Small Town Shagrath
Well things have been stressful on my heart lately. Silly things really, but I tend to be sensitive in that area. CC and Rion don't really talk to me much anymore at all, I didn't really expect them to after all of this. I'm not worth any type of hassle, especially when there are beautiful girlfriends involved, but it still has been hard on me, especially since I was actually a friend of Rion's...or at least I thought I was...I tend to read to much into relationships...so I was probably wrong the entire time and he was just too nice to tell me to get lost. But of course my desperate and lonely heart has continued to pine for affection and love from someone God has created just for me, to complement me as He intended...and of course I have to get this crazy idea that a special person may be this lovely gentleman who comes in to pick up pizzas. He used to come in once in a blue moon, but lately he has been in once or even twice a week! Janet says she thinks he comes in to see me, but I'm not sure. My sister says "He likes pizza, not you!" That hurt...But I suppose it is good to hear the voice of reason. I'm sure she's right, but I still can't help wondering about it and thinking about him. He entrances me and I only know his last name...Bennett... He reminds me of Shagrath or Mustis from Dimmu Borgir, and a little of Ville from Sentenced, deliciously gothic in that oh so tasteful manner. I love that. In my opinion it is the best look for a guy. A sweet leather jacket, some studded bracelets, a wallet chain and a belt of bullet casings...Come on, what's not to like about those accessories? Honestly. You have to take my word for it, this guy is glorious. He wears band shirts that tell me our music tastes are very similar and he has long black hair that is so sleek and flowing it is absolutely ineffable. He came in last night, but I was already off work...I am heartbroken that I missed him...Did he come in to see me, or does he even notice that whenever he's there I always try to be at the register? I can't sleep since I'm always thinknig about him, which I know is ridiculous since I don't even know the guy and all it can possibly be right now is infatuation...But something has to be said for such a tug on the heart at so little...Or maybe I just want something to be said for that...Perhaps if he is interested too, then there is truly something to be said...But then again I'm not good at knowing what things should be said and at what times when it comes to matters of handsome young men with good taste in music and clothing (which is painfully superficial but that is all I know about him other than that he likes plain geonuggets). I'm looking for a man who loves God first and foremost, and one who can love and understand me in spite of my many imperfections and weaknesses. Is he out there? Or am I just so lonely and desperate that I have been blinded by my own foolishness? Cheers to you all, and special thanks to anyone who puts their two cents in.