Things I don't grok (on cross-gender friendships)
Girl Talk: Should I Be Jealous Of His Female Friends? -- it was the comments I found especially noteworthy, really. Although plenty of commenters express that they're ok with their partners having friends of a different gender, a large number seem to consider it so normal not to accept this that it's almost taken-for-granted (especially the
( Read more... )
I think one of the things that surprises me the most is that somewhere along the way I've ended up with more female friends than male. I strongly suspect it's largely an artifact of spending so much time/energy within the feminist activist community -- there's an unsurprising gender imbalance there that gets reflected in my closer social life. Although, coming to think of it, I've more often had male housemates than female over the years, which rather reflects my historic patterns.
I am so much happier now, in both a poly relationship and one in which the gender of my friendships is completely irrelevant. As you said, I'm trusted to behave in a manner that is in line with my relationship rules. The gender of the people I'm with makes absolutely no difference.
*nod* Exactly. This is the dynamic that makes intuitive sense to me, and tends to be how my life works as well.
I have a coworker whose husband owned a roofing business. His employees would meet outside his house in the morning, then carpool to the job site. She wasn't allowed to go outside while they were all milling about, because "I don't want you talking to them." She's not allowed to talk to men, and has on many occasions said that if her husband knew how she hung out with the guys at work and talked and teased them, she'd be "in big trouble."
*nod* That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about. It's just so utterly foreign to me.
Reply
Leave a comment