bride of the brine
It seems as if the days surrounding one's birthday should be filled with good luck and serendipity, but it never goes that way for me. The end of August is always the time when cars break down, boyfriends leave, apartments change, and a job is either coming or going. Plates shift, forests are burned, traitors are made to walk the plank, and in September the dust settles and I keep on truckin'.
I started my day with an office-wide brawl about not being able to afford taking labor day off. I spent most of the day freaking out about money because I had 84 cents in my checking account. I was greeted by a flat tire on my car on the way out.
Jason's company was soothing. He made me dinner and gave me a giant bag of presents including the new Amy Sedaris book, a Wolverine toothbrush, and a Danzig sticker for my canoe. I'm lucky that I have people in my life who can be counted on to put me back together when I throw all my shit in their lap and say "fix it". But I know if I got closer to him I would end up taking that for granted.
I wanted to do something special for my birthday and to be outside, so we went to Narraganset beach. We took advantage of an empty lifeguard chair and afterwards, the ocean wasn't so cold. I looked back at Jason on the shore the way I have looked back at every boy, as if I had to make the decision between fins and legs right then and there. I turned away from the inky waves. Not just yet.