fucking think about. So I'll just say "Thank God for Apples to Apples," and leave it at that for now, okay? Sorry bbs.
So let's talk about Three Musketeers.
ORLANDO. FUCKING. BLOOM. How can I express how utterly perfect and glorious it was to see Orli (my preteen crush is showing) playing ANYTHING OTHER THAN A LEADING MAN, FUCK YES. He had so much fun playing a bad guy, you can just tell he had so much fun, and that's really good for me, I'm so glad he's happy. ♥_______________♥
The movie itself--okay, I'm going to tell you right now that you should see this movie, but do not see this movie expecting anything good from it plotwise, okay, it's essentially 2 hours of clothes porn. Which. Alright, I would not necessarily say that period clothing is one of my kinks, but guys, GUYS, this just. Ffffffffuuuuck, okay, I tuned out a lot of the dialogue and just imagined--undressing people, or touching them through their clothes, or having other characters touch each other through their clothes, because jesus. christ. And also hot damn.
For example: The KING, Ohhhhhh god, the king. I was really worried they'd turn this boy into a flamboyant stereotype, but UGH, GUYS, HE REALLY LOVES THE QUEEN, he's such an adorable goof around her, AND HE STILL LIKES FANTABULOUS CLOTHES. I want to bite his thighs, which I think you'll understand once you see them in his blue lacey tights. Hnnngh.
I also want D'artagnan to climb into Athos's lap and just grind down, because Athos is all sad bitter kitten in the rain and D'artagnan is a cocky brat who thinks he's the solution to every single problem in the universe, and I want Athos to say, "You had your eyes on that pretty little Constance, earlier, what's changed?" even as his hands fit to D'artagnan's leather-clad hips and the boy will say, with all his country wisdom, "Women, you want with your head. Men, you want with something much lower," as he rocks down on the hardening ridge of Athos's cock, because he's beautiful and naive and doesn't know fuck all, and then later there's a totally consentual gangbang where Aramis holds the boy down while he squirms and writhes at the scrape of Porthos's mustache against the tender, untouched skin around his hole as Porthos eats him out.
lsakdf sorry, sorry, hoo, well, this is a porn blog, hope that wasn't too much for you. I had two hours of fight scenes loosely tied together with trite dialogue to think about these things, and I might honest to god go see this movie again just to pay even less attention to the plot.
Hot. Damn.
OH P.S.Hand to God, Orlando's character is gay for Athos, at one point he says (I quote), "Last time I saw you, you were on your knees just like you are now," and later when Milady is chewing on his ear she says something like, "You want me, and Athos," and Orlando's eyes literally roll up into his head. YEAH.