I can't believe Carly did this after all that son of a bitch put her through. No, that's a lie. I can completely believe that Carly did this, I just can't believe that I'm going after her idiot husband's idiot friend to help figure this out so that she doesn't get herself killed.
People in my line of work aren't exactly supposed to be seen talking with the enemy. We're supposed to shoot first, and ask questions later when the family comes to I.D. the body. That's how its always been done, and thats how I should be doing it now. Instead I actually want to fucking talk to the fucking buddy, which makes me really fucking stupid or really fucking lovesick.
Whichever one it is, I'm still doing it.
"Hang on a second."
Oh, isn't that just spectacular? He's going to go call his agency while I stand out here and worry, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it because the only thing I have on me is a well hidden knife.
That just makes my entire week complete, doesn't it?
"You're the crazy lesbian chick, right?"Look at that, he'
( ... )
These Amazon chicks are so totally not cool. They're hot, but they're always way too into their power, or whatever. It so gets old in a hurry.
I tripped a little when she pushed past me, and my gun went off, putting a bullet hole in the wall. Dude. Why is she coming in my house?!
"I'm Lauren McCullough. Call me the crazy lesbian chick again, and I'll show you why I think the only thing the male race should be fucking is a toaster."
"Fine, Lauren. Whatever." Crazy lesbian chick. For real. No wonder Sammy never liked her. She's a crazy lesbian femminist... well, chick. Or something. Dude.
I want her out of my house though. I do not like the enemy in my place. I'm not Sammy. Even though Sammy didn't know... Whatever!
"That, however, is not what I'm here for. Everyone at the agency is talking about Carly and her husband. I thought I'd come by and see if you've heard from them.""Why should I tell you any of that?" Crazy Lesbian Chick wants to hear the deal. Oh please. Like I'm going to give up
( ... )
"Because I could have blown up your house and I didn't. I think that proves that I'm not looking to hurt anyone."
Not even Sam. The only harm I'd take joy from him having to endure would be a good, swift divorce. Carly is out of her mind. Initially, I knew that and liked it about her. I still do, but in my opinion there are better ways to channel her insanity. Ways that we could be working on together if Sam had never ruined it all by meeting up with her on that job in Rio.
I wanted that job. I knew they should have let me have it. But everyone thought Carly was more 'efficient' and so they chose her. Look at what happened. She's not going to be very efficient with a bullet in her head, now is she?
"All I know is, the house blew up, and they bolted. The way everyone's telling it, they're sticking together."...The house blew up? Shit. That sounds like something our side would do. It also sounds like something his side would do. Either way, if they went that far against Carly, it means she's
( ... )
... Wait here?! Dude, she cannot wait here! That's not cool in ways I don't think it's possible to explain! She can't hang here. She's totally nuts if she thinks that's cool.
"No. No, you can't stay here." Dude, if someone comes by from work, they're totally going to think I'm just as bad as Sammy. This is beyond not cool.
And even if someone from work doesn't end up here, this is just totally not cool anyway. What if she decides to kill me when I'm totally not looking? I still got the gun, but I could turn my back for half a second, and goodbye Madsen.
She can't stay here.
"Just because they're cool with each other for some crazy reason doesn't mean we're cool with each other. I'm sure Carly's going to come find you or what the hell ever."
If they're buds that much, then she will. And Sammy will contact me.
Funny how he missed the part where I didn't ask for his permission. I'm staying. I'll get out when I feel like it unless he decides to be a little more forceful. Forceful in the sense of him firing a bullet into me, not swinging a gun at me. He looks easy to disarm, it wouldn't sway me.
Taking his line of work into consideration, I should believe that he's planning on shooting me if I don't get out. Oddly enough, I don't buy that for a second. I don't think he has the balls to shoot someone who poses no threat to him for the time being. And a female someone, nonetheless. His professional lack of concern for my existence aside, it always has an effect on men when they're told to take out one of those.
They get depressed knowing that if they accomplish their mission one less woman will exist to be fucked. Madsen may know that I'm not interested, but its obvious that he sees me as a woman. He called me a chick when he answered the door.
I can use that.
"Just because they're cool with each other for
( ... )
"Look, if someone shows up at the door, I'll say I'm a friendly neighborhood stripper who got a taste of something she wanted seconds of."
Okay, anyone I know with half a brain? Totally wouldn't buy that. It's not the stripper part, 'cause that'd be cool. It's the part where she totally looks like this complete man hater. She's a hot chick, I'll give her that, but she's not the man loving kind of hot chick, and it's obvious.
Or at least to me, because I know who this chick is. Crazy chick who's sitting on my couch, and totally won't leave my house.
"And need I remind you that if you try to get me out of here...I do know where you live.""... Whatever, stay." I thought I heard moving upstairs, and looked up. "I'll be back in a second." I walked upstairs to check on my Mom, and opened the door as quietly as I could. She's still asleep. She usually isn't up for a little while longer, so I think as long as this shit doesn't take too long, I'm cool
( ... )
"... Whatever, stay. I'll be back in a second."He took a leap form wanting me out of the house to leaving me alone in here, didn't he? I have to admire the logic on that one, really. There's so much of it that isn't there
( ... )
So far. And I bet she's gotten extremely comfortable here in those few weeks, hasn't she? I bet her son's house is finally starting to feel like home to her. What's he going to do now that she's settled in, kick her out?
He's trapped. Unless he wants to win an award for being the worst little son on the face of the planet, Madsen is going to be stuck with his mother for a while. Possibly for the rest of his life. I can't be sure because I don't know the woman, but I know how mothers work. They can set off the guilt mechanism like no fucking other.
After all, they brought you into this world.
I just tell mine that I could take her out of it. No offense to Mom, but the favor of existence isn't the end all be all guilt trip that most people make it out to be. We're all here because our parents decided to brave the nine months of hell. Its no more special that my mom did it than it is that anyone else's did.
"I'm working out getting my sister to handle her soon."But I bet his sister has a lot going
( ... )
"Me then you." I looked at the dry cleaning in the back of the van that Carly had just started going through, and shrugged at her. "Whatever works." Because I doubt Madsen has something for us to wear in there.
Might check once we get inside, but I really doubt it.
I grabbed a bowling shirt, and a pair of pants, and got those on, then got out of the van.
And exactly three seconds later, someone walked out of the house. Someone definitely not Madsen, because they were blonde, female, and definitely not my best friend.
Shit, what the hell is Lauren doing here?!
"Whoa, hang on a second." I put both my hands up just enough for her to see them, and didn't move. "She's in the van, she's getting dressed. She'll be out in a second."
And Madsen came out just behind Lauren.
"Sammy, dude, took you long enough getting here.""We got a little held up." He looks a lot less annoyed with Lauren standing next to him than he should be. This is freakin' disturbing. They were both waiting for us in the same place
( ... )
Sam can take the blame if I die. I think that'll bug him now, so I want him to have it. If anything happens to me and Madsen finally takes my life, I want Sam to feel guilty for the rest of his because he was dumb enough to insist that we come here instead of going off on our own and making a plan.
Or just going off on our own, period. I don't know why Sam hasn't brought that up yet. You would think it might have crossed his mind by now, but if it has, he isn't saying anything about it, so I guess I'm not either.
But this is going to get uglier than a blown up house, and when it does, I think we should both remember that we have that to fall back on. We've survived this much, but they're going to come at us twice as hard if they think we're together again.
And last I checked, we are.
God damnit, why did it have to be bowling? I know our neighbors are dull, that was supposed to be the whole point, but bowling?
I hate them. So much.
"Whatever works."I think I like being half naked better,
( ... )
Sammy, dude, what is with the bowling clothes? Totally lousy disguise. And I know we covered that enough when we were getting trained. You almost had way too much fun with it.
So what's with the get ups?
"Carly? Can you get out here? Looks like Madsen's not alone."
"Yeah, sorry dude."
Amazon chick needs to lower the gun. I'm not waiting for Snowflake to get out here so I can shoot her, she needs to show a little respect. Totally not asking too much, since I've already had her in my house infecting the place with her Amazonyness.
Not pointing the gun at my best friend? Totally a small thing, since he's not pointing any guns at her. Infecting my place with the Amazonyness? Totally a huge thing.
Oh look, here's the Snowflake. In the same kind of outfit.
"Dude, what's with the clothes?"
"Don't ask."
"What made the two of you decide to wait for us together?"
"She showed up here to wait for you," I nodded over to Lauren. "And she decided to stick around," And infect. "In case you guys showed up here." Which, they did
( ... )
"She showed up here to wait for you. And she decided to stick around. In case you guys showed up here."
That was almost civil of him. The irritation in his voice is still there, but he didn't slam me on the summary. Not bad for a guy like him. I'm almost impressed.
Less impressive is his buddy in the bowling shirt, and my ex-girlfriend. Jesus Christ, they didn't think to pack a bag while they were on the run from our teams?
I could have done a lot better with Carly than Sam did on this, that goes without fucking saying.
"So what happened, dude?"
"We worked out our differences."Translation: she fucked him and now he thinks its all better. Men. They think sex is the solution to everything
( ... )
He told Lauren about his mother being there? Willingly? Usually it's pulling teeth to get him to tell anyone, what the hell did she do to him?
I swear to God, if the female Hannibal Lecter broke my best friend on top of everything else that's going on right now, I will figure out a way somehow to get her back for it. It'd be a long time coming for all the crap she gives me.
Carly might agree to letting me do it. If I give her something in return. Something that's, y'know, not Madsen's life.
... I'd figure it out.
"Lower the gun, dude, let's go."
"Joykill."
Is it just me, or is them getting along getting more and more creepy to look at?
"And I'm not a dude."And that was a hell of a lot less abrasive than what I usually hear out of her. Unless I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. It'd be kind of nice to be wrong about this, I could definitely live with it
( ... )
"Dude, they're pissed, what else would be the deal? Nobody knows that you two are sticking together yet. And I'm sure after whatever you guys just pulled, they're going to be even more into tracking you."Exactly. Now they're going to throw twice as much shit at us because we look like a threat to them. First and foremost, they want us dead. If they can't have dead, then they want us separated. They've seen what we can do together, and they probably wouldn't be opposed to losing the amount of men that they will when they take us out because then we'll be made an example of. The attachments clause is going to come back and kick us in the ass
( ... )
"No. I can almost guarantee you that there are about two hundred people being briefed on this as we speak--with more being contacted by the minute."
"Probably more."
It's a totally serious deal, but I look at Sammy, and I don't see him freaking too much. Which I think is 'cause he thinks as long as he has The Snowflake, it's all cool, and they're going to make it out.
Which, dude, I know I'm not the only one thinking that kind of shit is usually reserved for the movies.
Sammy can usually be realistic pretty fast, but The Snowflake's got his mind clouded now, or something. You can even see him totally mentally dropping everything now because she looks off.
Like he doesn't know why.
"You okay?"
"No."
At least she's honest.
"Are you?"
He thinks he's going to be, I know that much. And I also know if she ditches him, he's dead. I'll totally do everything I can to help him, I'm supposed to, I'm his best friend.
But he will totally just... Unless he manages to shut down like I think she will, dude, he is just... So dead.
People in my line of work aren't exactly supposed to be seen talking with the enemy. We're supposed to shoot first, and ask questions later when the family comes to I.D. the body. That's how its always been done, and thats how I should be doing it now. Instead I actually want to fucking talk to the fucking buddy, which makes me really fucking stupid or really fucking lovesick.
Whichever one it is, I'm still doing it.
"Hang on a second."
Oh, isn't that just spectacular? He's going to go call his agency while I stand out here and worry, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it because the only thing I have on me is a well hidden knife.
That just makes my entire week complete, doesn't it?
"You're the crazy lesbian chick, right?"Look at that, he' ( ... )
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These Amazon chicks are so totally not cool. They're hot, but they're always way too into their power, or whatever. It so gets old in a hurry.
I tripped a little when she pushed past me, and my gun went off, putting a bullet hole in the wall. Dude. Why is she coming in my house?!
"I'm Lauren McCullough. Call me the crazy lesbian chick again, and I'll show you why I think the only thing the male race should be fucking is a toaster."
"Fine, Lauren. Whatever." Crazy lesbian chick. For real. No wonder Sammy never liked her. She's a crazy lesbian femminist... well, chick. Or something. Dude.
I want her out of my house though. I do not like the enemy in my place. I'm not Sammy. Even though Sammy didn't know... Whatever!
"That, however, is not what I'm here for. Everyone at the agency is talking about Carly and her husband. I thought I'd come by and see if you've heard from them.""Why should I tell you any of that?" Crazy Lesbian Chick wants to hear the deal. Oh please. Like I'm going to give up ( ... )
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"Because I could have blown up your house and I didn't. I think that proves that I'm not looking to hurt anyone."
Not even Sam. The only harm I'd take joy from him having to endure would be a good, swift divorce. Carly is out of her mind. Initially, I knew that and liked it about her. I still do, but in my opinion there are better ways to channel her insanity. Ways that we could be working on together if Sam had never ruined it all by meeting up with her on that job in Rio.
I wanted that job. I knew they should have let me have it. But everyone thought Carly was more 'efficient' and so they chose her. Look at what happened. She's not going to be very efficient with a bullet in her head, now is she?
"All I know is, the house blew up, and they bolted. The way everyone's telling it, they're sticking together."...The house blew up? Shit. That sounds like something our side would do. It also sounds like something his side would do. Either way, if they went that far against Carly, it means she's ( ... )
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She'll wait? Wait where?
... Wait here?! Dude, she cannot wait here! That's not cool in ways I don't think it's possible to explain! She can't hang here. She's totally nuts if she thinks that's cool.
"No. No, you can't stay here." Dude, if someone comes by from work, they're totally going to think I'm just as bad as Sammy. This is beyond not cool.
And even if someone from work doesn't end up here, this is just totally not cool anyway. What if she decides to kill me when I'm totally not looking? I still got the gun, but I could turn my back for half a second, and goodbye Madsen.
She can't stay here.
"Just because they're cool with each other for some crazy reason doesn't mean we're cool with each other. I'm sure Carly's going to come find you or what the hell ever."
If they're buds that much, then she will. And Sammy will contact me.
Seperate from her. Completely seperate.
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Funny how he missed the part where I didn't ask for his permission. I'm staying. I'll get out when I feel like it unless he decides to be a little more forceful. Forceful in the sense of him firing a bullet into me, not swinging a gun at me. He looks easy to disarm, it wouldn't sway me.
Taking his line of work into consideration, I should believe that he's planning on shooting me if I don't get out. Oddly enough, I don't buy that for a second. I don't think he has the balls to shoot someone who poses no threat to him for the time being. And a female someone, nonetheless. His professional lack of concern for my existence aside, it always has an effect on men when they're told to take out one of those.
They get depressed knowing that if they accomplish their mission one less woman will exist to be fucked. Madsen may know that I'm not interested, but its obvious that he sees me as a woman. He called me a chick when he answered the door.
I can use that.
"Just because they're cool with each other for ( ... )
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Dude, get out anyway.
"Look, if someone shows up at the door, I'll say I'm a friendly neighborhood stripper who got a taste of something she wanted seconds of."
Okay, anyone I know with half a brain? Totally wouldn't buy that. It's not the stripper part, 'cause that'd be cool. It's the part where she totally looks like this complete man hater. She's a hot chick, I'll give her that, but she's not the man loving kind of hot chick, and it's obvious.
Or at least to me, because I know who this chick is. Crazy chick who's sitting on my couch, and totally won't leave my house.
"And need I remind you that if you try to get me out of here...I do know where you live.""... Whatever, stay." I thought I heard moving upstairs, and looked up. "I'll be back in a second." I walked upstairs to check on my Mom, and opened the door as quietly as I could. She's still asleep. She usually isn't up for a little while longer, so I think as long as this shit doesn't take too long, I'm cool ( ... )
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Dude, it has not been years! I am not that sort of dude ( ... )
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So far. And I bet she's gotten extremely comfortable here in those few weeks, hasn't she? I bet her son's house is finally starting to feel like home to her. What's he going to do now that she's settled in, kick her out?
He's trapped. Unless he wants to win an award for being the worst little son on the face of the planet, Madsen is going to be stuck with his mother for a while. Possibly for the rest of his life. I can't be sure because I don't know the woman, but I know how mothers work. They can set off the guilt mechanism like no fucking other.
After all, they brought you into this world.
I just tell mine that I could take her out of it. No offense to Mom, but the favor of existence isn't the end all be all guilt trip that most people make it out to be. We're all here because our parents decided to brave the nine months of hell. Its no more special that my mom did it than it is that anyone else's did.
"I'm working out getting my sister to handle her soon."But I bet his sister has a lot going ( ... )
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"Me then you." I looked at the dry cleaning in the back of the van that Carly had just started going through, and shrugged at her. "Whatever works." Because I doubt Madsen has something for us to wear in there.
Might check once we get inside, but I really doubt it.
I grabbed a bowling shirt, and a pair of pants, and got those on, then got out of the van.
And exactly three seconds later, someone walked out of the house. Someone definitely not Madsen, because they were blonde, female, and definitely not my best friend.
Shit, what the hell is Lauren doing here?!
"Whoa, hang on a second." I put both my hands up just enough for her to see them, and didn't move. "She's in the van, she's getting dressed. She'll be out in a second."
And Madsen came out just behind Lauren.
"Sammy, dude, took you long enough getting here.""We got a little held up." He looks a lot less annoyed with Lauren standing next to him than he should be. This is freakin' disturbing. They were both waiting for us in the same place ( ... )
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"If you say so."
Sam can take the blame if I die. I think that'll bug him now, so I want him to have it. If anything happens to me and Madsen finally takes my life, I want Sam to feel guilty for the rest of his because he was dumb enough to insist that we come here instead of going off on our own and making a plan.
Or just going off on our own, period. I don't know why Sam hasn't brought that up yet. You would think it might have crossed his mind by now, but if it has, he isn't saying anything about it, so I guess I'm not either.
But this is going to get uglier than a blown up house, and when it does, I think we should both remember that we have that to fall back on. We've survived this much, but they're going to come at us twice as hard if they think we're together again.
And last I checked, we are.
God damnit, why did it have to be bowling? I know our neighbors are dull, that was supposed to be the whole point, but bowling?
I hate them. So much.
"Whatever works."I think I like being half naked better, ( ... )
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So what's with the get ups?
"Carly? Can you get out here? Looks like Madsen's not alone."
"Yeah, sorry dude."
Amazon chick needs to lower the gun. I'm not waiting for Snowflake to get out here so I can shoot her, she needs to show a little respect. Totally not asking too much, since I've already had her in my house infecting the place with her Amazonyness.
Not pointing the gun at my best friend? Totally a small thing, since he's not pointing any guns at her. Infecting my place with the Amazonyness? Totally a huge thing.
Oh look, here's the Snowflake. In the same kind of outfit.
"Dude, what's with the clothes?"
"Don't ask."
"What made the two of you decide to wait for us together?"
"She showed up here to wait for you," I nodded over to Lauren. "And she decided to stick around," And infect. "In case you guys showed up here." Which, they did ( ... )
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That was almost civil of him. The irritation in his voice is still there, but he didn't slam me on the summary. Not bad for a guy like him. I'm almost impressed.
Less impressive is his buddy in the bowling shirt, and my ex-girlfriend. Jesus Christ, they didn't think to pack a bag while they were on the run from our teams?
I could have done a lot better with Carly than Sam did on this, that goes without fucking saying.
"So what happened, dude?"
"We worked out our differences."Translation: she fucked him and now he thinks its all better. Men. They think sex is the solution to everything ( ... )
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"Maybe your Mom can make them some coffee."
...
He told Lauren about his mother being there? Willingly? Usually it's pulling teeth to get him to tell anyone, what the hell did she do to him?
I swear to God, if the female Hannibal Lecter broke my best friend on top of everything else that's going on right now, I will figure out a way somehow to get her back for it. It'd be a long time coming for all the crap she gives me.
Carly might agree to letting me do it. If I give her something in return. Something that's, y'know, not Madsen's life.
... I'd figure it out.
"Lower the gun, dude, let's go."
"Joykill."
Is it just me, or is them getting along getting more and more creepy to look at?
"And I'm not a dude."And that was a hell of a lot less abrasive than what I usually hear out of her. Unless I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. It'd be kind of nice to be wrong about this, I could definitely live with it ( ... )
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"Probably more."
It's a totally serious deal, but I look at Sammy, and I don't see him freaking too much. Which I think is 'cause he thinks as long as he has The Snowflake, it's all cool, and they're going to make it out.
Which, dude, I know I'm not the only one thinking that kind of shit is usually reserved for the movies.
Sammy can usually be realistic pretty fast, but The Snowflake's got his mind clouded now, or something. You can even see him totally mentally dropping everything now because she looks off.
Like he doesn't know why.
"You okay?"
"No."
At least she's honest.
"Are you?"
He thinks he's going to be, I know that much. And I also know if she ditches him, he's dead. I'll totally do everything I can to help him, I'm supposed to, I'm his best friend.
But he will totally just... Unless he manages to shut down like I think she will, dude, he is just... So dead.
"This ( ... )
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