Comments | pregnant: An Absloute Mess

lunagypsy in pregnant

An Absloute Mess

Apr 08, 2009 17:54

I have waited all day for my doctor's office to call with the newest set of quant level results. Finally, at nearly 5:30pm, they did, and it wasn't quite what I was hoping to hear. Really, it wasn't what I wanted to hear at all, as far as I am concerned ( Read more... )

fears and worries, hcg

Comments 15

aggktty April 8 2009, 22:34:28 UTC

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Don't believe the worst yet- See what happens at the doctor tomorrow.

I don't think I will ever forgive myself, and I think I will have too many misgivings to be someone to turn around and keep trying

It's not your fault at all, and anyone who tells you "It's ok, you can try again" is totally insensitive. If this turns out to be a miscarriage, cut the insensitive people out of your life and take some time to heal on your own terms.

lunagypsy April 9 2009, 13:17:37 UTC

I absolutely HATE people saying that whole "You can try again" thing, it is insensitive. Especially since we weren't trying this time! The only one who I may forgive for saying something like that is my mom, who had a miscarriage her first pregnancy because she fell hard on some ice, but then she turned around and happily had 3 kids. It's just super-hard on me right now, on top of the normal things one might feel in this situation, because A) my obgyn doubted I would get pregnant due to my pcos complications, and B) my little 21 yo sister is pregnant and due in June, so if I do mc then not only do I have to make it through her baby shower next month and the birth the following month, but I have to scratch all the happy ideas in my head about our kids being so close:(

aggktty April 9 2009, 18:47:36 UTC

My older sister had her second miscarriage right before i found out I was pregnant, and she has been struggling with my pregnancy ever since.

We talked about it at the time, and she told me that she just couldn't handle being around me yet. She did not come to my shower, and we've had limited contact. We still communicate, but we don't see each other in person anymore, ever since I got a belly.

Everyone else has an attitude of "she should just get over it", but she and I have an understanding. I miss her, but I respect that she needs time & space. It won't be like this forever, and I'm not going to rush her.

Talk to your sister about your feelings. Hopefully, she will be understanding if you need some time away.

jjgbabygirl April 8 2009, 22:34:34 UTC

I'm sorry for what you're going through, I hope you end up getting good news! I know it seems like if the worst happens it would be hard to keep trying but it's all worth it in the end. I lost 3 before my son & now I have 2 beautiful children & 2 on the way. anyway, I wish you the best

lunagypsy April 9 2009, 13:20:12 UTC

Thank you. I keep trying to hope for the best, but it is so hard...we weren't trying to conceive, I was on Yasmin, and we thought maybe this would be a little much-needed miracle, to have a surprise baby. I have not really come to terms with any ideas of "trying" after this one, of it doesn't work out, as our best friend's wife has pcos too, and she had 3 or 4 mc's before she finally had one "stick," and I just don't think I can put myself through this on purpose....

nakedfaery April 8 2009, 22:52:10 UTC

*hugs and positive thoughts*

I've miscarried recently and I pray with all my heart that you don't have to go through that too. Good luck mama!

lunagypsy April 9 2009, 13:20:47 UTC

Thank you so very much. I have fingers and toes crossed.

shylamb April 8 2009, 22:59:48 UTC

(((hugs)))

kastinkerbell April 8 2009, 23:16:21 UTC

Forgive yourself for what, dear? If you do miscarry this early on in the pregnancy, it is almost certainly for one reason: stupid dumb luck at conception. You see, when sperm meets egg, they do some information transfer. When the information transfer is complete, you've got all the instructions to build a healthy baby. If the information transfer isn't complete, then things go merrily along until, say, the information to build a liver is needed and it's not there. To protect your health (remember, pregnancy is hard on the body) and to give you the chance to try again, your body lets go of this pregnancy.

All of the stories about miscarriages because of sex/drinking/eating something/exercising/etc. are all just instances of horrible coincidence. It's a painful loss and you don't have to turn around and try again unless you want to. Just please don't blame yourself. It's nothing you did or didn't do.

I hope everything is ok.

alonwimonster April 9 2009, 00:20:57 UTC

All of this. I know how it feels to lose a pregnancy and blame yourself. I had a Corona 3 days before I m/c'd and was convinced it was all my fault. It isn't. It's not your fault either.
Doing something as a memorial to this pregnancy is extremely helpful. When we lost "bun" we planted a tree in her honor.
Here's hoping that this isn't the case at all.
Also, I'd call that asshat nurse and DEMAND the numbers. You have every right to know. Every right.

lunagypsy April 9 2009, 13:28:56 UTC

I don't worry that I have done anything "wrong," and I imagine that would be the reason most women would "blame themselves" for losing a baby. I was warned ahead of time that if I ever did conceive, it may not "stick," due to my medical condition(s). You see, I have PCOS, and also a one-inch fibroid in my uterus, on top of other things. I was on Yasmin, and my system is so messed up die to the uncontrollable PCOS, that I got pregnant without any notion that I would (my obgyn said it can happen, but I would more likely need help from Metformin just to conceive.) I'm 32, and my body has been causing me pain due to the PCOS since I was 14. When I called my drs office initially to repot I had just done a positive HPT, they set up various appointments and had me keep them on speed-dial because they said the PCOS and fibroid were a cause to believe I was a high-risk pregnancy, and that the fibroid could "get in the way" and kick the embryo out, so therefore, if that is what happens, I really have nothing else in me to believe but that it is ( ... )