Spiders and Hornets and Danger, Oh My!
I've been having a lot more nightmares lately. From my inner decorator/domestic, "Irma," so angry she was sending notes to me through couriers, to reminders of abductions past with a twist, to frantic escape themed danger dreams, nightmares are waking me up at least 3 times a week right now.
I know it's because I'm going "off-chart" with my life lately. I'm facing my fears and dealing. Thus far, the doing of things that scares me isn't nearly as bad as I dread, which is expected, yet my subconscious isn't relenting. The point is I'm not supposed to challenge the status quo of my life. In that path lies danger!
But not walking the path means danger, too-- so there is no way to appease my inner demons it seems.
I'm awake today from a dream about being a teenager and dodging house invasions, jumping spiders, stupid people around me not taking precautions, and even dangerously stinging giant hornets as big as hummingbirds!
It was too much for a dream just a couple of scant hours into sleep. I gave up and decided to just be up for a while. I'll find a way to distract myself for a couple of hours before trying again.
I hate insomnia. I hate being awake in the darkest, most silent period of the 24 hour cycle. I know what causes it and yet knowledge isn't helping. I suppose a few IFS inner meetings may well be in order, but even that seems too much to take on just now.
Fuck.
I know it's because I'm going "off-chart" with my life lately. I'm facing my fears and dealing. Thus far, the doing of things that scares me isn't nearly as bad as I dread, which is expected, yet my subconscious isn't relenting. The point is I'm not supposed to challenge the status quo of my life. In that path lies danger!
But not walking the path means danger, too-- so there is no way to appease my inner demons it seems.
I'm awake today from a dream about being a teenager and dodging house invasions, jumping spiders, stupid people around me not taking precautions, and even dangerously stinging giant hornets as big as hummingbirds!
It was too much for a dream just a couple of scant hours into sleep. I gave up and decided to just be up for a while. I'll find a way to distract myself for a couple of hours before trying again.
I hate insomnia. I hate being awake in the darkest, most silent period of the 24 hour cycle. I know what causes it and yet knowledge isn't helping. I suppose a few IFS inner meetings may well be in order, but even that seems too much to take on just now.
Fuck.