how do you tell yourself to not fear?  how do you dispel fear from your heart?  anxiety?  how do you tell yourself it's okay to be hurt?  do you breathe in deep?  do you flatten your back on the floor, your legs, your arms, and tell yourself that you can't move from this position till you have mastered it?  do you cry, do you let it all out, do you ( Read more... )

i think i get a new freckle every day.  

sometimes you just feel like DOING some body hahahah.

I don't know what it is about college but it makes me feel very insecure.  I don't know if it's that I feel like if I make a wrong move my friends might hate me (which I don't really think is the case, I have great friends who are super nice and supportive) or that I gained a lot of weight last semester and was super gross (I've lost perhaps half ( Read more... )

i.....

hate....

my life....

right now.

i wish i was somewhere abroad right now.  but I don't even know how to go about doing that.  i have one friend, drea, who went to india, and then is now living in england, and then is finally coming back to the US in the fall or something I think.  i'm so jealous of that.  like i want to go out and do all these things and go abroad and expand my ( Read more... )

le sigh.

i hate it when you start dating someone, because you never know what the hell is going on. 

Sometimes, I really dislike my mother.  Sometimes, I dislike her so much one could almost say I hate her.  But then that small nugget of love hidden in my heart for her shines through and I remember that I don't.  Still, sometimes, I come so close ( Read more... )

i'm not really satisfied with where i am in my life right now.

i want to be in a place where i feel at home, and neither wyoming or binghamton ny is it.

sometimes i wonder if i'm dying.

but even if i was...i'd be okay with it.  not because i want to die, but because i try to make an effort in my life to not be afraid of death.