It reflects on you as a mother
The first time we took the babe on a trip, I was hanging out with her at the airport while maxemulien went looking for food. I exchanged comments with various passerby (passer-bies? passer-bys?) since having a baby seems to break many normal social barriers. One woman asked how old he was, and I said she was about four months old. She looked consternated, and then said that she couldn't tell that my baby was a girl because she was dressed in white and that I should dress her in pink. She parted with the remark, "It reflects on you as a mother, you know."
I remember those exact words because they completely floored me. I knew, abstractly, that it is very popular to blame the mother for just about everything these days, but it never occurred to me that a stranger would care so deeply about what color my child was wearing that she would pass judgment on me about it.
This was my first (and so far only) mommy drive-by, and I've been thinking about it a lot the last few days. I've been in a pretty unpleasant mood for most of this week, and I think that is due, at least in part, on things not going so well on the baby front.
Sleep has been a real challenge this past week. Raine has apparently decided that only old people want to go to bed before 1am, and frankly I'm old. maxemulien has been a saint about staying up with her, but that takes its toll on him, and we usually don't give up on the idea of sleep until midnight anyway. Last night, to mix it up a little, I nursed her every half hour starting at about 9:30pm until 3am (okay, I lied, she slept for a whole hour from 1:20 to 2:20) At three she didn't fall right back asleep while nursing (I think my breasts weren't producing fast enough at that point) so we ended up staying up until four or so and she slept in good 2 hour stretches for the rest of the "night" At 8:30, we got up "for the day" which means she was awake for about an hour and a half before going down for her morning nap, which she is still asleep for...I've been relishing these long morning naps since they let me get some editing done, but I do wish her schedule wasn't so skewed. It doesn't seem healthy to sleep the morning away, and while I've gotten used to going around low on sleep, this is a new level of sleep dep.
As an added bonus, she's recently started biting when nursing. She bites other times too, which is annoying, but not as annoying as when nursing. I'm guessing she's got her top two teeth trying to come in. I've looked on line for a few strategies for dealing with the biting, and hope I'll be able to get a handle on it soon.
Speaking of teeth, starting solids has been a headache and a half. We've finally gotten a routine down for feeding her every evening, which I think is good, since she's still breastfeeding like crazy, and there was a while there where I really felt like I couldn't feed her enough (plus I'm still dropping weight and have been hungry more or less constantly for a couple of months.) I wish we could feed her solids twice a day, but clean-up is a two person job. I'd like to feed her actual solid food (bite size pieces of fruit or potato, as opposed to pureed baby foods) during the day, since clean up on those things tends to be easier, but I won't feel right about doing that regularly until she gets better at drinking water.
Which leads to my final baby related problem. Raine has been more or less constipated for a few weeks now. Constipation is common after starting solids, just because their whole system has to do some major adjustments. It has been alternately frustrating (as we try to figure out what's wrong and what we can do to make it better) and heartrending (as she pushes and strains and looks so very uncomfortable) The one bright spot in all this has been doing EC with her. I think it would be much harder if I weren't already really aware of (and usually watching) every bowel movement. Of course, it doesn't help that she only poops every few days, so even if adding more water to her food or the prune juice is helping it takes a while to get results. I keep hoping we've got it under control, and I do think it's getting better, but it has been really hard.
Anyway, I have a tendency to get crabby and frustrated when life is less than ideal, and my emotions get extra nasty when the trouble involves the babe, because I have this added dimension of mommy guilt. I know that being mom isn't the same as being God, but I still resent my all too human failings, and not being able to make or do everything perfectly right for her, since after all, she deserves the best.
I remember those exact words because they completely floored me. I knew, abstractly, that it is very popular to blame the mother for just about everything these days, but it never occurred to me that a stranger would care so deeply about what color my child was wearing that she would pass judgment on me about it.
This was my first (and so far only) mommy drive-by, and I've been thinking about it a lot the last few days. I've been in a pretty unpleasant mood for most of this week, and I think that is due, at least in part, on things not going so well on the baby front.
Sleep has been a real challenge this past week. Raine has apparently decided that only old people want to go to bed before 1am, and frankly I'm old. maxemulien has been a saint about staying up with her, but that takes its toll on him, and we usually don't give up on the idea of sleep until midnight anyway. Last night, to mix it up a little, I nursed her every half hour starting at about 9:30pm until 3am (okay, I lied, she slept for a whole hour from 1:20 to 2:20) At three she didn't fall right back asleep while nursing (I think my breasts weren't producing fast enough at that point) so we ended up staying up until four or so and she slept in good 2 hour stretches for the rest of the "night" At 8:30, we got up "for the day" which means she was awake for about an hour and a half before going down for her morning nap, which she is still asleep for...I've been relishing these long morning naps since they let me get some editing done, but I do wish her schedule wasn't so skewed. It doesn't seem healthy to sleep the morning away, and while I've gotten used to going around low on sleep, this is a new level of sleep dep.
As an added bonus, she's recently started biting when nursing. She bites other times too, which is annoying, but not as annoying as when nursing. I'm guessing she's got her top two teeth trying to come in. I've looked on line for a few strategies for dealing with the biting, and hope I'll be able to get a handle on it soon.
Speaking of teeth, starting solids has been a headache and a half. We've finally gotten a routine down for feeding her every evening, which I think is good, since she's still breastfeeding like crazy, and there was a while there where I really felt like I couldn't feed her enough (plus I'm still dropping weight and have been hungry more or less constantly for a couple of months.) I wish we could feed her solids twice a day, but clean-up is a two person job. I'd like to feed her actual solid food (bite size pieces of fruit or potato, as opposed to pureed baby foods) during the day, since clean up on those things tends to be easier, but I won't feel right about doing that regularly until she gets better at drinking water.
Which leads to my final baby related problem. Raine has been more or less constipated for a few weeks now. Constipation is common after starting solids, just because their whole system has to do some major adjustments. It has been alternately frustrating (as we try to figure out what's wrong and what we can do to make it better) and heartrending (as she pushes and strains and looks so very uncomfortable) The one bright spot in all this has been doing EC with her. I think it would be much harder if I weren't already really aware of (and usually watching) every bowel movement. Of course, it doesn't help that she only poops every few days, so even if adding more water to her food or the prune juice is helping it takes a while to get results. I keep hoping we've got it under control, and I do think it's getting better, but it has been really hard.
Anyway, I have a tendency to get crabby and frustrated when life is less than ideal, and my emotions get extra nasty when the trouble involves the babe, because I have this added dimension of mommy guilt. I know that being mom isn't the same as being God, but I still resent my all too human failings, and not being able to make or do everything perfectly right for her, since after all, she deserves the best.