Have had some realizations that provided anti-shame.

I have had the realization that my work environment is toxic for me. That, if I switch jobs to a job where the environment isn't toxic, I'd feel better.

I have had the realization that if I moved, upon retirement, to a location where folks are of more humble means, like myself, I'll feel good ( Read more... )

Feel shame.

Some days feel it heavily. Some days feel it lightly. Some days are good days, and feel okay.

It manifests itself in a few categories: being a provider, comparing myself to "peers," comparing myself and where I am in life now as compared to where I thought I would be in life by now.
Still Standing

There is a show on prime, " ( Read more... )

I love My Little Family. So, I will try to do more at my job, but will set a limit.

So, sure, 45hr work weeks, doing 1hr extra a day, I am willing to do, to try to be worthy of being kept.

But I also realize, like from the scenes from the movie "Up In The Air" that if I do, say, 60hr work weeks to survive, then is it really the right thing to ( Read more... )

If I can survive until Jan2025, I will have reached a significant job milestone at my current employer.

As of a month ago, I was feeling in good/positive spirits about being able to attain the goal.

But

I found out a colleague will be taking "family care leave" starting later this month, for three months duration until Feb2025.

Oh, and the ( Read more... )

Shame

As the years add up on my personal odometer, I have started to feel Shame.

At first, I could not describe the feeling as shame. At first, I felt frustration, light self-loathing, at the mental mirror of myself, for my age, where I am in life, in terms of professional advancement, salary, position in society, how my little family is doing ( Read more... )