(no subject)
I wonder how often friendships end in sudden, decisive moments when a party just decides that the other is unfit for the role? By the definition of a friend (or at least, my definition), such a thing could never happen. I think it ended two months ago; that was the last time I talked to her. I used to be so strict about it too, I must have gotten lazy and let my guard down. Assuming we were friends from the beginning, without really knowing how our personalities actually meshed. But is it over because I was lazy before, or lazy now, as I don't even want to put any more effort into making it work. I've tried being myself, but there are so many parts of me she can't seem to accept, or annoy her into a bad mood. I tried being the person she wanted me to be, and that worked for a while, but I eventually relaxed and oozed out of the bars caging me in. I shouldn't have to do that around a friend anyway, that sort of defeats the purpose of being with a friend. Did I try everything, though? I'd hate to think that I take friendships so lightly and would cast it away when things started to get tough. Laziness? I've been doing it with other people too, the ones who call just to "update" me about themselves or to get an opinion on an essay or something, just to get "tired" when I decided I wanted to share something. Faking interest is no longer one of my hobbies. I used to be so good at that too. Before, I evaluated myself as a friend based on how useful I was, not the value I had as a person. I guess I still so that at times, so I don't want to turn that onto other people.