Mostly good, one bad :-(

Jan 16, 2012 20:06

Today we said goodbye to Merlin.

It was not an easy decision to make and I pretty much left it up to D, though I fully support him on this.  Merlin's quality of life had only been compromised a little bit...during the day.  The nights, though, have been very difficult over the last week.  We've been hearing him walking (and banging into things) around the downstairs, have gone down and watched him stand up suddenly, completely disoriented.  D has been going downstairs almost every night when Merlin has gotten noisy and it's been just heartbreaking to watch.  We've been talking about it for weeks, and yet it was so surreal.  Anyway, D phoned the vet this morning and was told to bring Merlin in at 5.

We were in two minds about what to tell the kids.  One of M's birthday presents was a (secondhand, because it's out of print) copy of Jockey or Else, which my brother had (and I read) as a child.  At one point in the story, the vet discusses the possibility of having one of the horses put down because he's old, arthritic and not eating much anymore.  I had forgotten about that particular part of the book, so was a bit wary of reading it to B and M.  But I did, and they really enjoyed the book and weren't all that horrified about euthanizing sick pets.  Of course, they have no idea that we had our first cat, Phoebe, put down.  But I was open to the idea that we explain what was happening with Merlin and give them opportunity to say goodbye.

D thought differently.  Once he was back home he was ok with having them know that Merlin didn't die on his own.  But they didn't ask, so I let it go.  But he was sure that the idea that Merlin was being driven to the vet's for the purpose of dying was the stuff that nightmares are made of.  He took Merlin out the kitchen door and through the side gate and somehow the kids have just assumed that he died while they were playing upstairs and then D drove his body to the vet.  And that's that.

Despite the fact that I'm really not a dog person (though, in marrying D, I had promised that we would have dogs and we did get Merlin within months of the wedding) and despite the fact that the last five years (and the last six months, in particular) have been rough with the diabetes - not to mention expensive! - the house feels eerie without him.  I've gotten so used to little things, like keeping the stairgate at the bottom of the stairs shut, and the sound of him pawing at the hallway floor at night.  Having him lick J's tray ("prewash") after meals.

D is so upset.  I'm sure that part of him is wondering if he made the right decision.  He seems to need some reassurance from me on this.  D wasn't with me when Phoebe was put down (he was at work) so this is really the first time he's had to experience this.  Plus he's always been more attached to Merlin than any of the cats - though he's gotten pretty attached to Sidney - such that this is really hard for him.  His parents have had dogs forever and have been through this many times.  But it's the first time for him.

In other, happier, news, E and K's baby is doing really well and will probably be going home today.  Also, I popped into town on Saturday afternoon for a quit chat with JC (and some tofu) and the long and the short of it is that I will be baking gluten-free cakes for the shop :-)  I'll be making something different each time so that there's some variety, and will be bringing it in on Wednesdays when I go to work.  This week I'll be making a chocolate loaf cake.  Depending on how well it sells, I may be making another one (or two) that night for Thursday.

pets, life in general, family, entrepreneurship, kids, work, books

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