I am seeing a Psychiatrist two weeks from today. The mental health nurse who met with Dave and I today felt beyond a reason of a doubt that I need to be treated as soon as possible for an anxiety disorder and quite possible a mood disorder. She feels that all the repeated trauma of the past 3 years, along with the complete life change that came ( Read more... )

I am so sad...Jaspurr is gone and it's our fault.
We made the very hard to come to decision to have him put down tonight and it's eating me alive.
He had another (4th) Urinary blockage/crystals, that keep's coming back no matter what we try..He has been on special food for years and we have spent literally over a thousand dollars on him in the past ( Read more... )

I did have a great chat with my Dr. today, she doesn't think I have Postpartum Depression, but will keep watch to see if things change, for now she prefers the wait and see and ask for help and take my vitamins over jumping on the medication bandwagon. She says she see's lots and lots of mom's and I am reacting like almost all first time mom's ( Read more... )

I have a sneaking suspicion I will have to be  watched for post partum depression. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, me not being able to deal with things properly right now but they catch up to me anyways or low key depression, but I have been pretty down. Like really down, like crying for hours over the littlest thing. Crying so hard, ( Read more... )

The foul mood of last week does not seem to be lifiting, Maybe it's winter depression SAD or maybe it's hormones as my period should be due this weekend, but I don't typically get 2 full weeks of PMS so I will lean toward the weather. I just feel off.
Dave and I had a big fight yesterday-triggered over something retarded, where a shelf should be ( Read more... )

I am cursed. I was right ( Read more... )

Will it ever stop. Will it ever, ever, stop ( Read more... )

I hate the hand I have been delt in this life. I think I would be like super mom, I just look at Evan's little cloth diapers and cry. I should have a baby, I should be the cloth diapering, nursing, baby wearing momma I dreamed of being. I miss my little guy so very deeply it feels soul crushing some days. Then other days, I think it's all going to ( Read more... )

Oh I woke up to the most marvelous bright sunshine, its amazing how much the sun does for lifting my mood, lovely lovely Serotonin.
Better then yesterday, and last night, when I cried myself to sleep. Some day's I think the sun will never rise again over my destroyed heart, then other days I think I just might make it out alive.

Sad day...can't shake the sad, it stuck to me like static cling. I have been sitting around this house for 3 entire months, doing nothing, I need to get out, to walk, to jog, to swim, to be active old me cause I am not losing the post partum weight, I did the first two weeks, then it started slowly coming back..there is no excuse anymore, there is ( Read more... )