It was a year ago tonight that my mother died.

I look at those words hanging in cyberspace, and ask myself if it is possible to even wrap my mind around such a thing.  And at the same time, I *see* that it is such a simple thing that no understanding is possible, and perhaps not even desirable.  Death simply is.

So as I sit here at my desk in the ( Read more... )

I remarked to Wendy yesterday that there are no manuals for how to deal with the aftermath of a close relative's death.  While it isn't  my intent to be "irreverent" (whatever that actually means), I have found that sifting through the rubble of my mother's life has been more of a trial than I might have thought it ever could be.  As I am an only ( Read more... )

Finally arrived at our destination late last night - spent most of the day today going through the house & essentially filling trash bags.  Found myself thinking throughout the day of the odd "futility" of life, yet the strange irony as well.  Not so long ago, my mother was a living, breathing entity, in love with this little house in Central ( Read more... )

After over half a century on this planet, I have come to the conclusion that the human body is a dichotomy - alternately a pleasure to experience and a pain in the ass.  As a result of the diabetes diagnosis almost a year ago, I am "required" to have somewhat regular follow-ups with the doctor.  Perhaps this would be simpler if he were not so ( Read more... )

Part I - The body

Since opening the store and having more direct one-on-one contact with people on a variety of spiritual paths, the one issue that comes up repeatedly is that of healing - both on a physical and a spiritual level.  What has become very apparent to me is that there may be a lot of misconceptions about not only who we are, but what we ( Read more... )

In Memorium - Ruby Hawks
July 19, 1920 - October 4, 2006

My relationship with Ruby Hawks began long before I was born, for she was my mother, after all, and so my first experience of the world was that of being sheltered and nurtured inside her body.  As a child growing up in Land o’Lakes, my earliest memories of Ruby are of watching her in the ( Read more... )

Just before going to bed last night, the little voice of gnosis said, "Leave your cell phone in the living room."

Because of my mother's terminal illness, I had been keeping the phone next to the bed for months, so when that little voice whispered its instruction, a strange sense of destiny came over me and a weight I had not realized I'd been ( Read more... )

Even though we are now back home and working toward getting the store fully up & running, I'm finding that this Florida "journey" simply will not leave me alone, and so I am forced to really stop and look at it long and hard in an attempt to figure out what (if anything) might be done to simply shake loose the tendrils of CR madness which have ( Read more... )

Sleep eludes me.

From a warrior's perspective of detachment and the sharp awareness that this journey to Florida is an exercise in folly, I think of how my mother appeared when we saw her yesterday morning.  Just a tiny, frail creature with so much love and hope in her eyes.  Her nurses tell me secretly that they do not know where her strength ( Read more... )

In a few minutes, we leave for Florida - a journey I have resisted for months, but which now becomes inevitable despite the gravity of my own Intent in other directions.  Sure, I could plant my heels and refuse to go, but for reasons I cannot explain, that does not seem to be what I am guided to do either.  So I am wondering what - if anything - ( Read more... )