5 in 30 III - Arkansas Report
I woke up at 8am, after sleeping for about three hours. I think I might have been drunk, still, but I packed all my shit and was about to get in my truck when I realized I didn't have my wallet. I thought back to that night - we went to Walmart and Whataburger. Fuck, pretty much exactly how I permanently lost my cellphone! Always the optimist, I checked Christian's car - voila! Wallet's on the floor. All I have to do is get his keys. Too bad he's totally asleep.
I poked him several times, after which he'd open his eyes, look at me, and close them again. Eventually I got the point across that I needed his keys, so he reached into his pocket, handed me a lighter, and went back to sleep.
"Good try, Christian - but keys! Keeeeeys!"
He checked a few other pockets, and fell asleep with his hand in one. I didn't hear any jingling, so I started looking for his keys elsewhere. I found them on the living room floor, which should have been the first place I looked. I fetched my wallet, and drove like hell for my parents' house to have breakfast.
Skip forward five hours. The scenery is unremarkable.
We checked into the hotel about two hours beforehand. Everyone else fell asleep, so I chugged a jager bomb and headed out into the realm of the toothless. Surprisingly, I didn't get into any scuffles, mostly because nobody would meet my eyes except the magician.
I came into this expecting a huge southern baptist wedding, complete with... actually, I don't really know what southern baptist weddings are like. I just sort of automatically assumed they would be long, painful and un-airconditioned. Luckily, Melissa's wedding was short and painless. It helped, of course, that I was buzzed throughout the whole thing.
Usually, if I want to smuggle vodka with me, I just toss it into the cargo pocket of my pants, but the problem with dress pants is that they don't have any such thing. Luckily, I figured out a way to strap the bottle to my ankle with my iPod strap. Attention all guests who might read this: I wasn't continuously running to the bathroom because I have a bladder infection.
Afterwards, we went back to the hotel room and drank watching the Mavs game. When I woke up I took a shot of vodka and chugged a bitch beer, and I was set for the ride back! For some reason, I slept through just about all of it. Go figure.