Ruminations
Home is such an interesting form of escape. I never have to be self-conscious here. Everywhere else, I worry about talking too much, or too loud, or too little, or saying the wrong thing. Here, of course, we talk about whatever pops into our heads, as loudly as possible because of course there is always far too much stuff in everyone's head and we have to talk over each other. My mother does seem to become upset when we talk about repulsive things like brain surgery though. I don't know why.
It is also a good place to be my true self, which is, deny it though I may, extremely girly. I realized this last night when I was sitting on my pink-flowered bedspread in my pink-flowered nightgown, surrounded by at least fortyseven stuffed animals, in a room smelling of rose incense, reading Chicken Soup For the College Soul.
In my own defense, I didn't buy myself anything that is pink. They were all gifts from my mom or neighbors or aunts. But still. I never stopped liking pink until Liz decided it was a horrible color. Liz is the butch one. She always has been.
Both of us have seen the pictures of every Halloween of my elementary school career. I was always a princess or a fairy.
It rained again today, when I was planning to plant the flower garden. I am making all these devious plans to change all of our landscaping. Although we don't have enough land to be really creative, I can still have fun with microclimates and such. Daddy and I are going to the hardware store this weekend to buy stuff with which to build a new grapevine arbor, since the one we presently own is rotted beyond any glimmer of hope.
I really ought to call the bakery. Otherwise I will have, like NO money with which to pay tuition and then I won't be able to come back to Smith, which will surely tragicize my loyal subjects...uh...friends.
I got up at 12:30 today. I am such a bum. Chris says I am a loser. This is true. She beat my at Scrabble earlier this evening. But in all fairness, she has been playing word games in English class for the past few weeks, whereas I have been sitting around letting my brain rot.
I didn't even manage to iron all my clothes today, which was my goal of the day. But, I went to church today, since it was the Solemnity of the Ascension. I don't know why it's a solemnity. I think it is a pretty happy thing, Jesus being raised up to heaven. Heck, I'd be excited. I suppose I might be sad if I was one of Jesus's friends and I didn't get to hang out with Him, but you know, I'd consider myself lucky that we got to chill with Him forty days after He died. I mean, when your friend dies, don't you say, I wish he could come back for just one day more, so I could tell him how much he meant to me? Jesus have everybody a whole extra month. That's mad cool. And then He went to hang out with His Dad, which is only fair. And at the end of one of the Gospels, I don't know which one, He said, "I will be with you always." That's pretty darn happy. So I don't really see why we have to be solemn. Maybe it's because John was sitting next to me, being a royal pain. That's enough to sour anyone's mood. But it didn't make me exactly pious either.
I also managed to cook my lunch, instead of merely making a sandwich.
Tuesday Chris and Jean had a concert, band, choir, and a capella. I felt sort of bad for Chris, who is in all three. There were some fun songs, the band did Amazing Grace and one of those weird impressionistic pieces Mr. U is famnous for. It had singing. The only person I could hear was Chris. Rather tragic, really. A capella did a weird song called Na na na na, hey hey, Kiss Him Goodbye, in which Chris Zachjowski sang badly (he should stick to looking pretty), and Nick Lake who sounded awesome. And the choir did a James Taylor medley, in which they were forced to do organized movement. Almost everyone thought it looked ridiculous, especially my sisters and Kev Crouse. Laura Gulli had fun though, so of course it was all worthwhile. (sarcasm) No, I like Laura, really I do. I just wish I knew there was some real person inside her somewhere, not just a stage personality.
I got to hang out with the Sand Carro Club on Tuesday! I was so massively excited. I have not seen Sonnet in ages, probably because she has been in London. She said it was sunny a total of seven days in three months. Blah. I couldn't deal with it. She brought me back a silver cross pendant with a picture of Mary in the middle. It is really beautiful. Sarah was in a very good mood, not obsessing about Mark TOO much. Dad said she seemed much more normal than usual, not all uptight and on the verge of a nervous breakdown like she usually is. And Jill was being fabulous, she has decided to stop being the dictator of all our outings. Instead, we are going to have rotating dictators. I was dictator on Tuesday. I didn't get to go to Borders, which is what I wanted to do, but I decided feeding Christine and Sonnet was important for maintaining everyone's sanity. We had our favorite waitress and discussed psycho chipmunks and porn and Sonnet's trip to London and everyone's sexualities and the differences between our schools and Jill's school. Sarah and Sonnet and I all go to women's colleges, and Jill goes to one of those Christian schools where everyone is engaged to everyone else by the time they graduate.
Later that evening, one of my close friends came out to me as gay, which I was very excited about. I expect most good friends are cool and accepting when their friends come out to them. I was out-and-out thrilled. Oooh, that was a pun. I apologize. He had a whole speech prepared too, about how he didn't want to be lonely all his life and he might as well stop pretending and hating himself. Oh, it was so cute.
Christine has dubbed me the armpit guru. This makes me very happy.
It is also a good place to be my true self, which is, deny it though I may, extremely girly. I realized this last night when I was sitting on my pink-flowered bedspread in my pink-flowered nightgown, surrounded by at least fortyseven stuffed animals, in a room smelling of rose incense, reading Chicken Soup For the College Soul.
In my own defense, I didn't buy myself anything that is pink. They were all gifts from my mom or neighbors or aunts. But still. I never stopped liking pink until Liz decided it was a horrible color. Liz is the butch one. She always has been.
Both of us have seen the pictures of every Halloween of my elementary school career. I was always a princess or a fairy.
It rained again today, when I was planning to plant the flower garden. I am making all these devious plans to change all of our landscaping. Although we don't have enough land to be really creative, I can still have fun with microclimates and such. Daddy and I are going to the hardware store this weekend to buy stuff with which to build a new grapevine arbor, since the one we presently own is rotted beyond any glimmer of hope.
I really ought to call the bakery. Otherwise I will have, like NO money with which to pay tuition and then I won't be able to come back to Smith, which will surely tragicize my loyal subjects...uh...friends.
I got up at 12:30 today. I am such a bum. Chris says I am a loser. This is true. She beat my at Scrabble earlier this evening. But in all fairness, she has been playing word games in English class for the past few weeks, whereas I have been sitting around letting my brain rot.
I didn't even manage to iron all my clothes today, which was my goal of the day. But, I went to church today, since it was the Solemnity of the Ascension. I don't know why it's a solemnity. I think it is a pretty happy thing, Jesus being raised up to heaven. Heck, I'd be excited. I suppose I might be sad if I was one of Jesus's friends and I didn't get to hang out with Him, but you know, I'd consider myself lucky that we got to chill with Him forty days after He died. I mean, when your friend dies, don't you say, I wish he could come back for just one day more, so I could tell him how much he meant to me? Jesus have everybody a whole extra month. That's mad cool. And then He went to hang out with His Dad, which is only fair. And at the end of one of the Gospels, I don't know which one, He said, "I will be with you always." That's pretty darn happy. So I don't really see why we have to be solemn. Maybe it's because John was sitting next to me, being a royal pain. That's enough to sour anyone's mood. But it didn't make me exactly pious either.
I also managed to cook my lunch, instead of merely making a sandwich.
Tuesday Chris and Jean had a concert, band, choir, and a capella. I felt sort of bad for Chris, who is in all three. There were some fun songs, the band did Amazing Grace and one of those weird impressionistic pieces Mr. U is famnous for. It had singing. The only person I could hear was Chris. Rather tragic, really. A capella did a weird song called Na na na na, hey hey, Kiss Him Goodbye, in which Chris Zachjowski sang badly (he should stick to looking pretty), and Nick Lake who sounded awesome. And the choir did a James Taylor medley, in which they were forced to do organized movement. Almost everyone thought it looked ridiculous, especially my sisters and Kev Crouse. Laura Gulli had fun though, so of course it was all worthwhile. (sarcasm) No, I like Laura, really I do. I just wish I knew there was some real person inside her somewhere, not just a stage personality.
I got to hang out with the Sand Carro Club on Tuesday! I was so massively excited. I have not seen Sonnet in ages, probably because she has been in London. She said it was sunny a total of seven days in three months. Blah. I couldn't deal with it. She brought me back a silver cross pendant with a picture of Mary in the middle. It is really beautiful. Sarah was in a very good mood, not obsessing about Mark TOO much. Dad said she seemed much more normal than usual, not all uptight and on the verge of a nervous breakdown like she usually is. And Jill was being fabulous, she has decided to stop being the dictator of all our outings. Instead, we are going to have rotating dictators. I was dictator on Tuesday. I didn't get to go to Borders, which is what I wanted to do, but I decided feeding Christine and Sonnet was important for maintaining everyone's sanity. We had our favorite waitress and discussed psycho chipmunks and porn and Sonnet's trip to London and everyone's sexualities and the differences between our schools and Jill's school. Sarah and Sonnet and I all go to women's colleges, and Jill goes to one of those Christian schools where everyone is engaged to everyone else by the time they graduate.
Later that evening, one of my close friends came out to me as gay, which I was very excited about. I expect most good friends are cool and accepting when their friends come out to them. I was out-and-out thrilled. Oooh, that was a pun. I apologize. He had a whole speech prepared too, about how he didn't want to be lonely all his life and he might as well stop pretending and hating himself. Oh, it was so cute.
Christine has dubbed me the armpit guru. This makes me very happy.