A study on what makes open relationships and polyamory work long-term

[nasu_dengaku]

One common criticism of polyamory is that it tends to be something that's only undertaken in the short term or when people haven't found the "right partner".  I have observed some people do it for reasons that are not conducive to building a healthy long-term relationship.  However, I do believe that stable long-term polyamory is possible, and I

Comments

[lynthia]

This issue was central to the very messy end of my relationship with a third, and I still can't seem to find a better way to explain it other than "we think about it differently, and this is one of those issues you can't really agree to disagree on if you're going to be together."

He felt I was rather selfish, if I only loved people for aspects of themselves that fit with what I needed. For him, you loved someone because it was "right" to do so. I still don't quite understand how that works, though I've honestly tried. I'm attracted to a person because of attributes, right? Not because some light goes on in my head when I see them that says "YES! DATE THIS ONE!" So unless that's not allowed anymore, I'm just sort of lost.

I don't think of my husband or my boyfriend as a "means to an end," unless that end is "I have people to love." They're both wonderful people, with things they are good at and things they are not good at. Those things are different - I don't see the point in having carbon copies (twice the laundry!).

Your view seems very holistic, in tune with the universe as it were... I just have so much trouble figuring out how it works! :)