Things I don't grok (on cross-gender friendships)
Girl Talk: Should I Be Jealous Of His Female Friends? -- it was the comments I found especially noteworthy, really. Although plenty of commenters express that they're ok with their partners having friends of a different gender, a large number seem to consider it so normal not to accept this that it's almost taken-for-granted (especially the
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Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
Now, in a lot of ways, I do agree with this characterization, because given opportunity and the absence of an ethical repercussion, I would sleep with most of my female friends. This breaks down as follows:
1) single, not interested in me. A little awkward for awhile, but I've gotten used to that.
2) closed relationship. See "ethical repercussions," above. I don't "steal" women (which is a ridiculous term, but there it is).
3) single (or open relationship), interested in me. No problem.
This is where I disagree with the movie - I don't consider sex to be anathema to friendship.
Friendship with someone you have a sexual interest in may be different from friendship with someone you don't, but I certainly don't see it as impossible. As to friendship with someone you're sleeping with...well, if you weren't friends in the first place, why would you be sleeping with them?
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This is where I disagree with the movie - I don't consider sex to be anathema to friendship.
Friendship with someone you have a sexual interest in may be different from friendship with someone you don't, but I certainly don't see it as impossible. As to friendship with someone you're sleeping with...well, if you weren't friends in the first place, why would you be sleeping with them?
*nod* That part makes perfect sense to me.
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