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I'm sure you've all tried it at some point.
I think it was yesterday when Mom told me that this time when she gave Benji a bath, she used laundry bleach to "make he more apricot." He's not orange, blue, bald, lime green or any other weird color, so I'm hoping that's an indication she didn't leave it in very long. That, or maybe she mistook one of the copious jars of sauerkraut for a jug of ( Read more... ) -
A Report From Brother
*brother walks upstairs*
Mama: I got eeeeverytin' I need to make lasagna.
Mama: I got noodoos and meat and cotta' cheese...
Clay: You need ricotta cheese mom, not cottage cheese.
Mama: I say I got 'cotta cheese!
Clay: Ricotta cheese!
Mama: 'Cotta cheese!
Clay: Ricotta cheese!
Mama: 'COTTA CHEESE!
*loop* -
Dinner At Any Cost
After the constant big dinners every night of fried chicken, clam chowder, pizza, tacos, egg rolls, etc., along with the blinding amount of candy Mom took up here and offered everyone to eat at every chance she got (after dinner, before dinner, between lunch and dinner, after lunch, before lunch, between breakfast and lunch, after breakfast, and ( Read more... ) -
Boy, dog.
*Benji dances around at Mom's feet, glancing at his food bowl constantly*
“Boy, dog, you know? Dey can't talk but Dey sure can...you know.”
“Yep,” Dad says, continuing to pull on his boots. “They seem to be able to let you know what they're thinking without having to say anything at all.” -
Less you die
Buddha ( Read more... ) -
Mama As A Foreign Language
My nieces are awesome because ( Read more... ) -
The Shiny
We're watching The Shining. (Or as Mom calls it, "The Shiny," a far better title.)
*Jack Nicholson acts crazy*
Mom: Go!
*Jack Nicholson acts crazy*
Mom: Knocka he onna head!
*Jack Nicholson acts crazy*
Mom: Go! Go 'way!
*Jack Nicholson acts crazy*
Mom: Go! Go, BITCH!
Me: ...What did you just say?
Mom: Well.EDIT ( Read more... ) -
From a Sex-Line Service near you.
If you're waiting to hear about my crazy Thanksgiving, I'm sorry, but you got it mixed up, it's actually Christmas when the real fun usually breaks loose. Besides, this Thanksgiving Mom didn't invite The Bins over, so there were less people for her to put on a show for. She did talk a lot about the evils of TREES, though, and while that's normal ( Read more... ) -
while you were gone
Pock ( Read more... )
