...and I've survived!
D returns from Sweden tomorrow. I feel like a train wreck (ok, so what else is new?) and I so need a few hours to myself! I've become rather sleep deprived this week, for a number of reasons.
First of all, J's sleep has gone from bad to worse. He's woken up something like once an hour for most of the nights this past week. In the evening it's not too much of a problem because I can get him back to sleep pretty easily. But when it's the middle of the night and I've been asleep, I often resort to the easy solution - feeding him. The result being that I end up feeding him a ton during the night.
Secondly, the dog. Merlin can't really go for twelve or so hours without going out, so I make myself stay up till about ten or so, then let him out front to pee (he's more likely to pee out front than out back. Who knows why). Which means that even though I can have all three kids in bed by 8 pm, I can't join the club and log some quality pillow time myself. And, despite my best efforts, I was awoken one night this week to the sound of Merlin scrambling around the bathtub (I kid you not) hunting for drops of water to lick up. I hate restricting his water at night, but I can't stand waking up to a huge puddle on the kitchen floor. Not wanting to wake up to a sodden carpet either, I keep the other two rooms downstairs closed during the night (god bless English construction). I did wake up to pee on the floor one night, though, and I wasn't impressed.
Thirdly, I sleep very poorly when D is away. Specifically, I'm terrified that someone will break in (we do get some burglaries around here and someone actually did try to break in a few years ago. Unable to get in, they took the laundry hanging out back and sprinkled it up and down the street. I kept finding the kids' underwear in the gutter). I like to say that this is probably an exaggeration on my part and that there is no way someone will get in, but.... one of the nights I was up with Merlin I did go downstairs and find the kitchen door unlocked. How it was unlocked (and who unlocked it) I will never know, but I'm super religious about locking doors (I grew up in Brooklyn). I suspect that one of the boys heard a cat meowing to get in (or out) and unlocked the door and forgot to lock it back up again. The camera and my wallet were both on the kitchen table, as was D's new computer upstairs, so I'm assuming we were lucky this time. However, this did not stop me from checking all the rooms. Over and over.
On a good note, J had a few good naps this week which helped me get some more time to myself during the day (yay!). I've also gotten together with some friends this week so that despite the exhaustion, I'm in a pretty good mood. D and I have managed to talk on skype most days and it's pretty clear this time that he feels awful for me and is really missing me. I like.
One of M's classmates lost her father last week and the circumstances are a bit murky. Apparently there were ambulances and a police car and he died at home and not from an illness. This is the same little girl who, not so long ago, was chasing him around the schoolyard and kissing him. I feel awful - she's only six and an only child and her mother is doing really well - just comes off as very strong and practical and all that. The little girl has been talking about it, which is great because it's so much better than keeping it all inside, so the teacher is going to discuss this (with the mother's permission) with the rest of the class on Monday. I feel so awful for them.
On a lighter note, I had to explain to my brother what a vasectomy is. We were on the phone yesterday and he said something about his girlfriend not wanting kids. I asked if he wanted any and apparently he thinks he's too old (he's 38). I asked why he doesn't just have a vasectomy if that's the case. The rest of the conversation pretty much went like this:
E: A what?
Me: A vasectomy.
E: What's that?
Me: Sterilization, silly.
E: But I still want to have sex!
Me: Um, I didn't say you couldn't have sex. It just means you'll be shooting blanks.
E: But I still want to have an explosion [seriously, those were his words] and for her to feel the explosion
Me: I didn't say you'd have sex but no orgasm. It just means you won't have any little sperm swimming in your semen anymore.
Sigh.
On Tuesday evening I went down to the allotment (with all three boys) to meet the two women I'm sharing the plot with and to see how much the working party managed to deal with last Sunday. I was really blown away by how great it looks - sure, it needs work but with all the brambles cut down and heaped in four or five huge piles you can finally see the potential. One of the women has a four month old and since we're keeping a couple of the fruit trees, we're going to get a baby swing and hang it from one of the branches. Once the stuff is all burned, we're going to figure out how to divide the plot into thirds. It was really nice to actually be able to walk on the plot (as opposed to before) but I have a few misgivings and I hope it's not just all in my head. While I'm really pleased about finally having the allotment, I'm a little concerned about having agreed to share my third with N. He's a great guy, just really sweet and honest and he's great with his kids and adores A. But he's so whipped. A pretty much calls all the shots and has all the control in that relationship and I realized on Monday that she's used to being in charge of things and that maybe sharing the allotment with him (and thus her) was a bad idea. I really like her, she's kind and generous but she's also very self-absorbed and opinionated and, frankly, bossy. I was having coffee with a friend (and our babies) when A passed by the coffee shop and made some comment about how she had been down to the allotment on Sunday afternoon and how much work was still needed - and she had such a....proprietary... air about the whole thing. Obviously I hadn't seen what had been done (and was happily surprised to find A wrong - the place was in great shape considering it had been completely overgrown) and it just seemed to me that...well, I'm not sure. I felt suddenly that my happy place had been taken away. As an aside, N ultimately wants an entire plot to himself (he loves gardening) and has put his name down on the waiting list. It'll be about a year or two till his number comes up but it will come up, and - I keep reminding myself - it's my name on the lease. I tell myself that I'm just being paranoid, but I really don't want A to start acting like she owns the place. I really hope this isi all in my head.
Other than that, I've been trying (and managing) not to live in a total pigsty. I did some laundry earlier in the week and even changed the kids' sheets on Sunday. I'm going to go over the house a bit tomorrow so that it looks semi-decent, but it's in pretty good shape considering I've not had much continuous sleep.
First of all, J's sleep has gone from bad to worse. He's woken up something like once an hour for most of the nights this past week. In the evening it's not too much of a problem because I can get him back to sleep pretty easily. But when it's the middle of the night and I've been asleep, I often resort to the easy solution - feeding him. The result being that I end up feeding him a ton during the night.
Secondly, the dog. Merlin can't really go for twelve or so hours without going out, so I make myself stay up till about ten or so, then let him out front to pee (he's more likely to pee out front than out back. Who knows why). Which means that even though I can have all three kids in bed by 8 pm, I can't join the club and log some quality pillow time myself. And, despite my best efforts, I was awoken one night this week to the sound of Merlin scrambling around the bathtub (I kid you not) hunting for drops of water to lick up. I hate restricting his water at night, but I can't stand waking up to a huge puddle on the kitchen floor. Not wanting to wake up to a sodden carpet either, I keep the other two rooms downstairs closed during the night (god bless English construction). I did wake up to pee on the floor one night, though, and I wasn't impressed.
Thirdly, I sleep very poorly when D is away. Specifically, I'm terrified that someone will break in (we do get some burglaries around here and someone actually did try to break in a few years ago. Unable to get in, they took the laundry hanging out back and sprinkled it up and down the street. I kept finding the kids' underwear in the gutter). I like to say that this is probably an exaggeration on my part and that there is no way someone will get in, but.... one of the nights I was up with Merlin I did go downstairs and find the kitchen door unlocked. How it was unlocked (and who unlocked it) I will never know, but I'm super religious about locking doors (I grew up in Brooklyn). I suspect that one of the boys heard a cat meowing to get in (or out) and unlocked the door and forgot to lock it back up again. The camera and my wallet were both on the kitchen table, as was D's new computer upstairs, so I'm assuming we were lucky this time. However, this did not stop me from checking all the rooms. Over and over.
On a good note, J had a few good naps this week which helped me get some more time to myself during the day (yay!). I've also gotten together with some friends this week so that despite the exhaustion, I'm in a pretty good mood. D and I have managed to talk on skype most days and it's pretty clear this time that he feels awful for me and is really missing me. I like.
One of M's classmates lost her father last week and the circumstances are a bit murky. Apparently there were ambulances and a police car and he died at home and not from an illness. This is the same little girl who, not so long ago, was chasing him around the schoolyard and kissing him. I feel awful - she's only six and an only child and her mother is doing really well - just comes off as very strong and practical and all that. The little girl has been talking about it, which is great because it's so much better than keeping it all inside, so the teacher is going to discuss this (with the mother's permission) with the rest of the class on Monday. I feel so awful for them.
On a lighter note, I had to explain to my brother what a vasectomy is. We were on the phone yesterday and he said something about his girlfriend not wanting kids. I asked if he wanted any and apparently he thinks he's too old (he's 38). I asked why he doesn't just have a vasectomy if that's the case. The rest of the conversation pretty much went like this:
E: A what?
Me: A vasectomy.
E: What's that?
Me: Sterilization, silly.
E: But I still want to have sex!
Me: Um, I didn't say you couldn't have sex. It just means you'll be shooting blanks.
E: But I still want to have an explosion [seriously, those were his words] and for her to feel the explosion
Me: I didn't say you'd have sex but no orgasm. It just means you won't have any little sperm swimming in your semen anymore.
Sigh.
On Tuesday evening I went down to the allotment (with all three boys) to meet the two women I'm sharing the plot with and to see how much the working party managed to deal with last Sunday. I was really blown away by how great it looks - sure, it needs work but with all the brambles cut down and heaped in four or five huge piles you can finally see the potential. One of the women has a four month old and since we're keeping a couple of the fruit trees, we're going to get a baby swing and hang it from one of the branches. Once the stuff is all burned, we're going to figure out how to divide the plot into thirds. It was really nice to actually be able to walk on the plot (as opposed to before) but I have a few misgivings and I hope it's not just all in my head. While I'm really pleased about finally having the allotment, I'm a little concerned about having agreed to share my third with N. He's a great guy, just really sweet and honest and he's great with his kids and adores A. But he's so whipped. A pretty much calls all the shots and has all the control in that relationship and I realized on Monday that she's used to being in charge of things and that maybe sharing the allotment with him (and thus her) was a bad idea. I really like her, she's kind and generous but she's also very self-absorbed and opinionated and, frankly, bossy. I was having coffee with a friend (and our babies) when A passed by the coffee shop and made some comment about how she had been down to the allotment on Sunday afternoon and how much work was still needed - and she had such a....proprietary... air about the whole thing. Obviously I hadn't seen what had been done (and was happily surprised to find A wrong - the place was in great shape considering it had been completely overgrown) and it just seemed to me that...well, I'm not sure. I felt suddenly that my happy place had been taken away. As an aside, N ultimately wants an entire plot to himself (he loves gardening) and has put his name down on the waiting list. It'll be about a year or two till his number comes up but it will come up, and - I keep reminding myself - it's my name on the lease. I tell myself that I'm just being paranoid, but I really don't want A to start acting like she owns the place. I really hope this isi all in my head.
Other than that, I've been trying (and managing) not to live in a total pigsty. I did some laundry earlier in the week and even changed the kids' sheets on Sunday. I'm going to go over the house a bit tomorrow so that it looks semi-decent, but it's in pretty good shape considering I've not had much continuous sleep.