Fear of pregnancy....and pregnant.
I've tried searching through the tags, but it seems it's all about the normal fears and worries that most women have.
I wouldn't quite say I'm tocophobic, but maybe it's because it never felt that dramatic to me when I wasn't expecting.
After being afraid of pregnancy/getting pregnant as long as I can remember, I now am in those shoes. The first trimester I was too sick to really do much of anything aside from sleep, and now that I'm knee deep in my second trimester it's really hit me hard.
Depressed, panicky, verge of tears at all hours. I want nothing more than to have my body back and to be out of this predicament but it's too late. I couldn't bring myself to abort at the start, so I definitely can't do a late term now even though it has crossed my mind more than I'd like to admit. Honestly, if I weren't so broke I likely would have already scheduled. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone I've confided in has just patted me on the head and gone, "Oh, it's just pregnancy hormones. Mood swings my dear!". It's worse than that. Even my family, who knows the details about how it all even happened, give me the same response.
To summarize my story quickly; I went on two dates with someone I wasn't all that interested in and on the second date he slipped me something, took advantage, and then tried to cover it all up. I took a Plan B, it failed. He tried to convince me into a marriage (he's not legal here) and I didn't go for it. He flipped out, police were called, restraining orders were filed.
Two months later, I met my lucky charm. Now current boyfriend had my back, knows about the baby and the details, but doesn't care. As far as he's concerned, he's there for me and the baby if it so goes that way (as in, marriage down the road). I should be happy. I have support all around.
I don't want to be pregnant. I'm not afraid of being a mom, nor of taking care of a child. I'm a nanny for goodness sake! So it's not a fear of the future, it's the now. When the baby kicks, I start crying. I barely make it through doctor visits and I'm usually worthless/bed ridden for a day or so after.
Is there anything I can do? A book? Someone to talk to? I'm out of options and nobody believes me anymore.
Instead of commenting to everyone individually, I just want to thank you all so much for the links and advice on who to call. I will be doing that all day and hopefully I can find someone in my budget that can help me past the last few months, perhaps even after if I so need it.
Again, thank you all so much for reading and the help you've given. It means a lot.
I wouldn't quite say I'm tocophobic, but maybe it's because it never felt that dramatic to me when I wasn't expecting.
After being afraid of pregnancy/getting pregnant as long as I can remember, I now am in those shoes. The first trimester I was too sick to really do much of anything aside from sleep, and now that I'm knee deep in my second trimester it's really hit me hard.
Depressed, panicky, verge of tears at all hours. I want nothing more than to have my body back and to be out of this predicament but it's too late. I couldn't bring myself to abort at the start, so I definitely can't do a late term now even though it has crossed my mind more than I'd like to admit. Honestly, if I weren't so broke I likely would have already scheduled. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone I've confided in has just patted me on the head and gone, "Oh, it's just pregnancy hormones. Mood swings my dear!". It's worse than that. Even my family, who knows the details about how it all even happened, give me the same response.
To summarize my story quickly; I went on two dates with someone I wasn't all that interested in and on the second date he slipped me something, took advantage, and then tried to cover it all up. I took a Plan B, it failed. He tried to convince me into a marriage (he's not legal here) and I didn't go for it. He flipped out, police were called, restraining orders were filed.
Two months later, I met my lucky charm. Now current boyfriend had my back, knows about the baby and the details, but doesn't care. As far as he's concerned, he's there for me and the baby if it so goes that way (as in, marriage down the road). I should be happy. I have support all around.
I don't want to be pregnant. I'm not afraid of being a mom, nor of taking care of a child. I'm a nanny for goodness sake! So it's not a fear of the future, it's the now. When the baby kicks, I start crying. I barely make it through doctor visits and I'm usually worthless/bed ridden for a day or so after.
Is there anything I can do? A book? Someone to talk to? I'm out of options and nobody believes me anymore.
Instead of commenting to everyone individually, I just want to thank you all so much for the links and advice on who to call. I will be doing that all day and hopefully I can find someone in my budget that can help me past the last few months, perhaps even after if I so need it.
Again, thank you all so much for reading and the help you've given. It means a lot.