And So A Web Of Lies Unfolds
Monday, February 1st 2010 at 3:35pm
My mother attempted to call me a few times, but the reception in this building wouldn't allow it to really get through. I didn't want to talk anyway with my throat all sore and my eyes all running (or so I said they were running, but really I've been a teary mess all day.) And since I attempted to have an apple and cheese (which only lasted through one bite of cheese and three-quarters of the apple) and some grapes (which was another useless attempt) I have had a ill-behaved stomach as well...
Anyway, by way of excuse to my mother I said over skype;
Me: You wouldn't answer with your eyes running and your nose running and your throat all
scratchy while feeling miserable, you wouldn't. You'd shew them away.
Mom: Oh, I didn't mean you. I meant my silence should have struck you as unusual.
[I had misunderstood something she said earlier about responding when someone talks to you.]
Me: Oh, right. I donno, I thought you had a phone call or something.
Mom: I'd have done a “brb”
Me: Ah, I often avoid those. They keep people from saying things. People tend to go right on writing if you don't "brb" But then sometimes I do end up vanishing.
Mom: Yes, you do. Like your father. Anyhow, give me a quick update, then go back to sleep.
Me: *sighs* Well, I try not to do it in person.
Mom: No, you don't do it in person. Did Paladin say anything about the e-mail I sent him?
Me: Not to me, he may not have gotten it. Not yet, that is.
Mom: I suppose. Don't ask him about it. I had suggested that he might want to read it in private, even though you knew everything that was in it. Because I thought he might like to think about it alone. It was just about how if I had my druthers you guys would come here.
Me: Oh boy.
[She just had to hit on the topic that I was already upset about, huh?]
Mom: I did try to make it clear that it was just what I would prefer, but that he obviously had to do what works for him.
Me: Well, I've found out the root of the issue. I somehow never previously understood why he said his parents would be disappointed if he were to move in with us. Not because he would be under my parents' roof, and not because he'd be in a bad neighborhood, but because it would be before we were married.
Me: I only got that out of him last night. And that topped with how sick I've been has left me completely exhausted through and through today.
Mom: I see.
Me: Listen, when you get a change; when it's quiet, and you're not busy or stressed, I'd really
like you to do a tarot reading for me. You should do it in my room, while holding the purple crystal ball you can find on the shelf above my bed in a rectangular pink plastic container full of stones.
Mom: Okay.
If you think about aunt Procyon, you'll get a better grasp of their hold on him in that regard. Shrew is though … Shrew is thought of more highly than Beaver, for instance.
[Shrew and Beaver are Procyon's sons. She also has a daughter. Aunt Procyon's house is where I spent Christmas for the first fourteen years of my life.]
Me: Right.
Mom: So, you're feeling down about this, right?
Me: Yeah. Well, his sister told his parents straight out that she wasn't Christian, and it's caused a lot of strife; and he's the first born of his parents out of four, and he doesn't want to lead the complete breakdown of the family dynamic by following his sister.
Mom: I really can understand that. But you and he have some decisions to make.
Me: Well, he says his plan is to move to WhereIGrewUp in Summer or Fall in his own apartment. And obviously we would spend most of our time either home or at his apartment anyway. And that's acceptable in terms of spending time together, but it's such a damn waste of money all over some stupid shit he doesn't even believe in. - Oops, I'm not supposed to be cursing anymore.
Mom: Are you (plural) going to pretend to be fundamentalist Christian? Or perhaps he can downplay it into - Yep - A damn waste of money.
I chuckle.
Mom: But there are decisions to be made.
Me: Well, I don't have to see his parents more than twice a year at most I'm guessing. So that's
not a big deal. They do live a long way from us.
Mom: And a wedding? Are you going to go all out Christian and get married in a church they would approve of?
Me: Paladin suggested that we have two weddings. One with his parents, one with mine.
Mom: I'm not against waiting, you understand. I really think that it would make for a stronger marriage to do it the traditional way. But separate weddings? What are they supposed to think about us not showing up?
Me: Although, again; the more expensive way to do things in favor of his sensitive parents. >.< ...Well, I'm sure they would know there was another one. For my friends and family.
Mom: Perhaps ...
Me: And perhaps just you and dad could attend both.
Mom: Perhaps they could be resigned to a Unitarian wedding, especially if not too much was said about the specific details.
Me: Perhaps they could just not know much about it at all? *chuckle*
Mom: After all, they would approve of Aunt Procyon.
Me: *laughs* Yeah, let's ship her down to where Paladin's parents are and never tell her about the one with my friends and folks.
Mom: If they were coming here just for a few days for a wedding at that UU, they probably wouldn't really understand much about the differences.
Me: Uh. Mom.
Mom: Although your plan isn't bad. :)
Me: Yes. They. Would.
Mom: What. Oh. Why?
Me: They'd have a problem right about the time of the reception and the music and the dancing.
Mom: Oh, I see.
Me: And his mother would be shocked just by it being at a UU church alone. I asked Paladin about that.
Mom: Well, personally I don't have a problem with an all out Christian wedding with all the trimmings. Just seems a waste. We and Aunt Procyon could go, for that matter all of you family that would be interested in going at all wouldn't have a problem.
[I should have mentioned that it would be difficult to bring all of my family to a said all-out Christian wedding for a number of reasons. My brothers - Sheep and Elephant - would be hard-pressed to keep their mouths' shut about it, even if explained to them thoroughly beforehand, also, the distance means that having only one wedding would mean either a lot of people on one side of the family couldn't come, or a lot of money would have to be spent on travels out of someone's pocket. I begin to truly grow fond of Paladin's idea of two weddings.]
Me: I don't know what to do in that respect. Lying about it forever may be impossible, and
maybe he doesn't intend to lie about it forever, maybe he just wants to get through the first years or whatever without her disapproval.
Mom: That isn't a bad outlook. Shrew doesn't have to answer to every whim of Aunt Procyon's anymore.
Me: *nods* He doesn't want her pressuring him to leave me, so that's why he's gone and told her that I'm a Christian.
Mom: As long as you aren't living near them. You do know how to keep your mouth shut.
Me: Yep. Just behave as I would around Aunt Procyon, I have practice.
Mom: And, you know, you are a Christian. You believe in the things that Jesus said, and you have called on him sometimes. So it isn't a lie. You just don't subscribe to the currently popular notion of Christianity.
Me: Oh sure, that's one notion. One notion I've already thought of. But, even if I convince
myself it's not a lie, the full truth with her would still make it a lie as far as she was concerned.
Mom: Right. I was just having an imaginary conversation with her. "Yes, I'm Christian. I believe in Jesus. But I don't agree with everything the modern church says, so we will not discuss religion."
Me: From everything Paladin has said, that may work for you to say that, but perhaps not so
well for me to say that.
Mom: Yes.
Me: I've come to the conclusion that I should just nod and smile and change topics.
Mom: Yes!
I chuckle.
Mom: By the same token, would they have to know that it was your parents' apartment he was renting? Hey!! I wonder whether Parrot could use another roommate?
Me: That's what I said last night, about them not needing to know it was an apartment within my parents' house. I even told him about your idea about making the separate entrance and everything, but he said it would be too obvious if they were to come and visit; and he said that them visiting is going to happen at some point. That isn't a bad idea at all - about Parrot that is.
[Paladin has gone on to tell me that they would want to visit right away, likely during the moving process itself. But he said that with a thoughtful expression and went on to add that he might be able to put that off somehow.]
Mom groans.
Me: Except...
Mom: The mess.
Me: Paladin lives alone for a reason.
Mom: Oh?
Me: He hates having roommates. Who knows if he and Parrot would get along.
Mom: There's always that.
Me: I mean, I'm sure they'd get along for board games. But living together is another cup of tea entirely.
Mom: Yes, I know. But Parrot goes to Bible study … Parrot can be a little hard to take.
Me: I don't think Parrot going to bible study would improve Paladin's opinion in the very least.
Mom: Hehehe. I didn't mean it too. That was supposed to be funny.
Me: Oh. *laughs*
Mom: Well, if he comes for a few days over Easter, better plans can be worked out. It's still remotely possible for him to rent here and they not know. I mean if they visited his apartment - who goes into other apartments in the same house? I would have to put my foot down about them visiting me. I know, not really very workable.
Me: Unfortunately not. The house would have to be 100% finished.
[Also, again I forgot to bring up the issue that their objection isn't to living under the same roof, but to living with me before marriage. It would be damn obvious that it was my place as well as his, no matter what was done.]
Mom: Another idea.
Me: Him having an apartment else where also means he can hang a giant cross on the wall, and
meet you guys at that apartment as well.
Mom: Yes, I know. How about if, if they came to visit, he could rent from Parrot in appearance only.
Me: That's a bit far to carry a lie, but... I can ask what he thinks about the idea anyway.
Mom: If he had a space there, and paid a pittance of rent to maintain an address there, with the understanding that he could come and stay occasionally overnight, so that he has stuff there … Or even with Mary. That downstairs bedroom. Not likely, though. It does have the birds in it.
I laugh. [Mary's birds are quite the annoyance.]
Mom: There are boarding rooms, though. Not sure where right now, and they would be rather awful, but as long as he isn't really living in it, that wouldn't be too bad. I'm not sure how much they are. When Elephant did that, it was $50 per week. Elephant! They're buying a house.
Me: True.
[4:13pm]
Mom: It's going to be quite a ways to it, though. And I don't know whether Elephas would be comfortable going along with it, acting like he rented a room there if he's never actually there. I'll have to do some thinking about it. Alternative: Get married in the fall.
Me: *laughs* I tried to ask him about that as well. I said to him (half kidding); "Well, okay, I'm ready for getting married whenever you are; as long as it's before June."
[4:13pm]
Me: My mother is coming up with all sorts of devious ideas. I didn't know she had it in her. My mom is trying to think of someone we know where you could pretend to live at when your parents visit.
Paladin: Um... My parents will undoubtedly try to visit when I move, goof. I might be able to put that off, but I might not. Also, I don't like stooping to such deceit. It seems much more reasonable that I maintain a place somewhere, even if I practically live with you. Then, at least, my parents can visit me and be satisfied.
Me: Well, I did say to my mother that it was a bit far to carry the lie; but she like I, can't fathom maintaining an extra place at such an extra expensive...
Paladin: Well, the place to start is to figure out which colleges offer my degree and the net cost of attending. Then to work down from there.
Me: *sigh*
Paladin: It doesn't make sense to work out all the other stuff without if finishing my degree there is out of the question.
Me: *whines*