Sometimes, I like to pretend that that I am a pterodactyl, and my classmates are my reptilian prey. Do Pterodactyls screach, or do the have more of a “caw, caw” sort of noise? I prefer screaching, as that frightens my prey scurrying to whatever refuge they can take before my tiny little claws grab hold to their fur coats and carry them back to my ( Read more... )

Why are cats so useless? No matter how hard you beat them, they never do anything for you. Little bags of meat that scurry around, eating smaller meatbags, and pooping. Always pooping. Their vomit smudges well onto my feet, maybe I should stop strangling them. Kicking was always more fun. There is more than one way to tie the mustache, if you ( Read more... )

Occasionally, I am reminded of the time I prepared ice cream in a bowl to give to my father at dinner. Expecting him to appear satisfied with the offer, I handed him the bowl, but the only look I got was fierce animosity. "You just wanted to give this to me, so I would say no, and you could have it for yourself, didn't you?" he accused of me. And ( Read more... )

I'm not really sure why, but around dinner time, I got the urge to draw. It was pretty sad, I couldn't really draw any fine lines or shade in any particular way that made sense. I gave up, remembering that drawing used to be my thing while I was in middle school, and some people used to ask me for them. Had I really lost something, or was it just ( Read more... )

As we walked down the isle, he rotated his head towards me with a moonish grin and said, "So how do ya want your hair, bud? You like it long like that that? No? Okay, how 'bout short but not to short? Okay..." I'm sure he was unaware that his initially chattery demeanor was only reinforcing one of the fears I have about getting my hair cut. I just ( Read more... )

I wonder how often friendships end in sudden, decisive moments when a party just decides that the other is unfit for the role? By the definition of a friend (or at least, my definition), such a thing could never happen. I think it ended two months ago; that was the last time I talked to her. I used to be so strict about it too, I must have gotten ( Read more... )

I often catch myself narrating my life as it unfolds in front of me; dictating it in comprehensible phrases as if I have a studio or movie audience absorbing each thought. I hope it's not uncommon. Does it serve to

I think I finally know how to describe that washingtonian hardness. It's a sort of stated casualness: casual in reaction and posture. Nothing is significant once it has happened before. It requires a lethargic efficiency that is defined as not fumbling through your wallet for change in front of the cashier at starbucks, knowing where to look (never ( Read more... )

Ah man... I can't sleep, I'm so goddamn excited! I can't wait, either. Do I take the plunge?