Between the Crazy Party Weekends
I mentioned the party weekend I had a few weeks ago, featuring my own birthday party and each of two friends having the own too. Well, this is the crazy rainy Halloween party weekend-I caught the beginning of celebrations at thechoirloft last night, and then thornedillusion and I made an appearance at tiger_spot's an celerypie's parties. There was another party I'd wanted to go to but I apparently hadn't made all the details clear to thornedillusion, so we ended up giving it a miss. Still, tonight I'm going to a combined wedding and Day Of The Dead celebration. Woot. Fun weekends with fun people.
I've been a bit moody in the time in between, though. The usual seasonal foo is partially to blame, but I've been particularly edgy since last weekend, when hopeforyou had, for me, the biggest health scare ever. She had a blood clot in one of her lungs, which certainly had me worried, and then pure_agnostic did some research to find out how bad that really is. He found a medical journal which had done recent research and found that the survival rate in the first month, considering blood thinners and their own frightening potential side effects, is 90 to 94%. For a second or two that sounded like good odds, but then I realised this meant there was a one in ten to one in seventeen chance that my girlfriend would die in the coming month.
I've had years to learn now not to excessively worry about her health issues or other major challenges. Normally I can say that things will probably be okay, and even if the worst does happen, we'll find a way to deal with it. But while I could still say she'd probably be okay, I had no idea how I'd deal with the worst. I can't think of tougher or more heartbreaking circumstances. So instead, I've been focusing on the ninety-something per cent, telling myself that she's younger than most people who have to deal with these things, and spending a bit more time with her than usual as well. I'm getting on with life and things are generally okay. But I often feel troubled or irritable. It's a real issue and it's there.
I've been feeling less positive than usual about my relationships lately as well. Not all of them, and not necessarily in the short-term, but the 'things are going great' attitude I've had most of the year doesn't fit at the moment. Part of this is probably because I'm well and truly in the second half of my 30s now, so I'm looking further ahead. Relationships don't have to last forever for them to be wonderful, but it would be nice if I could picture more of my sweeties as being important parts of my life when I'm in my 40s, whatever it looks like then. And even in the present, I'm not getting all I want... not that I expect to ever get all I want, but sometimes I feel a bit shortchanged. Nothing that some good communication can't fix, but despite my best efforts, time for that has been sparse.
Work's going pretty well. Halloween was fun; we had everything from Dolly Parton to a fully-fledged furry, and a completely generic costume that I liked so much that I copied it. We finished an important, major project early in October and we've spent the last few weeks catching up on maintenance, and now, finally, we can add more features again, which is always more fun. After a long recruitment process we got a new engineer and the new QA person we needed, and as a result, those two departments are swapping locations. I'll miss the view of the Bay Bridge, but I've had the best seats in the company for over a year, so it's fair enough for somebody else to get them now. I'll still be by a window (which sadly still doesn't open), so I'll continue to have my all-important natural light, including a view of the sky and even a small glimpse of the Bay and Treasure Island, if I crane my neck at the right angle.
We're still looking for another rock star web engineer, BTW, and the referral bonus is huge and I'd happily split it with anyone who puts me in touch with a successful candidate. We've knocked back a lot of good candidates because we're looking for an excellent one-J2EE experience is a big plus but not a hard requirement. Did I mention that this is till the best gig I've ever had? Sensible management, a very pleasant work environment, close to BART and awesome perks like massage and yoga and playdates (as in playing computer games, not what you might be used to).
Looking ahead in general, I've booked another trip to Australia. I contemplated giving it a miss this year because of all the extra expenses in my Europe/Africa trip and the economy being the way it is, but given my parents' age, and the appeal of spending the holiday break relaxing somewhere that it's not not winter, I've decided to go anyhow. Just Sydney and Brisbane this time, and doing a bit of telecommuting while I'm there. sagewisdom mentioned a Litha celebration in Queensland I'd love to be at and I'll be in Sydney for Christmas and New Year, and back in San Francisco soon after that. (Let me know if you want to sublet my room.)