Shagrath Lurks
Greetings. My Shagrath look alike, otherwise known as "Bennett" for the time being, made yet another appearance at Geo's on Saturday. Unfortunately it was the one day I was not working, so I missed him again. I told Janet on Friday that I had a feeling he was going to come in becuase I looked up his customer history in the computer and he had been coming in every five days. Well Saturday marked the fifth day, and sure enough, he came in and I missed him! I told Janet she should have let me work when I showed her the customer history, but she didn't have a place for me...So unless it is coincidence or he decides to break his pattern, I hope to see him on Thursday. He came in last Monday later in the evening, so I haven't totally ruled out an appearance today, but I think it is mostly impatience and consolation to myself. I know, this entry is pitiful. I don't even know this poor man's name, but I am practically stalking him from within the walls of a tiny little pizza place in the backwoods of Illinois. I have been so preoccupied by this man that I have had great difficulty eating and sleeping. I'm skinny enough, the last thing I need is to lose my appetite. I am engulfed by emotion and a feeling of helplessness as I miss his visits... But I at least have some buddies to help me through. Louisiana Ben and I have been bonding a lot online here, in fact I'm talking to him now. He is a really sweet guy and he has been helping me through and giving me confidence. It is nice to get the guy's perspective on the matter. Not only that I get private concerts from him on his geetar, what more could I ask for? I also see Eric tonight, we are still just friends and I have made it clear that things are going to be staying that way. We discussed the matter again on Saturday, in fact. I know he is really upset about it and that he does love me very much and is devoted to a fault, but I also am fairly certain that he is not the person for me. However, I know that our love and his companionship is important enough to work through this very difficult and awkward time so that we can still be really intimate friends and be able to hang out and enjoy one another in the future. I do not want to cut him out of my life, I always want to be there to help him and I will always love him and my gratitude to him is absolutely ineffable. My offering of friendship to him is not the classic shallow breakup line, but is truly an effort to preserve the love we have for one another on a different level. I believe that if we both strive for this that we can achieve it. My only fear right now is that if things work out with Bennett and me (which is highly unlikely) he will then make his exit from my life for good. I hope that this does not happen, but it is a good possibility. I have not even mentioned the guy to Eric at all because I don't think I need to unless something happens. We shall see what the future holds. Cheers!