Here is another one....
Well I am officially done with school I stopped going and I really am not even going to try to even register for next term. I do not know why I just lost my passion for school; I am thirty years old and have nothing really to show for my life. My friends have accomplishments, have dreams and goals. I have no real passion towards anything, I have no real hobbies, other than master baiting and video games and unless I decide to make a website of me in front of a webcam naked while I play video game I think I am out of luck, plus I need to get into shape first. I am lazy I admit that but I am a nerd could I not join a D&D guild or a computer gaming club. I just have not want or need to even try to get into anything, I just work, sleep and let life slip by without a second though. The pile of regret just keeps getting bigger and instead of worrying about it anymore I just get more and more numb over the ears till I have to fake emotion with I even have sex with someone so they do not think I am cold heartless bastard. Or I can just stop having sex like I seem to be doing, I can think of at least three opportunities I am not even trying toward any more.
The other thing I wanted to talk about was both of my fetishes, one being voyeurism, and the other that I have a thing for girls well women who are off. The first concept has visited me the most on two occasions or recent. One being as I was doing one of my patrols at the job I happened to stop by a room and herd the occupants having sex. I stopped and stood there listening for the next twenty minuses. Now the Voyeur in me loved it, he wanted to see the action much less hear it. The security guard in me was thinking if they get any louder I might have to call down to the front desk and get them to call about a noise complaint. Finally the male in me was just sad, it is like when you see a couple making out, you say things like “get a room” well sometimes you are disgusted by their display and sometimes you want them to stop just because you are jealous that you are not one of them making out. The other fetish being that I really liked messed up girls and then they seem to like me as well. There are the girls who people always warn you about and yet it turns me on when I find out they are crazy. The more bazaar and the more messed up they are the more it just runs chills down my spine with excitement. The hottest thing I could ever thing of is a stalker, a girl wanting me so bad she does unbelievable things to be with me. The problem with stalkers is the person they stalk is never the great love or the magical person they believe they are. I am to obvious to if they ever meet me there dream is shattered in an instant. Still one can hope that there is one sick puppy of a woman out there who just wants me more than any other man....sigh.
Once again I love going to the mall I love the feel of being surrounded by people every wear you look you feel life and energy of beings around you. Yet, I still get that feeling again like I am not one of them, like I am an outsider an alien. No matter how many people I am around I still feel like I do not fit in. Maybe that is why I have a fear of commitment so much I just do not feel like I fit with anyone, it is not I have high standards or just feel low on myself. I just feel no person can even be with someone who does not feel like a person themselves.
The other thing I wanted to talk about was both of my fetishes, one being voyeurism, and the other that I have a thing for girls well women who are off. The first concept has visited me the most on two occasions or recent. One being as I was doing one of my patrols at the job I happened to stop by a room and herd the occupants having sex. I stopped and stood there listening for the next twenty minuses. Now the Voyeur in me loved it, he wanted to see the action much less hear it. The security guard in me was thinking if they get any louder I might have to call down to the front desk and get them to call about a noise complaint. Finally the male in me was just sad, it is like when you see a couple making out, you say things like “get a room” well sometimes you are disgusted by their display and sometimes you want them to stop just because you are jealous that you are not one of them making out. The other fetish being that I really liked messed up girls and then they seem to like me as well. There are the girls who people always warn you about and yet it turns me on when I find out they are crazy. The more bazaar and the more messed up they are the more it just runs chills down my spine with excitement. The hottest thing I could ever thing of is a stalker, a girl wanting me so bad she does unbelievable things to be with me. The problem with stalkers is the person they stalk is never the great love or the magical person they believe they are. I am to obvious to if they ever meet me there dream is shattered in an instant. Still one can hope that there is one sick puppy of a woman out there who just wants me more than any other man....sigh.
Once again I love going to the mall I love the feel of being surrounded by people every wear you look you feel life and energy of beings around you. Yet, I still get that feeling again like I am not one of them, like I am an outsider an alien. No matter how many people I am around I still feel like I do not fit in. Maybe that is why I have a fear of commitment so much I just do not feel like I fit with anyone, it is not I have high standards or just feel low on myself. I just feel no person can even be with someone who does not feel like a person themselves.