It's taking every ounce of mental and physical energy to leave home and go to university to paint ( Read more... )

Insomnia? Check ( Read more... )

Tonight is going to be long.

I can't sleep because my thoughts are preoccupied with the household finances.

I'm frustrated because I feel powerless. I hate it. I hate this. It's not fair. It's not. 

Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. All day.

Fuck.

My heart is pounding. I can't concentrate or focus. Constructing basic sentence is a challenge.
Having trouble breathing.

Going to bed. Sleep. Sleeping is all I can do now.

Bad manic day. What kept me together was painting.

I still ask myself what's the point? I want this to end.

By this, I mean this mania. I just want it to end. Any day now. Any minute. Any second.

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Can you change, if you don't have courage in the first place? Can you find courage if you don't embrace change?

I'm feeling a bit down, lost and hopeless.

I can do this. I can control this. I can do it. I think I can.

I'm the Little Engine that Could.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.

One day, I'll read this book to my child. 

I wish I knew.

I wish I was normal.

I wish people would do their own homework about bipolar instead of me having to explain what it is and what does it do to me. 

I was manic yesterday. I'm manic today.

All these thoughts trying to get out of my head.

I want this to stop. I can't self destruct. Going to lie down in bed. 

I admit that I am still going through a manic period. Lessons learned today are ( Read more... )

I woke up at 6.30 am, did the dishes, stretched, answered some emails, emailed my professor, swam, showered and now I am getting ready to leave to run some errands and then I'm seeing my therapist at 2 pm ( Read more... )