job security anxiety - job workload - stress - shame
If I can survive until Jan2025, I will have reached a significant job milestone at my current employer.
As of a month ago, I was feeling in good/positive spirits about being able to attain the goal.
But
I found out a colleague will be taking "family care leave" starting later this month, for three months duration until Feb2025.
Oh, and the best worst part? I've been assigned their duties.
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I was doing "okay" with my own job duties. My own job duties were taking up about 80% to 90% of my work time.
Once they leave? I am already dreading failing. Will try to be professional, and plan to ask my mgmt to decide what items/tasks to prioritize, when I get multiple concurrent tasks to do, which I am expecting to happen many times in the duration of three months, as they were at 80% to 90% themselves on their job duties.
But, now I am feeling anxious, dreading what seems inevitable: that I will drown. That I will be seen as a disappointment.
How nice for them! ...that their family care leave means they will have a wonderful Turkey Day, Xmas, New Year's, and possibly Valentine's away from work. I want people to get to enjoy their family care leave benefit my employer provides.
Bitterly: Just. Not. At. My. Expense!
I think justifiably: Feeling strong self pity party emotions: my Turkey Day, Xmas, New Year's, Valentine's all now feel ruined.
***
I feel like biblical Job for things like this: why is it _me_ that has to suffer like this, during the holiday season. Why couldn't the job duties be portioned out in pieces to the entire dept team, and not just me?!
So, instead of feeling like a technical professional with almost 20yrs experience at my employer, I feel like the night shift janitor with almost 20yrs at my employer: someone invisible, underappreciated, and only remembered if a trash can wasn't emptied, or a room seems to be left dirty : |
***
I am already anticipating the worst. That I will start to get mgmt feedback of the dreaded "Needs to Improve" on my annual review. That it will cascade. That I will be made redundant (a british expression).
To try to remind myself of the positives, I _did_ survive at a single employer, a national medical service provider, for over fifteen years. That I did see colleagues, via their linkedin and such, suffer job changes during a time when I was able to hold onto one.
BUT, it still sucks to be going through, no matter how many years it was going okay. Now, am not feeling okay.
***
What do you suggest I tell them
YOUTUBE: You're Fired (clips from the movie "Up In The Air").