a few things
I feel like I have so much to talk about, but I'm not sure if any of it is actually worth mentioning. Life has just been moving along, not so much different to any other time. I feel alright though, even after my thing with the anti-depressants on Sunday. Now it's Wednesday and Christmas fever as hit, mostly because I worked today and people are cheerful and it's awesome to wear a Christmas shirt and Santa hat.
When I wrote my last entry I got all sidetracked with the whole sexuality thing that I forgot to write about what I was actually planning on writing about. Then I was going to write about it, except Mark came home and we drove around looking at Christmas lights and then I was so tired that I went to bed and fell asleep straight away. And then I worked all day. So here it is:
Well since last Friday I've been talking to Melissa on MSN constantly. It started when I had my Facebook status set to say that I was doing Christmas cooking, and she commented asking what I was cooking, and it turned into a twenty comment conversation which ended up being an all day conversation on MSN. Which then actually led to a weekend conversation that was on and off when we ran into each other and when we missed each other we just left online messages like "oh I don't remember what we were talking about last night, do you?" and then a couple of hours later "no I don't either, what have you been up to?". It was fun. It's been a while since I've talked to her while actually wanting to talk to her. It's been nearly a year since she moved to Brisbane and since we got into and out of that messy place. It's been a year, and I still remember being screwed up like it was yesterday. Or maybe a week ago.
Anyway, she's coming back home for Christmas and New Years. She's been back in town a few times this year, only once I knew about, which was when her sister had her baby, which was actually the weekend of Louise's birthday and the weekend she'd planned to come down anyway. I was passive aggressive back then, and not sure if I wanted to see her or not, but it ended up that I did but by the time I texted her she was already half way back to Brisbane. She said she wanted to see me but she was on such a rush trip because of her family that she had to get back home. I was really hurt by that, but I think I've always known that I'm not very high on her priority list. So she told me that she was coming back home on Friday (Boxing Day). I asked her if she would be at the local pub this weekend, and she said probably, because if you want to see lots of people in the shortest possible time without making an effort, that's where you go. I was like "cool so can we like, not ignore me this time?" because on New Years Eve, or the last weekend she went to the pub before she moved, everytime I went near her she went somewhere else. It was half intentional I'm sure, but she said she didn't have a good night and things were going on. I said it like jokingly. I'm not hurt about that anymore. I stuck a poking tongue face after it so she picked up that I was joking.
Anyway, now this is the big part. She said "I was actually hoping to see you...if you want to". I'm not sure what to make of it. Hoping? That's a good thing. "If you want to"? Of course I'd want to, but I'm sure she doesn't know that. The "if you want to" part makes me think she's thinking of sex, because she wouldn't stick that on the end of a hoping sentence if it was just for casual lunch. And let's face it, me and Melissa have never been friends, we kind of didn't work out that way.
This all came about literally after Mark and I had a discussion about me hooking up with a girl because it's been so long and this year Mark has had Emma and is probably going to have sex with the second girl from Saturday night (not the one he initially wanted to get into bed). It was weird, like it was just supposed to happen. So then I asked him if he'd mind if I hooked up with Melissa when she came back, and he was a little hesitant at first because he remembers how I was after she left, but then he agreed. I'm hoping he knows I won't go to pieces this time after she leaves again. I'm not in that place any more. I don't love her. A year of not talking to her has changed that. I'm in this for the sex, and the kind of friendship. That's even if she does want to hook up with me, which I think she does, because I'm pretty sure I'm the only girl she knew that she could sleep with. I'm not planning on getting my hopes up though. The next two weeks are going to be crazy enough without me getting depressed over not getting any. If it happens, it happens, and I'm going to try to make it happen, especially now that we have our own place and everything will be so much easier. If it doesn't happen, well it's not like I'm missing out on anything. I haven't been with a girl in a year, and it sucks, but it's not like something is being taken away from me that I've had up until now.
It seems like she's been like, eager or something, to talk to me. It's nice. It's freaking me out a little, because for like the whole year she's practically ignored me. I guess maybe the whole "I love you" thing freaked her out, but we're past that now. It was kind of a big mess. It's been great talking to her for the last few days. I really do hope this happens.
I don't mean to make this whole entry about Melissa, so now it's going to be really long.
So about an hour ago I got dropped home by Louise and James and James is driving a Toyota ute, like an old style one (my Pop drives the same car) and he's done it up so it sounds awesome and he was blaring shitting pop/rap music out the windows and I was so embarassed. But him and Louise are like that.
Work today was hectic as, but it was a good day. Christmas spirit has finally hit all round. I dressed up in my Christmas shirt and found a Santa hat at work and was cheerful and happy all day. It went really really quickly as well. It was a madhouse though. I barely got any of my jobs done, but it didn't matter because no one could yell at me for it because I was serving on a check out for two and a half hours. And I wasn't the only one. Joe was supposed to be supervising, instead we had the store manager run the floor while all of us, including all the other managers, were on checkouts. I didnt' get off mine until 10am, and then I waited out breaks in express and went to lunch at 10:40am. It wasn't bad though. I definately wasn't complaining. Things get like that at Christmas. And the majority of the customers are in good spirits, so it's not so bad. I know tomorrow is going to be even busier, so I'm prepared to get a good night's sleep (like last night) and be in my best Christmas mood.
This afternoon my family took Jason to see Madagascar two at the movies. I didn't really like it. I wasn't looking forward to going, but I did because that was our birthday present to him. I would have preferred to see a different movie, but I think Jason doesn't mind those kids movies, and Jayden enjoyed it. I love kids movies, but that one just didn't do anything for me at all. Then I went home to visit Mum and she wasn't even there. Bub is sick, so they'd gone to the doctors and then she'd been up at John's parents' place (for the love of god I don't know why she's being so friendly with them), so when she did come home she had to go back up there because Bub was still there. So I stole some movies and came home, though neither they or Mark have the one I'm really craving to see. I'll have to go rent it some time.
I'm not quite finished my Christmas shopping yet. I've got to go and pick Mark's Christmas present up tomorrow after work. I know, I'm asking for huge line ups, bad customer service and a hellish shopping experience, but I don't mind crowds at all. I seriously have no money, or else I would go and get it right now. I tried to take $15 out for lunch today and it declined, which was sad. I did have enough to get $10 out though, which made me happy. Annoyingly, I have to go and pay rent in my lunch break as well. I've also got to finish my cookies. I think I've made enough, now I just need to wash the tins and pack them all in. And I will take photos of them, cause they look so good. They don't look good, because they don't look perfect, but they look like I made them, instead of bought them. I think everyone will really appreciate it. Well, they better, or I'm never doing anything nice for anyone ever again! I'm sure they will. I'll do that tomorrow night after I get home, or maybe even on Thursday morning! Depending on whether I get a chance tomorrow or if I can be bothered. Maybe I'll do another batch of biscuits too. All the ones I've done so far are honey and cinnamin, so I'm thinking of making some shortbread ones as well, just for variety.
I realised today that there's a $100 difference between my two weeks. One week I get $100 more than the other, all because of three extra hours and five hours on a Sunday. It explains why I get so broke that often. I never really thought about it before. I got a few payslips today and checked them out. I think I'm really going to try to save a lot of money next year, so things like birthdays and Christmas aren't so hard. I really would have loved to have bought more for people this year, but I just can't.
And I think that's it now. Finally!
I saved this and just totally realised that I forgot to mention something important. Today I got a letter saying my application to transfer from the Bachelor of Arts to the Bachelor of Psychology (with Hons) got accepted. That made me happy. I serioulsy jumped around the lounge room a little bit. I was doubting that I would get accepted because my marks haven't been that great, but I did, and now it's looking even easier for me to be able to end up where I want to end up! Yay for me.