My first race and Erin's views of gender
On Friday April 13th, Yumi, Nicole, and I went to Groveton, TX to do the Davy Crockett Bear Chase.
I was originally going to run in the marathon, but since our training did not go as planned, we all decided it was best to just do the half-marathon. On Friday night, we went to their small town elementary to check in and get a spaghetti dinner. Then we went back early to Crockett to go to our cheap hotel for the night. We relaxed and played Spinner dominoes before we went to bed.
Early Saturday, we did the race. It was more hilly than I expected it to be. The scenery was nice though. It was a bit more humid than I expected, but luckily it was overcast almost the whole time I ran which helped me immensely. I have learned that I respond poorly in high heat and humidity. I ended up finishing 52nd out of several hundred people that were running either the full or half marathon. My time was 2:05:10, which was much better than I expected to do when I started. Only like 146 people were originally signed up to do the marathon (including Nicole, Yumi, and I), but it seemed like 500+ total were either signed up for either one. Yumi finished 33rd overall, Nicole finished 56th. Yumi's time was like 1 hr and 56 mins, and Nicole was like 2 hrs and 6 mins.
We went back to the hotel to shower before we drove back to Katy. We ate well, relaxed, and had fun the rest of that day. Before we left, we did take this picture.
It almost looks like I am wearing a wig there. I also don't like my large forehead that is exposed when I pull my hair back like that. Makes me think of my old male self so it makes me feel like I look more masculine. Look how tall I am, heh. Good picture regardless. Nicole and Yumi are very photogenic.
Before I left work on Thursday, I did have a patient say to me "Excuse me, sir." as I was leaving. They were lost and needed help. I know they were speaking to me. It does bother me and make me self conscious to think that someone read me as a male when I am presenting as a female in my most feminine, best-fitting scrubs. O well.
After I got off work today, I went over to my parents' home to visit. I showed my mom a few pictures from the race. She asked me after seeing some pictures of me (in that same outfit as seen above), "Did you go as Bren?" I was surprised that she had to ask that...
My mom found and gave me a new hair tie that will make it easier for me to tie back for my pony tail before exercising. I put it in and showed my hair to my little sister Erin. She said while giggling, "You look like a lady." She said that I look more like a lady with my hair pulled back in her opinion. I asked her, "What if I was a lady?" Her response was "You would look like a boy then." My mom then asked Erin, "What if he was a lady? What would you think of that?"
Erin said that she didn't know but I do look like a lady but I cannot be a lady. She said that I look too much like a boy still while giggling. I drove Erin to dinner separately since she wanted to ride in my car. I asked her more about her views on gender and myself. She said that I would be a girl only in opposite world. In opposite world, I would apparently be a girl while looking like a boy, while now, I currently look kind of like a girl but I am a boy. I asked her why I can't be a girl then. She said that I need to have boobs to be a girl. I told that I do have boobs. Then she laughed while saying, "You have always had boy boobs. You look too much like a boy still." She says that my boobs need to stick out much more, be more noticeable, and be bigger if I was a girl. She also said that girls get pregnant and are able to give them babies milk to drink from their boobs. I didn't want to talk how lactation can occur in boys too, but I did mention that there are some girls that can't get pregnant. Then she said that then they could adopt and still give them their milk. I closed it saying that anyone can adopt a child.
It was an interesting conversation that I had with Erin, and she had me specifically promise that I would not tell my family about this discussion we had. However, she did say that Nicole and Yumi could know without me even asking if they could, heh. I found it admittedly a bit discouraging that Erin sees me still more as a boy, but I know she is young and what not. Still, some of her observations are things I have occasionally and still criticize myself as well still about looking still too much like my boy self.
I was originally going to run in the marathon, but since our training did not go as planned, we all decided it was best to just do the half-marathon. On Friday night, we went to their small town elementary to check in and get a spaghetti dinner. Then we went back early to Crockett to go to our cheap hotel for the night. We relaxed and played Spinner dominoes before we went to bed.
Early Saturday, we did the race. It was more hilly than I expected it to be. The scenery was nice though. It was a bit more humid than I expected, but luckily it was overcast almost the whole time I ran which helped me immensely. I have learned that I respond poorly in high heat and humidity. I ended up finishing 52nd out of several hundred people that were running either the full or half marathon. My time was 2:05:10, which was much better than I expected to do when I started. Only like 146 people were originally signed up to do the marathon (including Nicole, Yumi, and I), but it seemed like 500+ total were either signed up for either one. Yumi finished 33rd overall, Nicole finished 56th. Yumi's time was like 1 hr and 56 mins, and Nicole was like 2 hrs and 6 mins.
We went back to the hotel to shower before we drove back to Katy. We ate well, relaxed, and had fun the rest of that day. Before we left, we did take this picture.
It almost looks like I am wearing a wig there. I also don't like my large forehead that is exposed when I pull my hair back like that. Makes me think of my old male self so it makes me feel like I look more masculine. Look how tall I am, heh. Good picture regardless. Nicole and Yumi are very photogenic.
Before I left work on Thursday, I did have a patient say to me "Excuse me, sir." as I was leaving. They were lost and needed help. I know they were speaking to me. It does bother me and make me self conscious to think that someone read me as a male when I am presenting as a female in my most feminine, best-fitting scrubs. O well.
After I got off work today, I went over to my parents' home to visit. I showed my mom a few pictures from the race. She asked me after seeing some pictures of me (in that same outfit as seen above), "Did you go as Bren?" I was surprised that she had to ask that...
My mom found and gave me a new hair tie that will make it easier for me to tie back for my pony tail before exercising. I put it in and showed my hair to my little sister Erin. She said while giggling, "You look like a lady." She said that I look more like a lady with my hair pulled back in her opinion. I asked her, "What if I was a lady?" Her response was "You would look like a boy then." My mom then asked Erin, "What if he was a lady? What would you think of that?"
Erin said that she didn't know but I do look like a lady but I cannot be a lady. She said that I look too much like a boy still while giggling. I drove Erin to dinner separately since she wanted to ride in my car. I asked her more about her views on gender and myself. She said that I would be a girl only in opposite world. In opposite world, I would apparently be a girl while looking like a boy, while now, I currently look kind of like a girl but I am a boy. I asked her why I can't be a girl then. She said that I need to have boobs to be a girl. I told that I do have boobs. Then she laughed while saying, "You have always had boy boobs. You look too much like a boy still." She says that my boobs need to stick out much more, be more noticeable, and be bigger if I was a girl. She also said that girls get pregnant and are able to give them babies milk to drink from their boobs. I didn't want to talk how lactation can occur in boys too, but I did mention that there are some girls that can't get pregnant. Then she said that then they could adopt and still give them their milk. I closed it saying that anyone can adopt a child.
It was an interesting conversation that I had with Erin, and she had me specifically promise that I would not tell my family about this discussion we had. However, she did say that Nicole and Yumi could know without me even asking if they could, heh. I found it admittedly a bit discouraging that Erin sees me still more as a boy, but I know she is young and what not. Still, some of her observations are things I have occasionally and still criticize myself as well still about looking still too much like my boy self.