i haven't written in a while ive been so busy seriously i've had quite a few psych and hospital appointments i've met my new cpn and shes sooooo nice also i've been going to a day centre for mentally ill people called community network and also i've been going to mind alot and one of the things i've enjoyed soo much is spending time with my best ( Read more... )

god why am i so fucked up i had a really good day at the meet everyone was lovely i felt i got on with most of them yet i've come home and now i feel really depressed like i want to cut ( Read more... )

well i haven't updated today so i will now i feel shit i felt much better earlier on now i'm feeling bleh i feel all achy its horrible i want to cut and i have new blades so i know i won't be able to resist it *grrrrrrr* this is a pointless post because alll i'm going to do is moan ( Read more... )

ugh i'm sat here listen to darren hayes - unlovable yet again and its making me cry because it totally describes how i feel i feel unloved i just want someone to want me need me love me i was someone to hug me for no reason or when they see me and i just want someone to like me :'( am i that unloveable i guess i am ( Read more... )

well i had an appointment with my psychologist today it went well we talked about my childhood and it was quite hard we also talked about my ed well your probably thinking what ed well for years i had coe (compulsive over eating) but this slowly developed into bulimia ( Read more... )

i found this song which describes how i really feel ( Read more... )

people ask where i see myslef in the future. i honestly don't know how to answer i mean how do you tell someone you intent to die sometimes next year and its not even going to be a from natural causes. it will be a sinful death in the eyes of god. not that i believe in god ( Read more... )

well its been 2 days since i last slept and i'm still alive feel like shit i feel so tired and i have an appointment with ann today and i'm so not in the mood i feel uncoperative and not in the mood to talk i just want to curl up into a ball and sleep forever but yet i don't want to sleep i'm wierd i bought new blades yesturday haven't used them ( Read more... )

well its been officially 29 hours and 10 mins without sleep and counting i wonder how many days i can go without sleeping i'm sensing a period of sleep deprievation althou it feels like an appealing idea i know what will happen i'll become even crazier then i am. its not that i can't get to sleep my trouble is not being able to stay asleep and also ( Read more... )

here is a poem i wrote

i sit upon my bed at night
counting the hours till daylight
i hug myself and cry
i tell myself its all a lie

i drag the blade across my skin
hoping they won't tell my next of kin
blood pours down my arm
with it comes a sense of calm