Fairly long post under the cuts.
The paragraph I accidentally left out of my post on Saturday was basically about how much things can change with the sobering light of day, and that the monster that was my roommate Friday night, had transformed into a regular, mellow, dare I say nice guy by Saturday morning. He started by offering to take me out for coffee, and continued to be kind and generous and friendly for the rest of the day, and in fact, the rest of the week-end. I don't know if he released all the bottled up rage he'd been hanging on to, or if it was something I said/screamed during the fight, or what, but I'm telling you, he has been like a different person since Saturday morning. It's wonderful, and I hope it stays this way. He was the one who convinced me to go out Saturday night, and he promised to come and get me near the end of Savage, so I wouldn't have to go home alone on the TTC. (He was going to DarkRave at Funhaus.) He even gave me busfare, although I had a bit of money. He did show up eventually at Savage, and bought me a bunch of Revs! It was Revolution Saturday, so they were super cheap. I didn't ask him for a single one of them. The night felt strange, since DarkRave was going on, Savage was mostly dead, yet there were many unfamiliar faces. Also, there were no Guelphites, (I never know whether to be happy or disappointed about that) and my friend Jay was still in Florida. However, my friends Patrick and Claudia were there, and I haven't seen them in forever. I was happy to talk to both of them! I miss them alot.
Chris and I came home, and Dan was awake, sitting on my couch. He'd been having horrible nightmares all night. He told me the next day what they were about. Pretty brutal stuff...
I stayed up with him for awhile, and then we went upstairs, and his mood improved. ;P+
Sunday was a lazy morning, but nice, and finally we got up, and alxxx369 suggested we all go out for coffee, his treat! So we went to Timmy Ho's, and then the Sunday Antique Market across the street. I bought a neat little wooden shelf thing with carved doors, for $5. We ran into my mom there, and I was puzzling over what this shelf was for, as inside the little doors, there were divots in the wood along the bottom, when my mom suggested maybe it had been a pipe holder, and I am certain that she's right! Anyway, it's neat. We all came back home, and got my brother, and then went on a wild goose chase to three liquor stores looking for Cold Shots for Dan. Ironically, he ended up getting something else, once we finally found them, lol! We came back again, Dan and I made a bunch of food, and at some point he said I could go back to his place and meet his family! They apparently aren't too impressed with me being involved with him, because of my age. (I'm 12 years older than him.) We went all the way up there (it takes about an hour or more) and the only person home was his grandmother. She liked me, at least! (But she's a bit senile, and barely speaks English.) We fed Dan's piranhas, and then he showed me some of the chainmail he's made, as well as cloaks and plate armour he's made. He's so talented! He has an amazing sword collection, too. I found out he used to do competitive downhill mountain biking, too. (I don't think that's the right name for it.) He had trophies for karate, and soccer. He has an electric guitar, and played that a bit. (He had a book with songs he'd written, but he didn't play any of them. Poo!) He's one of those people that's naturally good at just about anything he attempts to do. I felt seriously inadequate... We sat in his garage, watching his piranhas, and talking about how we felt about ourselves, and our lives, past, present and future... I talked a bit about my kids, and what fighting for them has entailed, and what starting the fight up again would mean for me, and for the people who are close to me... After a few hours, his mom and sisters still weren't home, and he got cold feet. He thought his mom would ask too many questions, and it wouldn't be a good scene... So he said he wanted to come back to my place. So we left. We stopped at McD's, and he offered to buy me something to eat, so we did that, which inadvertantly led to a running joke that we just couldn't let rest, all the way back to my place. I'd share it, but it's one of those things, you'd have to be there. Anyway, we were laughing alot. I will never think of pickles and tomatoes the same way again, I'll say that, lol!
And that brings me, at last, to my last post, after which, I passed out in my recliner, with Dan passed out on the couch. Around 4:30am, he woke me up, and we went to bed. (But not to sleep, heehee!)
This morning was all good, and by 8am, he was gone to work. I hope he's not too tired today. Chris is at work too, so I'm just here alone. *looks around* Grizelda is asleep in her "house". It's been a very quiet, mellow day so far.
I have been doing a lot of reflection, in the few hours since Dan left. I know I need to do a radical lifestyle change. What I don't know is where to begin, or how. I need to really search deep inside myself, and try to find some sliver of motivation, incentive, strength...something. If I don't find the means within myself to start a change, I will never get my kids back, I will never find a partner, I will never know what it is to have love in my life. Or respect. I have so much thinking to do, but more than that, I must take action. I hate who I am. I hate my life, or lack thereof, and I am so tired of feeling that way.
Anyhoo, that's enough for now... My head is spinning with so many thoughts and ideas and contemplations! Not to mention warm recollections of earlier this morning! ;)+.
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Chris and I came home, and Dan was awake, sitting on my couch. He'd been having horrible nightmares all night. He told me the next day what they were about. Pretty brutal stuff...
I stayed up with him for awhile, and then we went upstairs, and his mood improved. ;P+
Sunday was a lazy morning, but nice, and finally we got up, and alxxx369 suggested we all go out for coffee, his treat! So we went to Timmy Ho's, and then the Sunday Antique Market across the street. I bought a neat little wooden shelf thing with carved doors, for $5. We ran into my mom there, and I was puzzling over what this shelf was for, as inside the little doors, there were divots in the wood along the bottom, when my mom suggested maybe it had been a pipe holder, and I am certain that she's right! Anyway, it's neat. We all came back home, and got my brother, and then went on a wild goose chase to three liquor stores looking for Cold Shots for Dan. Ironically, he ended up getting something else, once we finally found them, lol! We came back again, Dan and I made a bunch of food, and at some point he said I could go back to his place and meet his family! They apparently aren't too impressed with me being involved with him, because of my age. (I'm 12 years older than him.) We went all the way up there (it takes about an hour or more) and the only person home was his grandmother. She liked me, at least! (But she's a bit senile, and barely speaks English.) We fed Dan's piranhas, and then he showed me some of the chainmail he's made, as well as cloaks and plate armour he's made. He's so talented! He has an amazing sword collection, too. I found out he used to do competitive downhill mountain biking, too. (I don't think that's the right name for it.) He had trophies for karate, and soccer. He has an electric guitar, and played that a bit. (He had a book with songs he'd written, but he didn't play any of them. Poo!) He's one of those people that's naturally good at just about anything he attempts to do. I felt seriously inadequate... We sat in his garage, watching his piranhas, and talking about how we felt about ourselves, and our lives, past, present and future... I talked a bit about my kids, and what fighting for them has entailed, and what starting the fight up again would mean for me, and for the people who are close to me... After a few hours, his mom and sisters still weren't home, and he got cold feet. He thought his mom would ask too many questions, and it wouldn't be a good scene... So he said he wanted to come back to my place. So we left. We stopped at McD's, and he offered to buy me something to eat, so we did that, which inadvertantly led to a running joke that we just couldn't let rest, all the way back to my place. I'd share it, but it's one of those things, you'd have to be there. Anyway, we were laughing alot. I will never think of pickles and tomatoes the same way again, I'll say that, lol!
And that brings me, at last, to my last post, after which, I passed out in my recliner, with Dan passed out on the couch. Around 4:30am, he woke me up, and we went to bed. (But not to sleep, heehee!)
This morning was all good, and by 8am, he was gone to work. I hope he's not too tired today. Chris is at work too, so I'm just here alone. *looks around* Grizelda is asleep in her "house". It's been a very quiet, mellow day so far.
I have been doing a lot of reflection, in the few hours since Dan left. I know I need to do a radical lifestyle change. What I don't know is where to begin, or how. I need to really search deep inside myself, and try to find some sliver of motivation, incentive, strength...something. If I don't find the means within myself to start a change, I will never get my kids back, I will never find a partner, I will never know what it is to have love in my life. Or respect. I have so much thinking to do, but more than that, I must take action. I hate who I am. I hate my life, or lack thereof, and I am so tired of feeling that way.
Anyhoo, that's enough for now... My head is spinning with so many thoughts and ideas and contemplations! Not to mention warm recollections of earlier this morning! ;)+.
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