A study on what makes open relationships and polyamory work long-term

[nasu_dengaku]

One common criticism of polyamory is that it tends to be something that's only undertaken in the short term or when people haven't found the "right partner".  I have observed some people do it for reasons that are not conducive to building a healthy long-term relationship.  However, I do believe that stable long-term polyamory is possible, and I

Comments

[jhogan]

- Not having the main reason for pursuing polyamory be the desire to have secondary partners as ways of filling needs that are not met by the primary relationship.

That I would not necessarily have expected...

[lynthia]

Yeah, I'm surprised by that one too. I've been married for 8+ years, and have maintained another long-term relationship for 6+ of those same years. The motivating factor was absolutely that I was looking to "fill gaps" as it were, and I've found it to be a wonderful way to be able to appreciate people for what they *can* provide, when you're not looking for them to provide everything.

[ex_serenejo]

Contrariwise (and not to negate your own view), I prefer not to look at people as means to an end. That is, I'm not with anyone in order to get any particular needs filled; I'm with each one of my partners because that person is someone I love and find nifty.

[lynthia]

This issue was central to the very messy end of my relationship with a third, and I still can't seem to find a better way to explain it other than "we think about it differently, and this is one of those issues you can't really agree to disagree on if you're going to be together

[nasu_dengaku]

Go for it. You can link to any of my public posts.

[ferrouswheel]

Thanks for sharing this. :-)

[vvvexation]

I'm not sure why they think you have to redefine sex in order for it not to be a threat. I mean, what is there about the usual definition of sex that implies that it's a threat to other relationships?

[vvvexation]

Well, yes, some people believe that, but I never really thought it was part of "the monogamous paradigm." Am I just hopelessly ahead of the times?

[vvvexation]

Yes, that's what I meant...but I don't agree that the usual definition of sex is that it's reserved for one person. I mean, I guess some people define it as something you only do with someone you're serious about, but I don't think that's the same thing.