"....How was the date?"

"Terrible.  The girl was completely horrible at conversation, every conversation opener I threw at her failed miserably.  I even went so far as to ask what she liked to do for fun, and do you know what she responded with?"

"No..."

"She says, 'People always ask me that and I'm not sure what I do for fun, I'm always busy ( Read more... )

"I created an Excel spreadsheet that automates this process that used to take 30-40 minutes down to..." I stopped mid-sentence and broke down crying.  I was suddenly transported back into the body of a school child that eagerly ran home to tell his mother what he had done in school only to have her casually nod her head and look away.  I knew ( Read more... )

And how does a lonely man fill the void?  Two ways really.  The first of which you'll find splattered across my F: drive.  Brunettes, blondes, redheads, all concocted together to present an on demand illusion of companionship.  Simply choose your temporary companion for the night and allow the grips of reality to slowly melt away with the setting ( Read more... )

"Look, um, after you've had sex with a girl, and you're lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you're not, why?...It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will #$%! your head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man's life are the few minutes after he's blown his load - now that is a medical fact. And ( Read more... )

"An outlaw has to be a lone wolf. You can't count on anyone but yourself. But sometimes, you just want to feel the warmth of another body."

---
"You're leaving?  Well, I'll walk you home" she blurted out as I began putting on my shoes.  At that moment I came to the realization that all my prior attempts at wrapping my arms around her would soon be ( Read more... )

"What's it like?"

"It's everything you've heard about and more, every stereotype, every dream, every fantasy, all enveloped within a small concise package and delivered to your door - free of charge.  It's everything you've ever wanted."

"What if I don't want anything?"

"Then it's nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

I feel a ( Read more... )

"Hi, I'm [ObLiVioN-FalLs], a recent graduate from [My School] with a bachelor's degree in mathematics, and I’m interested to know if you're actively recruiting math majors and what positions you currently have available..."

It was a perfectly canned opening, one I had developed as I walked through the door and had begun using shamelessly on everyone ( Read more... )