Fic: Therapy (Jason Todd)
Title: Therapy
Fandom: DC/Marvel crossover
Characters/Pairings: Jason Todd, Charles Xavier, Jason/Cass/Steph discussed
Rating: R for dark themes
Words: 2459
Summary: Jason takes Bruce's last advice.
Author's Notes: This spins out of Battle for the Cowl #3, where Bruce's last message mentioned a doctor that could help Jason get to the root of his childhood trauma. This takes place a few months after the events of No One Dies in Crime Alley, the last in my series of Jason/Cass/Steph fics, allowing for something resembling Battle for the Cowl to have happened in the interim - minus OOC Jason insanity, of course.
Warning: This fic deals with severe child abuse, including sexual. If this is a trigger for anyone, I want to make sure it doesn't catch them by surprise.
Jason didn't even know why he had tried to contend for the cowl. He didn't want it. Being Batman came with responsibilities and hardships that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, and he was happy with the life he had carved out for himself with Cass and Steph. As much as he hated to admit it, it probably had a lot to do with what Bruce's last message had brought up. Not that he wanted to deal with that. He had spent most of the last few weeks fighting off nightmares and trying to drink away the memories. It wasn't until Steph felt compelled to stage an intervention that he decided to take the old man's advice and seek out this mysterious "Doctor" who could supposedly help him. He was skeptical, to say the least, but he still found himself at the odd mansion in Westchester.
Ah, Jason. Bruce told me you'd be coming eventually. Come in. I'm in the library."
Jason nearly jumped three feet into the air as the voice popped into his head. His hand instinctively went to his knife.
"Look, I don't know how you pulled that off, but - "
I'm a telepath. I sensed your presence and decided to introduce myself. I apologize for startling you.
"Just...hold off on the talking until we meet face to face, huh? I don't like people in my head. Ever."
Jason walked into the mansion. He could hear the sounds of sparring and what sounded like explosions coming from a locked door. A hairy man smoking a cigar walked by and glared at him. Jason was suddenly filled with the intense desire to fight that man, but figured he should keep moving. He opened the door to the library and walked in. A middle-aged bald man in a wheelchair was sipping a scotch.
"I see you found me. Welcome. My name is Dr. Charles Xavier."
"Wait, the mutant doctor?" Jason asked suspiciously. "You know I'm human, right? I don't know why Bruce sent me here."
"I may specialize in mutants, but almost all the kids who come here have some deep-seated psychological trauma in their past. Some were victims of anti-mutant prejudice, others suffered traumatic experiences when their powers manifested for the first time." Xavier smiled knowingly at Jason. "That man you encountered in the hallway was formerly a brainwashed assassin for the Weapon X program. I work with most of our students one-on-one to help them move past this trauma however they need to. For some, they need to forgive themselves. For others, they need to let go of the hate. And some...just need to face what they've been hiding from one last time in order to move on."
Jason tightened his grip on the armrest of the sofa. "How much do you know, exactly?"
"Nothing more than what Batman told me. He explained the circumstances of your resurrection, and your current situation. He did not give me any details of the trauma he mentioned, except to tell me that he believed this is the source of most of your problems. He said that it was your secret to reveal, when you were ready."
"That's funny, he never thought to talk to me about any of this. That's just like the old man - wait until he's dead to open up a dialogue. " Jason snarled. "I still don't know anything about you. How do I know I can trust you?"
"You wouldn't be here if you weren't at least interested in finding out." Xavier said knowingly. "I don't expect you to open the deepest wounds right away. I'd like to simply get to know you, so you feel comfortable enough to explore these issues with me. We can begin anywhere you'd like."
"You pick. Spin the wheel o' therapy, Doc."
"Very well. Before we begin, I'm simply going to stimulate your brain telepathically. I will not be influencing you in any way, simply opening you up to stimuli. As we discuss these topics, your subconscious will be drawn forward, allowing you to see what you truly associate with these topics. Do I have your permission?"
"Yeah, sure. Might as well go for the full experience, if I'm here, right?"
"Very well. We'll begin."
Jason felt a slight buzzing in the back of his head, nothing too strong. All of a sudden, the images he had in his mind seemed more vivid, as if he was seeing them through a third eye.
"Very well. Let's start by talking about your brothers. I know you've had...conflict with them in the past."
"That's putting it lightly."
Xavier nodded. "How do you feel about them now?"
"Dick likes to pretend to be the good son, and he's just like the old man - in ways he'd never want to be. He's arrogant, judgemental, and quick to dismiss people once they've disappointed him. He's shown loyalty to his friends in the Titans...but I'll never forgive him for the way he treated Cass while she was recovering from Deathstroke's drugs. And Tim's the same way. He's caught up in his own drama with the Titans, and treated Steph like crap after she returned. I never really wanted to kill either of them, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was pretty satisfying to lay a beatdown on them."
Xavier nodded, letting Jason continue to speak.
"A part of me thinks I was lucky I never got to be a Teen Titan. It does something to you. They both found a new family, and forgot that they already have one. When Jericho goes evil and tries to kill the President, everyone tries to save him and make sure he's not blamed for going insane. But when Batgirl's mind is poisoned, everyone's ready to write her off. Maybe if she had more people looking out for her, she wouldn't be in that chair right now."
"Do you blame them for her injury?"
"Not really. I blamed everyone at some point. Myself more often than not. Hell, I spent a lot more time looking for people to blame than she did. But I'm just saying - there's a lot of bad things happening to our people right here in Gotham, and at some point they stopped caring." Jason paused. "They did reach out to me a while back, before everything that happened with Batman. I thought we were making some progress. Then this stupid fight pretty much set everything back a few hundred years."
"You've pulled away from the vigilante activities for the time being, correct?"
"Yeah. Ever since the battle went down, I felt like it was time. I'd already been doing it less for a while now. It kind of has a little less appeal when you have somewhere else you'd rather be spending the night, you know?"
Xavier smiled. "I assume you're referring to Cassandra and Stephanie?"
"Yeah. I haven't been in many relationships, so I don't know if what we have is anything resembling 'normal', but it works for all of us."
"Tell me a little about them. I can sense they're a large part of the reason you're here today."
"Most days, I wake up, and I still can't believe I'm with them. Steph...is what I wish I could be. She's got the traumatic childhood, the rejection by Batman, and yet she's never lost sight of who she is. She's got a lot of reason to hate, but she never seems to be weighed down by it. She doesn't look nearly as tough as she is, but she's what holds us together most days. Then there's Cass, who continues to amaze me. I can't even imagine what she's been going through since she got hurt, but I like to think I've helped where I can. She still doesn't talk all that much, but when she does, it's like she can cut right to my soul with a few words. I don't think I've ever felt like someone understood me until I met her." Jason shook his head. "God, if they could see me now, talking sap about them, they'd think it was hilarious."
Xavier nodded, jotting down a few notes. "Shall we move on to the subject that's beating at your subconscious right now? The man who started all this?"
"Bruce? You want to talk about Bruce? Do you have two weeks?"
"Let's see how far we can get."
"Where do I start? Everyone thinks I hate him, and I won't lie and say there's not a part of me that doesn't. He was the most arrogant, judgmental asshole I've ever met, and he wouldn't tolerate anyone who had a different idea of justice than he did. Everyone forgets that I didn't take the fight to him, he took it to me. I was cleaning out Gotham permanently, and in his eyes that made me the villain. No one ever asked him how many kids are going to get hooked on crack because he wouldn't let me ice that drug dealer. No one ever does."
"And yet, it sounds like your feelings about him are rather complex."
Jason shrugged. "Well, yeah. I was living on the streets. Stealing to survive. He took me in, gave me a purpose - for as long as it lasted. I owe him that. I don't know where I'd be now if he hadn't given me that chance, but I'm betting I never would have met my girls, for one thing. I just don't know why he turned on me like that. In Bruce's world, it was all or nothing. Either you were down with his mission, or you were the enemy. But if he took me in in the first place, after what I did..."
Jason's head shot up as he realized what he had said. Xavier didn't seem surprised, however. He just sat there, looking at Jason knowingly.
"Forget I said anything." Jason growled.
"Jason, you clearly came here because you need to get something off your chest. You will never have a safer atmosphere to share this secret."
"This is something I've never told anyone. Not even Cass or Steph. Not even Bruce, although he knew. So if I find out it left this room..."
"You would not imagine the secrets I have stored in here." Xavier lightly tapped his head. "You have nothing to worry about."
"Alright. Bruce probably told you I was living on the streets when he found me. But that's not where my story begins. I grew up in the system...which in Gotham, is a really bad place to be. You might have heard of the old Tricorner orphanage?"
"Ah, yes. The one that was shut down after a fire?"
"Exactly."
Xavier held back his expression of shock as he realized what Jason was implying. "Go on."
"I was 11 when it started happening. The orphanage was short on funds, and some of the less savory employees realized that there was always a lucrative market for young boys in Gotham. They started bringing in their 'clients'. You'd be surprised by some of the names on the list. Captains of industry, politicians, philanthropists...all coming to have a little fun with boys who were too scared to say no. Finally, it was enough. One night, I helped the other boys break out while the employees were on their smoke break. I had already frigged with the furnace enough to create a gas leak. The kind that would be triggered by a lit match, if you get my drift."
Xavier nodded. "The police never were able to figure out how those employees were killed, but no bodies of the children were found."
"I don't have any regrets, in case you're wondering. They were preying on children. They had to die. I never told anyone. The kids I helped escape...they knew how to keep a secret. I assumed it would stay buried until the day I died, but one day, about a year after Bruce took me in, I found a file of his. He had all the details about the fire, with all the evidence that pointed to me. I didn't know how long he had it, or when he figured it out. I was sure the other shoe was going to drop any second, that he was going to throw me out or worse, put me in prison. But he never mentioned it, until the day I died." Jason paused, rubbing his temples. "Why? Why would he keep that to himself? I don't get it. He always seemed so unforgiving, so judgmental, but he took me in, knowing what I had done. It doesn't make any sense."
Xavier wheeled over, putting his hand on Jason's shoulder. "Perhaps he simply understood. What you did was not out of malice or hatred. It was simply a desperate boy's only move to survive. I am certain, given Bruce's own childhood trauma, that he could see this, and had no desire to make you relive it. I am sorry you won't get the chance to talk it over with him, but he forgave you for this long ago. Perhaps it is time you try forgiving yourself."
Jason smiled wryly. "The old man knew what he was talking about. You are good."
"Thank you. I'm afraid I have a meeting with one of my students soon, but feel free to come back any time. I hope you'll feel free to live your life now, without the specter of the past haunting you. It seems you've carved out a life for yourself, and I'm sure you'll be wanting to get back to it.
Jason nodded and walked towards the door. As he left, he saw a boy, only a few years younger than him, waiting nervously. The young man had bright golden skin, but more than that, Jason could see the same feelings of guilt, resentment, and suspicion that he knew had covered his face for a long time.
"Hey, kid - you're going to see the Doc?"
"Yeah." The golden boy shrugged. "He says I've got some issues to work out. Whatever."
"Give him a chance. You never know, he's pretty good."
As Xavier called for the young man to come into his office, Jason stepped out of the mansion into the afternoon sun. It had been a strange, emotionally grueling day, but he felt more ready to face the rest of his life than he ever had. He wanted nothing more than to get back to Cass and Steph, and to the life he had come to love. Maybe one day he would share with them what he had spoken with Xavier about, but not today. Right now, he wanted to look towards the future.
Fandom: DC/Marvel crossover
Characters/Pairings: Jason Todd, Charles Xavier, Jason/Cass/Steph discussed
Rating: R for dark themes
Words: 2459
Summary: Jason takes Bruce's last advice.
Author's Notes: This spins out of Battle for the Cowl #3, where Bruce's last message mentioned a doctor that could help Jason get to the root of his childhood trauma. This takes place a few months after the events of No One Dies in Crime Alley, the last in my series of Jason/Cass/Steph fics, allowing for something resembling Battle for the Cowl to have happened in the interim - minus OOC Jason insanity, of course.
Warning: This fic deals with severe child abuse, including sexual. If this is a trigger for anyone, I want to make sure it doesn't catch them by surprise.
Jason didn't even know why he had tried to contend for the cowl. He didn't want it. Being Batman came with responsibilities and hardships that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, and he was happy with the life he had carved out for himself with Cass and Steph. As much as he hated to admit it, it probably had a lot to do with what Bruce's last message had brought up. Not that he wanted to deal with that. He had spent most of the last few weeks fighting off nightmares and trying to drink away the memories. It wasn't until Steph felt compelled to stage an intervention that he decided to take the old man's advice and seek out this mysterious "Doctor" who could supposedly help him. He was skeptical, to say the least, but he still found himself at the odd mansion in Westchester.
Ah, Jason. Bruce told me you'd be coming eventually. Come in. I'm in the library."
Jason nearly jumped three feet into the air as the voice popped into his head. His hand instinctively went to his knife.
"Look, I don't know how you pulled that off, but - "
I'm a telepath. I sensed your presence and decided to introduce myself. I apologize for startling you.
"Just...hold off on the talking until we meet face to face, huh? I don't like people in my head. Ever."
Jason walked into the mansion. He could hear the sounds of sparring and what sounded like explosions coming from a locked door. A hairy man smoking a cigar walked by and glared at him. Jason was suddenly filled with the intense desire to fight that man, but figured he should keep moving. He opened the door to the library and walked in. A middle-aged bald man in a wheelchair was sipping a scotch.
"I see you found me. Welcome. My name is Dr. Charles Xavier."
"Wait, the mutant doctor?" Jason asked suspiciously. "You know I'm human, right? I don't know why Bruce sent me here."
"I may specialize in mutants, but almost all the kids who come here have some deep-seated psychological trauma in their past. Some were victims of anti-mutant prejudice, others suffered traumatic experiences when their powers manifested for the first time." Xavier smiled knowingly at Jason. "That man you encountered in the hallway was formerly a brainwashed assassin for the Weapon X program. I work with most of our students one-on-one to help them move past this trauma however they need to. For some, they need to forgive themselves. For others, they need to let go of the hate. And some...just need to face what they've been hiding from one last time in order to move on."
Jason tightened his grip on the armrest of the sofa. "How much do you know, exactly?"
"Nothing more than what Batman told me. He explained the circumstances of your resurrection, and your current situation. He did not give me any details of the trauma he mentioned, except to tell me that he believed this is the source of most of your problems. He said that it was your secret to reveal, when you were ready."
"That's funny, he never thought to talk to me about any of this. That's just like the old man - wait until he's dead to open up a dialogue. " Jason snarled. "I still don't know anything about you. How do I know I can trust you?"
"You wouldn't be here if you weren't at least interested in finding out." Xavier said knowingly. "I don't expect you to open the deepest wounds right away. I'd like to simply get to know you, so you feel comfortable enough to explore these issues with me. We can begin anywhere you'd like."
"You pick. Spin the wheel o' therapy, Doc."
"Very well. Before we begin, I'm simply going to stimulate your brain telepathically. I will not be influencing you in any way, simply opening you up to stimuli. As we discuss these topics, your subconscious will be drawn forward, allowing you to see what you truly associate with these topics. Do I have your permission?"
"Yeah, sure. Might as well go for the full experience, if I'm here, right?"
"Very well. We'll begin."
Jason felt a slight buzzing in the back of his head, nothing too strong. All of a sudden, the images he had in his mind seemed more vivid, as if he was seeing them through a third eye.
"Very well. Let's start by talking about your brothers. I know you've had...conflict with them in the past."
"That's putting it lightly."
Xavier nodded. "How do you feel about them now?"
"Dick likes to pretend to be the good son, and he's just like the old man - in ways he'd never want to be. He's arrogant, judgemental, and quick to dismiss people once they've disappointed him. He's shown loyalty to his friends in the Titans...but I'll never forgive him for the way he treated Cass while she was recovering from Deathstroke's drugs. And Tim's the same way. He's caught up in his own drama with the Titans, and treated Steph like crap after she returned. I never really wanted to kill either of them, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it was pretty satisfying to lay a beatdown on them."
Xavier nodded, letting Jason continue to speak.
"A part of me thinks I was lucky I never got to be a Teen Titan. It does something to you. They both found a new family, and forgot that they already have one. When Jericho goes evil and tries to kill the President, everyone tries to save him and make sure he's not blamed for going insane. But when Batgirl's mind is poisoned, everyone's ready to write her off. Maybe if she had more people looking out for her, she wouldn't be in that chair right now."
"Do you blame them for her injury?"
"Not really. I blamed everyone at some point. Myself more often than not. Hell, I spent a lot more time looking for people to blame than she did. But I'm just saying - there's a lot of bad things happening to our people right here in Gotham, and at some point they stopped caring." Jason paused. "They did reach out to me a while back, before everything that happened with Batman. I thought we were making some progress. Then this stupid fight pretty much set everything back a few hundred years."
"You've pulled away from the vigilante activities for the time being, correct?"
"Yeah. Ever since the battle went down, I felt like it was time. I'd already been doing it less for a while now. It kind of has a little less appeal when you have somewhere else you'd rather be spending the night, you know?"
Xavier smiled. "I assume you're referring to Cassandra and Stephanie?"
"Yeah. I haven't been in many relationships, so I don't know if what we have is anything resembling 'normal', but it works for all of us."
"Tell me a little about them. I can sense they're a large part of the reason you're here today."
"Most days, I wake up, and I still can't believe I'm with them. Steph...is what I wish I could be. She's got the traumatic childhood, the rejection by Batman, and yet she's never lost sight of who she is. She's got a lot of reason to hate, but she never seems to be weighed down by it. She doesn't look nearly as tough as she is, but she's what holds us together most days. Then there's Cass, who continues to amaze me. I can't even imagine what she's been going through since she got hurt, but I like to think I've helped where I can. She still doesn't talk all that much, but when she does, it's like she can cut right to my soul with a few words. I don't think I've ever felt like someone understood me until I met her." Jason shook his head. "God, if they could see me now, talking sap about them, they'd think it was hilarious."
Xavier nodded, jotting down a few notes. "Shall we move on to the subject that's beating at your subconscious right now? The man who started all this?"
"Bruce? You want to talk about Bruce? Do you have two weeks?"
"Let's see how far we can get."
"Where do I start? Everyone thinks I hate him, and I won't lie and say there's not a part of me that doesn't. He was the most arrogant, judgmental asshole I've ever met, and he wouldn't tolerate anyone who had a different idea of justice than he did. Everyone forgets that I didn't take the fight to him, he took it to me. I was cleaning out Gotham permanently, and in his eyes that made me the villain. No one ever asked him how many kids are going to get hooked on crack because he wouldn't let me ice that drug dealer. No one ever does."
"And yet, it sounds like your feelings about him are rather complex."
Jason shrugged. "Well, yeah. I was living on the streets. Stealing to survive. He took me in, gave me a purpose - for as long as it lasted. I owe him that. I don't know where I'd be now if he hadn't given me that chance, but I'm betting I never would have met my girls, for one thing. I just don't know why he turned on me like that. In Bruce's world, it was all or nothing. Either you were down with his mission, or you were the enemy. But if he took me in in the first place, after what I did..."
Jason's head shot up as he realized what he had said. Xavier didn't seem surprised, however. He just sat there, looking at Jason knowingly.
"Forget I said anything." Jason growled.
"Jason, you clearly came here because you need to get something off your chest. You will never have a safer atmosphere to share this secret."
"This is something I've never told anyone. Not even Cass or Steph. Not even Bruce, although he knew. So if I find out it left this room..."
"You would not imagine the secrets I have stored in here." Xavier lightly tapped his head. "You have nothing to worry about."
"Alright. Bruce probably told you I was living on the streets when he found me. But that's not where my story begins. I grew up in the system...which in Gotham, is a really bad place to be. You might have heard of the old Tricorner orphanage?"
"Ah, yes. The one that was shut down after a fire?"
"Exactly."
Xavier held back his expression of shock as he realized what Jason was implying. "Go on."
"I was 11 when it started happening. The orphanage was short on funds, and some of the less savory employees realized that there was always a lucrative market for young boys in Gotham. They started bringing in their 'clients'. You'd be surprised by some of the names on the list. Captains of industry, politicians, philanthropists...all coming to have a little fun with boys who were too scared to say no. Finally, it was enough. One night, I helped the other boys break out while the employees were on their smoke break. I had already frigged with the furnace enough to create a gas leak. The kind that would be triggered by a lit match, if you get my drift."
Xavier nodded. "The police never were able to figure out how those employees were killed, but no bodies of the children were found."
"I don't have any regrets, in case you're wondering. They were preying on children. They had to die. I never told anyone. The kids I helped escape...they knew how to keep a secret. I assumed it would stay buried until the day I died, but one day, about a year after Bruce took me in, I found a file of his. He had all the details about the fire, with all the evidence that pointed to me. I didn't know how long he had it, or when he figured it out. I was sure the other shoe was going to drop any second, that he was going to throw me out or worse, put me in prison. But he never mentioned it, until the day I died." Jason paused, rubbing his temples. "Why? Why would he keep that to himself? I don't get it. He always seemed so unforgiving, so judgmental, but he took me in, knowing what I had done. It doesn't make any sense."
Xavier wheeled over, putting his hand on Jason's shoulder. "Perhaps he simply understood. What you did was not out of malice or hatred. It was simply a desperate boy's only move to survive. I am certain, given Bruce's own childhood trauma, that he could see this, and had no desire to make you relive it. I am sorry you won't get the chance to talk it over with him, but he forgave you for this long ago. Perhaps it is time you try forgiving yourself."
Jason smiled wryly. "The old man knew what he was talking about. You are good."
"Thank you. I'm afraid I have a meeting with one of my students soon, but feel free to come back any time. I hope you'll feel free to live your life now, without the specter of the past haunting you. It seems you've carved out a life for yourself, and I'm sure you'll be wanting to get back to it.
Jason nodded and walked towards the door. As he left, he saw a boy, only a few years younger than him, waiting nervously. The young man had bright golden skin, but more than that, Jason could see the same feelings of guilt, resentment, and suspicion that he knew had covered his face for a long time.
"Hey, kid - you're going to see the Doc?"
"Yeah." The golden boy shrugged. "He says I've got some issues to work out. Whatever."
"Give him a chance. You never know, he's pretty good."
As Xavier called for the young man to come into his office, Jason stepped out of the mansion into the afternoon sun. It had been a strange, emotionally grueling day, but he felt more ready to face the rest of his life than he ever had. He wanted nothing more than to get back to Cass and Steph, and to the life he had come to love. Maybe one day he would share with them what he had spoken with Xavier about, but not today. Right now, he wanted to look towards the future.